From the inbox#741

“Greetings to you all. I just wanted to take the time to thank you for this page and all that you have given light to.

I just want to share my experience with an Asexual partner who is also FTM Trans.

Myself, I am not Asexual. Far from it. In fact when my Partner came out to me as both Trans and Asexual, boy did I have a lot on my plate.

I grew up in a sheltered life in the Bible Belt and smack dab in the middle of KKK support. So I have always heard the hell fire and brimstone rhetoric if only being two genders and love between man and woman.

How women are supposed to be treated and sex is something a man has to have and women should just like it. So Trans, Asexual, different sexual orientations? You will burn in hell for such ways of thinking.

I always knew I was different. I grew and shaped into the person I knew I was. Sure, coming to terms with who I was was no easy feat and my parents to this day haven’t fully accepted me. [I am 28] I soon found people attractive no matter what the gender. My crushes ranged from men and women and I dated a bit of both.

It wasn’t until last year that I met the person of my dreams. A few months of dating and they came out to me as Trans. Oh boy did that change my way of thinking. A bit of talking, some research as to what they truly were and it wasn’t that hard if A stretch to just fully accept the person I was in love with.

A little bit later He told me they were on the Asexual spectrum. Once again, I was met with a while new change. Once again…research, talking it out and just flat out being understanding on their wants and needs, it wasn’t so hard to grasp.

What does bother be is the Taboo and stigma of having sex with an Asexual or that sex will almost never be a thing and it’s not going to make a relationship. It will break without it.

I hang my head in shame that this way of thinking exists. I blame the area I live for part of it, but just the fact that people still think love or sex is so clear cut and defined. Even when I was married, I never really thought sex was needed to make a marriage work. Some days I wanted it, others the thought of it didn’t excite me. Other times I needed other things before I felt the need for sex.

It wasn’t until I met my Partner and read about others that have experienced this, that its ok to not want, need, or even partake in anything sexual.

Being cuddled, hugs for hours or even just simply being held is enough. I love him for who he is. A Trans, Asexual. And I am proud to know this page is full of so many others like this. You all have opened my eyes to so many things.

TL;DR – my Trans Partner is on the Asexual spectrum and we have never felt that sex has to be the end all be all. I hope the stigma that sex needs to be a thing will end. I am so happy to have them, and this page rocks. Thank you for existing.”

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From the inbox #740

“I just thought I would write this to encourage people unsure about telling their families they’re ace(Not sure if this is the right place to be writing this).
Just under a year ago I first came out to my family. When I came out to my brother he in turn confided with me that he was bi, something he’d been keeping to himself for a while. Later on I came out to my mum, and although she didn’t really get it at first she accepted me.
Being the wonderful person she is, she set out to find out as much as she could and we’ve had many conversions about it since.
Anyway, last week on my 19th my mum gave me bag with a bunch of cupcakes printed all over it, and inside where two books on asexuality and a pride pin. I can’t put into words how happy I was, since it felt like the ultimate moment of acceptance to me, when all my worries finally vanished. I’ve been wearing my pin ever since.
The point of this rambling is, sometimes we just need to put more faith in our families and they’re reactions. We might even find out something’s they’ve been scared to share in return!”

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From the inbox #736

“In terms of relationships, how much do community/friends/family play a part in helping shape your identity? Have you found significant solace and understanding from being a part of an asexual community, or (depending on the support given) can friends or family still significantly help nurture your wellbeing and sense of self?”

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From the inbox #689

“I went to the pride festival in Seoul, Korea and found all this Ace representation and education. I wanted to share with the community so people can see what wonderful inclusion and support within the queer community there is here.”

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From the inbox #662

“I was wondering if panromantic or homoromantic ace’s have any tips for coming out to parents. I think they’ll accept me but will struggle to understand which is what I “worry” about. I am panro but never considered coming out because I have never felt the need to, but I think I may be getting into a relationship and I don’t want to have to hide them from my parents. Other people I couldn’t care less about coming out to, a few people already know through association to us both and are obviously very supportive.
I’ve considered messaging my parents with info and basically saying “it me” or printing info out. I just think I’ll struggle to say it to them without them knowing what it is first.
Thanks in advance!”

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From the inbox #647

“I’m not sure if you do things like this or I’m not sure who does I am youngest candidate for my state of New Jersey but as well I’m trying to be the first ace in general assembly. You don’t need to help but I am trying to find as many groups that help me out”

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From the inbox #638

TW: Rape

CONTENT WARNING: sexual violence: Hello! I work at a rape crisis center and am wondering if anyone has any information on Ace survivors ( either stats, credible websites, etc.) I too am ace, but have no idea where to start with this. Thanks so much!

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From the inbox 619

“Hello! I would just like to let y’all know that you have helped me feel better about myself. I’ve only found this page a week ago but it’s already made me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you so much for that.

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From the inbox 608

“I just wanted to thank everyone who expresses acceptance and understanding for the asexual community.
It is not an easy road to tread. It’s not as easy as just saying “I’m not interested.”

Imagine going on four years in a relationship with someone you love dearly. You enjoy everything about them, except sex. Maybe you don’t even like kissing. But you’re great at pretending that you do like it, and each day is a struggle to keep pretending because at this point, if you be yourself… you will lose your best friend and partner forever.
When you hit puberty with all your friends, you heard them tell stories about being afraid to tell their parents about their true sexual Identity, and you listened to their tales of forbidden love with wide eyes. But you had no stories… because you never felt that way towards anyone. Ever. And it never really occurred to you before. And suddenly, the world seems like a very lonely place.
I fought with myself for my entire adolescent life about how I should be a sexual person, because I knew I needed that closeness that can only come from a romantic relationship. Now, at 26, I deal with sex because I love my partner, and I know it is a need of theirs.
But I once felt so broken that I almost made a decision that I couldn’t take back. I felt so alone.
When I found out about Facebook pages and websites dedicated to asexuality, for the first time in my life, I felt like I don’t have to go through this alone.
So, again… thank you.”

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