From the inbox 621

“Hey im just looking to meet some ace people im transgender from gloucester dont hate sex but dont really like it im just trying to meet some people from around or close to gloucester if anyone is willing to be friends would be greatful if ud post it without my name and i will send request to people that comment saying they wouldnt mind being friends”

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From the inbox 616

“I’m curious if any other genderqueer, biologically female aces get extremely dysphoric/depressive around the time of their periods and what methods they use to combat that? I felt like hell the last time I was on any hormonal birth control, but my dream is a (non-surgical or minimally invasive) treatment that would stop the cycle entirely and not fuck with my moods or my body otherwise — I prefer my relatively androgynous form and don’t want boobs or anything, thanks.

Any advice?
(I’m already on Prozac for depression and an eating disorder, btw.)”

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From the inbox 579

“Random thoughts

I’m transsexual and gender-fluid?! Why am I so angry?!
First of all, in my own case (and only in my case/maybe not in others), I feel that the dual gender bender stuff I do is dysfunctional because society does not collectively accept or protect it. I mean, let’s face it! From the outset, most countries only recognize two genders, not to mention a bazillion other factors. It is a given therefore that you are either male or female. Nothing more and nothing less. To be more or less means to live in alienation from others and to suffer it in your own mind, like a prison. What comes of the person who is both genders or neither? The precedent for binary overshadows anything else to the point of threat. I for one feel like kicking binary’s ass up and fucking down the block like the bitch tool that it is. It neither recognizes natural ambiguity nor does it embrace doing what feels right, regardless of cultural expectation. Both I find to be highly idiotic and very unimaginative. Not to mention showing complete lack of thought process, concern for future generations or the protections of minority. I could go on.

One very real possibility for causing this personality dualism is prolonged waits for gender reassignment. Having to live forever/no-end-in-sight, between worlds can impact the person from several foreseeable view points, right off the cuff:
* Cultural expectation. What society expects of a person.
* Conditioning. What sorts of responses the person must make to a world that has certain expectations of them. This could be particularly true for instance, in cases where the person is undetected and members of the opposite sex advance. A second scenario could be that the undetected person has to forgo activities that are healthy, natural, culturally relevant and are the rights of passage for other healthy counterparts because if they participate, they run detection risk and the implications are alienation, discrimination and the dismantling of the person’s life in general.
* Treatment. What types of self-therapy that is administered during and throughout the process of delayed treatment.
* These stereotypes and outcomes are reinforced by my particular circumstance. I say self therapy here because it has been my experience that individuals tasked with monitoring and treating what I call ‘circumstantial depression’ are largely not familiar with the task at hand, nor do they share similar background or experience. Many do and of those, it has equally been my experience that those persons vastly and disproportionately assign themselves to being ‘the freak’. This only serves to keep the treatments anyone receives in an imbalance and unequipped for the task at hand: namely, to aid a person mentally from point a to transition.
* At some point, I have had to face reality. I am not fully one or the other from a reproductive, chemical, sociological or culturally acceptable standpoint. Coming to peace with being unable to move forward yet also being unable to go backward is quite difficult for a person who has always been in forward motion. This should have been a very short blip and then been completely forgotten about but instead, it has become the needle in the haystack which poisons the whole barn! A small thing like this should be worked out instantly, not over years and years of time without any foreseeable end. But because it has no end, it becomes the entire focus of all that matters and completely destabilizes the natural and delicate balance of having many issues throughout life and still conquering them. When do I get to move on from this completely ridiculous road block so I can live my fugging life and be a ‘normal functioning’ member of society. I fear, by the time I do get whatever treatment may finally become available, it will be too late to repair the damage or it will take yet more years upon years to heal from.
* The non-binary person is seen as a perversion of the sexes and is therefore relegated to the expectation that they must live their life as a perversion. This only complicates relationships, on all levels, not to mention the damage to the otherwise healthy psyche.
* The mental gymnastics that the non-binary heterosexual individual must perform are astronomical. Any would-be partners are therefore at best, unlikely to take up such a challenge, let alone be prepared to do so.
* Any relationship that is formed on the basis of knowledge that the non-binary person is somehow “missing something” will forever mar both individuals and likely will lead the the eventual collapse of said relationship, not to mention the damage it inflicts on upcoming relationship goals, thoughts or ideas. To be damned regardless is to be without hope.

This hurts the head, confuses me and strains and plagues all of my relationships, regardless if platonic, work related, romantic, sexual or otherwise.

Is it therefore arguable that surgical care must happen within a certain timeframe? If so, what dictates the timeframe since each individual is different? What sorts of special catches do we put in place for people who fall through the cracks and go untreated for years on end? Are there protections ensuring that for instance, when said person loses a job due to this (they are finally ‘detected’), they have support to rely on (which happened to me and continues to happen again and again)? What are the implications of all these thoughts and so many more? How can people relate to me?

I wanted to go undetected and I succeeded in that, but at the end, only by avoiding people and pushing them away. I’ve always gotten annoyed at the types of people that make this type of thing the focal point of their lives because to me, it’s very one-dimensional and indicates lack of depth, maturity and experience. So after all of mine, can I at least make it better for someone else? I didn’t want this. I just wanted what I perceived that others had; a ‘normal life’, with a partner who matched me in caliber. I realize I’m asking for the impossible since I have to live so abnormally but it didn’t stop me from dreaming and pushing toward that goal. I’m a fighter though and I will always believe something worth having is worth fighting for.

I want to go on for hours but my back hurts, REALLY badly. I needed a massage 3 years ago.”

Edit:

“There have been two minor revisions that I feel help clarify. I’ll share those with you.

* The non-binary person is seen as a perversion of the sexes and is therefore relegated to the expectation that they must live their life as a perversion. This only complicates relationships, on all levels, not to mention the damage to the otherwise healthy psyche. The very fabric of a person’s worth is on the skewer and in the fire to be burned up and incinerated. Embracing the perversion often feels the only way to go.

* These stereotypes and outcomes are reinforced by my particular circumstance. I say self therapy here because it has been my experience that individuals tasked with monitoring and treating what I call ‘circumstantial depression’ are largely not familiar with the task at hand, nor do they share similar background or experience. The remaining practitioners may be equipped in such a way however, it has equally been my experience that those persons vastly and disproportionately assign themselves to being ‘the freak’ and don’t really step away from the issue or solve it. Instead, they relish it. This only serves to keep the treatments anyone receives in an imbalance and unequipped for the task at hand: namely, to aid a person mentally from point a to transition.”

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From the inbox #443

“I’m a sex-repulsed asexual trans woman and love the physical intimacy and touch leading up to sex. I feel sensually attracted to just about everyone I meet and want to snog them silly but I’m scared that they’ll want to go farther than I’m comfortable. I really want to be part of a relationship but I’m not sure how to approach and explain all of this to someone.”

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From the inbox #442

“Hello, I am a recently out transwoman and have been considering getting an ace ring and I want to put a stone on the ring to represent me as a transgender but I’m unable to find any specific stone that does so. Does anyone in the ace community know if there is a stone that represents transgender, change or womanhood?”

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From the inbox #422

“I need advice

I’ve always referred to myself as Asexual but the truth is I do feel a little sexual attraction.

But my main problem lies in masturbation on itself.
I have been told it releases stress and recently begun to try it.
I have found I cannot no matter what I do reach a orgasm. It makes me feel like a failure. I am also a transgender male, so body dysphoria could be a part of it but I feel like it isn’t.

My situation is that I get distracted easily, my mind wanders and I just don’t finish and when I try its still not possible.

Is this a normal thing for people who are asexual? Is it only me? I need advice. It’s worsening my depression.”

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From the inbox #411

“I am not ace . I’m am transgender and am currently having my own baby I have had sex before but used and al donor to have my child I’m currently having before I finish my transtion. I was just wonder is it normal for me to not like sex anymore ? I really been thinking about this a lot and I would love an ace partner in the future as I feel it would be a long lasting relationship and wed be on the same level .”

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From the inbox #344

“Hi everyone I thought I would introduce myself!! Im jessica and im a trans woman who has been on hormones since November 2015! Up until this year I always saw myself as attracted to women and/or non binary folk. In the last few months following talks with ace friends and personal reflection on my own thoughts, actions and feelings for the last 10 years I’ve realised there’s an extremely strong possibility that im on the asexual spectrum although where and how it is termed I am unsure of so would love some input!! I myself do not actually feel sexual attraction but rather emotional attraction dependant on the persons personality. Sex itself has always felt uncomfortable and I’ve wanted it over and done with. I do however enjoy intimacy such as kissing and cuddling and hugging and things like that. I also unfortunately have a complicated relationship with my own body because of my dysphoria towards my own body which is why im unsure about whether this is related or not.
Thank You!! ”

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From the inbox #337

“Here’s a question for the readership – I have spent my whole life feeling I’m in the wrong gender, and now I’m in a postion to start transition, but I know that the hormones would give me a sex drive (since having my baby I’ve been blessedly free of the urge). Does anyone else find it impossible to place themselves on the gender spectrum because sex gets in the way?”

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From the inbox #334

“I’ve been dating this guy for a couple months and in the beginning it was solid. I considered myself Asexual and Aromantic and I still do. There’s no sexual attraction and there’s no romantic attraction. I have a habit of dating sometimes solely to pass time or fill a void in my heart cause I’m in a different state from my best friend. I moved recently in February from CT to MI and it’s been pretty gruesome. Doesn’t help that I’m also trans FTM but I’ve found solace and im living happily aside from my current relationship. He’s clingy and I hate clingy but I also hate the fact that I can’t voice up my words half the time on how I feel. I’m a terrible person that ghosts out of relationships no matter how close our places may be solely because I can’t do close to someone sexually or romantically. We kissed and had sex the first couple of weeks and then after the first month I noticed I was getting bored and more repulsed by his touches. I can’t handle it but I also can’t handle him being unhappy. He’s a sensitive guy who’s oddly invested in me despite the little time. I’m not sure on what to do aside from talking it out but it’s hard to do for me.

Maybe people within the community would be able to give out their own opinions? The more the better I guess.”

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