From the inbox #669

“I know about asexuality for quite a while now, and sometimes even considered I am, but I was never really sure or just thought: nah, you’re not a real asexual person then. I had sex two times in my life with a person I really trusted, but I just didn’t enjoy it. I never had any bad sexual experiences, but when I think about sex, I start feeling a bit uncomfortable or annoyed about having it myself. I feel like other people are OVERLY interested in anything sexual. I never really understood this “this person is so hot”-concept. No matter what gender or what body it is, but I don’t understand people who get aroused because of nudity. I can find a girl’s face cute and beautiful, but this aesthetic affection is pretty much all. Honestly the one thing that would be arousing for me is only when two people share a deep connection. But I would never want to imagine being in this situation myself. I hope this is not too explicit – however, I do masturbate, but I don’t want to share this with anybody. Other people seem to do. I’ve been in this situation quite a few times and it was always annoying or gross for me. Especially when I was in a relationship and my partner wanted to have sex. French kisses were always disgusting for me. Truth be told, this relationship wasn’t really based on love, more because I wanted to fill a void, and here’s that: What makes me unsure is the fact that I would want to kiss (still no French kisses tho, haha) and a bit more if I would find a person I am really close to. I just don’t know if sex would ever feel good for me. It was never a big part of my life, and I guess many people have been told “you just haven’t found the right person yet”. Thing is, I really don’t know if that’s true in my case. I am looking for a person I can truly love and connect with, so maybe I am really asexual, or well maybe just demisexual. I don’t know, really. What do you guys think about that?”

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From the inbox 610

“Hi pals! At the beginning of my conturbed teenage years, I thought I was so drowned in studies than I did not care about the boys or the pervert things in the world…
But most recentely, just like two years from now, I found my triple orientation (sexual, gender and romantic): I am a proud ace agender panromantic!
But to say that to a majority binary allo heteronormative is hard and also sad
The classic answers started to pop out to me: “you will find the right person!”, “you got a childhood trauma?”, “you will get sick without it…”, and all that famous BLAH BLAH BLAH
Worse: I live in a country that aces basically are excluded and joked upon… Just like, I am not the relligious type and my “family” wants to see me into a nun’s habit because I do not want to give anyone a grandson/niance
But now I am not feeling sooo alone and sooo deslocated even with my in-continuous-development English because I know there are allies and aces out there to help me and all other aces in trouble!
Para os meus conterrâneos lusófonos e/ou que moram no Brasil: vocês não estão doentes nem muito menos sozinhos!
(FYI: that is a little heads-up to other lusophone aces ;3)
From your ace warrior, Dark”

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From the inbox #452

TW: Abuse

“I’m pretty sure that I’ve been ace my whole life. As a teenager, I was mocked pretty badly by the only people who I called friends because I wasn’t dating, and I didn’t have a crush on anyone. Keep in mind, I’ve also always been the small town nerd – I was an easy target because I didn’t fit into the standard small town girl mold. I watched anime before watching anime was cool and I never stopped collecting Pokémon cards.

I still remember one incident when my friends kept harassing me about who my crush was. I said someone’s name – not because I liked them – but to get them off my back. The next day my whole school (which probably had under 100 students enrolled at the time altogether) knew and I became everyone’s target. I guess you could say I faked my first crush.

Fast forward to my first experience with community college. I became pretty closely connected to a group of nerds and we’d play lots of tabletop board games and magic the gathering. I ended up skipping a lot of my classes and academically, I performed really terribly in my classes. I started feeling terribly about myself, too. But then one of the guys who sat with us asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes even though I didn’t like him because I figured if I was dating someone, maybe my family members might stop making fun of me for being a lesbian.

The relationship turned really bad about 6 months in. He started abusing me and I stayed with him because I didn’t know how to leave. At that point, I had moved in with him in order to try to start my own life. I stayed with him for 3 and a half years, enduring emotional, physical, and financial abuse. I guess I eventually ended up finding my breaking point when I left him… I don’t know how i did. All I know is that one morning, before he left for work, I told him I was leaving him and I told my mom about leaving him, and about the abuse, and my stuff was packed and I got out of his house before he got back home from work.

I don’t think my family respects my asexuality because of this experience. My direct family just doesn’t talk about me and relationships in the same context. My family that I see less often still thinks that I just haven’t found the right man yet. Maybe God will find me the right man later in life. I don’t know at this point. I’m just frustrated because I feel like my history with domestic violence is making it impossible for my family to respect me as a heteroromantic asexual woman.

I managed to pull myself out of a situation where my ex had me in an incredible amount of debt (which I paid off on my own), I finished my community college education after my ex had told me that I wasn’t capable of getting my degree, and now I’m studying in the exact university that my ex told me I’d never make it in to.

I’m single. I’m not sure if I’m happy, but I know that I feel like I’m winning right now. It gets better.”

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From the inbox #449

“My mom and my dad have been more accepting of me coming out as ace and I swear, I couldn’t be any more happier than to have parents who still see me as their little girl who grew up into a woman who’s asexual. Sad thing is, I’ve had certain friends of mine who I shan’t name who told me I “had bad experiences”/”am still young at 21″/”God hasn’t have me the right man”/etc. Fact of the matter is, I may be a Christian, but who are they to judge? I’ve never had any real life crushes, no dates irl, seven long distance relationships that failed badly. FFS I even had one ex try to – I shit you not – become asexual just to get back with me when he failed to realize you cannot just suddenly become asexual. It doesn’t work that way. Only two of my exes I have contact with have accepted me for being ace. As for the others? No contact with them, thank goodness. After how they backstabbed me, good riddance to such trash.

Ironic this comes from someone who writes/makes erotica of legal aged characters herself. I realized I was asexual all along, and I’ve been the happiest I’ve been. Ironic my parents are more accepting of me than my so-called friends. As I have been typing all of this, I have been crying. Thank you all for making this amazing page!

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From the inbox #444

“Thank you guys for making this page. I’m so glad this page exists, and I couldn’t be any more happier. I’m a 21 year old woman who finally realized I’m asexual. I never had any real life dates (never showed interest in them), have had only long distance relationships (and thankfully stopped doing them at 20), and ever since I’ve came out as asexual, I’ve gotten things like “you’re still young”. The thing of it is, I’m not young. I’m 21 with the mindset of a 60 year old who’s wise as can be. I’ve also been told that “God will give me the right person” when I don’t need anyone and I’m happier just not being in a relationship with anyone since all my ldrs failed on me. Second, what difference would it make if someone tried to fall in love with damaged goods like me? None. Also, there’s nothing wrong with me being asexual at all. I have no interest in anyone and never will.

Oh, and lets not forget I’ve been told that “but you write/make erotica”. Except its fiction and nothing more. I’m proud to be asexual and that’s that. I love this page with all my heart and couldn’t be happier.”

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From the inbox #385

“Hey there! Since its Asexual Awareness Week, I thought I’d share my story and how this page helped me. I’m 16, but I discovered the term “Asexual” when I was 15. For a long time I was so determined to find a label for myself, but nothing ever fit or felt right and I never understood why I was having such a difficult time whereas all my friends had their sexualities solved and were so incredibly sure of themselves. When I found asexuality and the ace community I thought “Holy cow, this is it, I found it! Maybe I’m not so abnormal after all” and I was so very happy, and wanted to come out to a close friend of mine, a male, but when I did I was met with “I can’t believe that, you’ve never had sex or anything, you haven’t even had more than one relationship” and when other people asked me what my sexuality was they’d say “You know asexuality doesn’t exist right? It’s humanly impossible, sex is hardwired into all people” which I tried to ignore, but then when I tried to tell my mom she also said “Hahahaha sure, just wait, when you’re older you’ll find the right person and it’ll change your mind about this”. So I abandoned the idea of asexuality, I convinced myself that I was lying to myself, that I wasn’t /really/ asexual. But then as time went on, I saw all the posts from this page about asexuality, that there’s a spectrum to it and you don’t have to be any one way to be asexual and a light bulb went off, and I thought “Bro, you’re asexual. Stop trying to deny yourself”. So that’s where I am now, and I wouldn’t have ever gotten here without this page and pages like it, and the people who are a part of them. Thank you 😊

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From the inbox #339

“I’m not sure if I’m the only one but sometimes, I feel like I really do NOT want people around me, naturally, I just want to be alone. I never really wanted marriage or kids or even anyone living with me. I’m almost 20 and my parents would tell me that I haven’t found the right guy yet, Actually, I did find a guy that I was interested in BUT I didn’t like the idea of having those kinds of dreams with him. The thought of those stuff honestly makes me feel uncomfortable, I do not know if this is normal. Am I the only person that feels this way?”

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From the inbox #329

“I’m pretty indifferent to sex, but I can’t understand why someone would want to have their hands, mouth, etc. near that part of the body. Yuck! I’m also pretty repulsed by the male anatomy. Don’t much care for women’s anatomy either. I guess I would have been right at home with the Victorian “lay still and think of England’ attitude. I did experiment when I was in my twenties, mostly because everyone said, ‘you just haven’t found the right guy.’ I never even heard of asexual until a year or so ago. I’m almost fifty. Is mine a singular experience or are there other people my age with similar issues?”

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From the inbox #110

“I’m in high school, and for a very long time I knew that I was asexual. I am heteroromantic, though, but I do not feel any sexual attraction whatsoever. So when everyone at my school is talking about how great sex is, I just don’t understand. I often times feel left out, but at the same time I don’t see the big deal about it. People often tell me “you just haven’t found the right guy,” “you’re not old enough,” or etc., but I know for a fact that I don’t feel any sexual attraction. I don’t know what to do about it. Even my parents say these things. People at school tell me that I just haven’t had “a good time” yet, even my boyfriend says that! Seriously?? I’m just so stuck. I know my sexuality is valid, but others try to prove me wrong about MYSELF. Don’t I know myself better than others? What can I do?”

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From the inbox #73

“So, hi. I’ve been openly asexual for 3 months or so now and I must say, it has been tough. I’ve been told that the “right man for me” is out there, I’m not an important part of the spectrum of the sexuality, and so forth. “What would you know? You’re 14.” I’ve felt so broken for years and now that there are so many people in my situation, I feel… less alone, less broken. I live in South Africa, and people here… let’s just say that they don’t like things that are different. But I suppose it’s like that everywhere. As far as I know I am the only asexual in the tiny town I live in. And it’s really lonely and there’s no one to relate to. I understand that I can’t avoid some situations, but potential romantic relationships are a constant fear of mine even though I’d like one someday. And it feels really terrible that I want to give someone something that they deserve and not being able to. I won’t be able to offer something, someone in a relationship wants and that’s equally terrifying. But now that I know there are other jellybeans, like me. It’s really comforting, even though that you may be living in a different country, or even a different continent . But I feel that I’m no longer an outcast looking for something in the rain, but a family member under a sky of opportunity, seeking a new destiny with hands to help me. And it warms my heart that I am able to help other people in the same boat.

Even though it may be a meme, a message or a video I appreciate all of the support that asexuals and our sexuality receives from our supporters. Thank you for helping me (and others) to be proud of who we are. Asexuals United! ♡”

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