From the inbox 588

“What’s the difference between a crush and a squish? I’m pretty sure I’m ace and anyway, there’s this girl that I’ve been hanging out with, and I really like her and I’ve been having feelings that are along the lines of ‘I want her to notice me/care about me/be close friends with me’. It’s different to how I feel about my other friends but I’m not sure if it’s a crush or a squish or something else. Thoughts?”

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From the inbox 584

“hey- so im in a bit of a weird situation and im not sure who to ask about this…
i just broke up with my gf and the main reason she cited was that she thinks she may have had more of a squish than a crush on me when she thought about it. were on good terms now, and im wondering if i might want to be in a qpr with her instead, but i feel like that might be weird for me to ask her. thoughts?”

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From the inbox #521

“This is probably just whining but nobody I try to discuss this with understands. A loved one of mine recently started seeing somebody; they’re sexually active and I’m struggling with feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. This is a very close friend of mine, and I guess my feelings for them are…queerplatonic, might be the term? Idk. Ideally I’d love to be “single together” with somebody, just a companion so we both have somebody to live life with using the buddy system. I’m explaining myself very poorly. Basically, I’m jealous because their partner is able to offer them things that I just do not have the wiring for. I love deeply, but not in the right way. 😐 I can not offer “enough” to make somebody else happy as their primary relationship. This has happened before with another friend, and we’re still close, but the old level of intimacy is gone. And the phrase “just friends” gets under my skin, because it devalues the highest level of bonding that I can reach. Arbitrary hierarchy.

IDK, I’m sorry. I’m just afraid of a lifetime of being pushed to the side by the people I love most for others who can offer the whole package. Anybody ever feel the same way? How do you deal with it or channel it into something constructive? Thanks for reading, I swear I’m not usually this melodramatic. 🙂

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From the inbox #476

“Okay, so please don’t make fun of me. I’m a college student and I have a HUGE squish on my favorite professor. There’s nothing inappropriate or romantic about it- he’s like fifty and I’m a twenty year old gay girl. But every time he talks to me I feel so much smarter having had that conversation and I love the knowledge he imparts on me. Also, he and I share similar academic interests and similar senses of humor – he’s so funny. And I feel like he could be an LGBT role model for me.
I feel really terrible and embarrassed about this. I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
I love his lectures and I’m enrolled in a class with him next semester. So I suppose my question is directed to anyone who has had a squish like this that they felt was somewhat inappropriate. How do I strike up a conversation and become friends? Preferably friends in a mentor-mentee sort of way. I have no idea what to do. I’m really embarrassed. Also, I’ve been told to just go to office hours, but he has such good lectures that I never have any questions!
Please help me. Is this inappropriate? Is there any way I can kind of recruit him as my mentor in a way that won’t be construed as messed up? 😕

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From the inbox #428

“Okay, so. There’s this new kid at my work, and I’ve only known him a couple days, but I kind of really like him. Not in a romantic way or anything, but I just really want to get to know him and get closer to him. Is this what a squish thing is? I’ve never really experienced this before, and I’m kind of freaking out about it.”

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From the inbox #419

“Hello!
I’m working on a project about different types of attractions. Maybe you guys can help me figure out the difference in a crush and a squish. I mean I know what they are but I’m trying to figure out a simple way to explain a squish to someone who hasn’t had a squish and a crush to someone who hasn’t had a crush.”

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From the inbox #401

“I’m an ace at uni, been round the houses a bit with boyfriends not understanding/accepting my sexuality (I perhaps exaggerate; that was the first boyfriend and I’ve only had 2). The last one was lovely and we broke up for geographical reasons more than anything else, so I do know there are good ones out there (for any who occasionally doubts it – they do exist).
However, in my usual glamorous style I have developed a *very* strong squish on a guy I know…..but he’s Hypersexual (genius, right?You have my permission to do a round of applause for that marvellous turn of events).
I love having him as a friend, get very distracted by him, kinda want to know what he feels, but don’t want to ruin the friendship.
Help?! What are the options here? “

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From the inbox #123

“Hello ~ I’m a person in a hurry. Might you people help me?
I know very well I’m asexual. I feel so like arromantic, but… I can barely feel that romantic love for someone. I can have a squish, I can say.
So the problem is that I’ve never said in public that I’m ace. My family don’t know, and just a few friends know it.
I don’t know why, but for some reason, I’ve never told it to my crush. I’m afraid, might be.
Biologically I’m a girl. I feel myself as a boy. I actually look like a guy (short hair, flat chest, boyish clothes… People on street often see me as a boy). I do like girls by physical attraction, squish and barely romanticism. I do like boys by physical attraction and barely squish.
And my crush… Technically, she’s straight. But she has said that she ‘most that loving someone, admire someone’. I like to think that might she’s like me too.
But I’m still very worried. Yeah, I look like a boy, but biologically I am not! If I tell her my feelings… Would she hate me?
Might she like boys… Even if I can get myself very close to ‘being a boy’, I am not, and she actually must think I’m straight!
I’m really afraid.
If I tell her my condition… Would she see me as the same as ever? We have been friends more than about three years… If she don’t feel ok with me around anymore, what should I do?! I could be truly sad!
I really don’t want her to go. I feel that squish so hard and I want her to be happy. I’m afraid of what will she think about me now…
How can I tell her what I feel without shocking her or something? How can explain her the kind of feelings I can get about people? What if she thinks that being around with some like human that looks like a boy but it’s a girl is too weird?
I don’t even want a romantic relationship with her! I feel truly happy just staying near, by her side. I want her to be my squish. I want to be that kind of ‘super friend’ who is that close and special. I want to make myself sure of that she can feel my love to her, and that I’ll be by her side.
I’m really afraid of this step. Please, help me. How can I begin? Should I just tell her I’m ace and my feelings? I can’t handle my heart when she’s around… Please!!
Oh, also… I’ve not said anything to my family because I’m still very young and they will not believe me (17) and they don’t even know what is an asexual… Or that we do exist… -sigh-”

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From the inbox #87

“I think I’m asexual, I mean, I’m twentish and I never experienced sexual attraction for anyone, so maybe…? And I never had a crush, but lately there is a person I feel a strong bond with and I don’t know what it is. I asked my friends but they say they understand when they have a crush because they have sexual attraction for this person and this can’t help me. So how do you people understand when you are in front of just a really strong friendship or a crush/someone you love?”

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