From the inbox #840

“I was wondering if any other aces/aros/aroaces would be willing to share their thought on or experiences with squishes. I have feelings for a guy and I’m about 80% sure it’s a squish, but it’s super intense and sometimes dials up further and I’m freaking a little because I have no idea if I’m misidentifying other attractions or not.”

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From the inbox #786

“So I’ve recently figured out I’m asexual, sometimes I think back about my previous interactions and think I might be Demi, but I know for certain I am Ace in one form or other, which is nice to know 🙂

However I am very much romantic or find my self drawn to certain people, whether it’s a squish or a crush (sometimes I get confused between) but struggle because I am a very sensually attracted person, in that I want to touch them, cuddle be flirty etc but I know these kinds of things are often coded as when someone wants to be sexual with another person.

Do I need to say straight up I am sensually attracted (not necessary in those words) but not sexually?

But I also am not certain I wouldn’t want to do sexual things, cause I have before even if I didn’t feel sexual attraction. So part of me is like.. wellll maybe wait to bring it up?
Because although I’ve not hated sex before, I’m a bit indifferent but did it for the other person and was curious about the hype (it disappointed lol) I’ve only ever enjoyed kissing one person who I was in love with. Otherwise it just feels like swapping saliva.

Thoughts? Help? I’m basically trying to understand my own feelings and any advice would be greatly appreciated.”

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From the inbox #769

“Hey guys
So I just wanted to rant to someone about this but I have a friend who is straight and he and I hang out pretty much when ever we can and I identify as ace aro and he is basically my squish and when I go over to his we just sit and watch TV smoking fags and it makes me feel really at ease I’ve led up against him like just rested my head on his shoulder and he doesn’t make a fuss or tell me to stop
He just is
But alot of people keep asking me or make jokes about our friendship saying we are dating and comments like that which makes me feel bad like me being friends with him is bad for him I just hate it when we hang out with friends because it always happens

Any advice you could give me ?”

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From the inbox #744

“I saw your posts about squishes. I’ve had one for 15 years and we’ve been doing fun things together though I never explained all this to him. Next month he leaves the country to live with his girlfriend. How do I get anyone to understand how messed up I am?”

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From the inbox #742

“Hello,
I saw your post about what a squish is. I’m still fairly new to the ace world. Going on two years being openly asexual. And I wanted opinions on how to approach someone about being your squish?

As the definition stated it’s an intense feeling of attraction, liking appreciation, and/or admiration for person you usually want to get to know better and become close with. It’s different from just wanting to be friends and that there is an intensity about it and it is proportion sense of elation when they like and appreciate you back.

There have been many times in my life where I met a person or made a friend that I liked so much that I just wanted to be around them, hang out with them, and talk with them all the time. In a way that goes beyond just saying you seem cool let’s be friends. But most the time I’ve had these encounters we never even become close friends because of conflicting schedules or distance. The one time in my life this wasn’t the case was with a friend of many years and when our schedules finally matched up we quickly went from close friends, to best friends, to now being a hetero romantic asexual couple for the past year and a half.

But I digress.
In recent years I’ve made a few ace friends and there’s one in particular that I have found a kindred spirit with. They’re pretty introverted and spend most their time with family instead of friends so it’s difficult and sometimes I feel bad even attempting to ask them to do stuff and half the time I don’t even know how to ask. I just want to get to know them more but I don’t want to force them to go out, or spend money, or interact with people they don’t know either.
I also don’t want them to think it’s weird that a hetero romantic ace in a relationship has an interest in becoming squishes with an Aero ace.

Is that weird?
What should I do?”

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From the inbox 588

“What’s the difference between a crush and a squish? I’m pretty sure I’m ace and anyway, there’s this girl that I’ve been hanging out with, and I really like her and I’ve been having feelings that are along the lines of ‘I want her to notice me/care about me/be close friends with me’. It’s different to how I feel about my other friends but I’m not sure if it’s a crush or a squish or something else. Thoughts?”

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From the inbox 584

“hey- so im in a bit of a weird situation and im not sure who to ask about this…
i just broke up with my gf and the main reason she cited was that she thinks she may have had more of a squish than a crush on me when she thought about it. were on good terms now, and im wondering if i might want to be in a qpr with her instead, but i feel like that might be weird for me to ask her. thoughts?”

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From the inbox #521

“This is probably just whining but nobody I try to discuss this with understands. A loved one of mine recently started seeing somebody; they’re sexually active and I’m struggling with feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. This is a very close friend of mine, and I guess my feelings for them are…queerplatonic, might be the term? Idk. Ideally I’d love to be “single together” with somebody, just a companion so we both have somebody to live life with using the buddy system. I’m explaining myself very poorly. Basically, I’m jealous because their partner is able to offer them things that I just do not have the wiring for. I love deeply, but not in the right way. 😐 I can not offer “enough” to make somebody else happy as their primary relationship. This has happened before with another friend, and we’re still close, but the old level of intimacy is gone. And the phrase “just friends” gets under my skin, because it devalues the highest level of bonding that I can reach. Arbitrary hierarchy.

IDK, I’m sorry. I’m just afraid of a lifetime of being pushed to the side by the people I love most for others who can offer the whole package. Anybody ever feel the same way? How do you deal with it or channel it into something constructive? Thanks for reading, I swear I’m not usually this melodramatic. 🙂

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From the inbox #476

“Okay, so please don’t make fun of me. I’m a college student and I have a HUGE squish on my favorite professor. There’s nothing inappropriate or romantic about it- he’s like fifty and I’m a twenty year old gay girl. But every time he talks to me I feel so much smarter having had that conversation and I love the knowledge he imparts on me. Also, he and I share similar academic interests and similar senses of humor – he’s so funny. And I feel like he could be an LGBT role model for me.
I feel really terrible and embarrassed about this. I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
I love his lectures and I’m enrolled in a class with him next semester. So I suppose my question is directed to anyone who has had a squish like this that they felt was somewhat inappropriate. How do I strike up a conversation and become friends? Preferably friends in a mentor-mentee sort of way. I have no idea what to do. I’m really embarrassed. Also, I’ve been told to just go to office hours, but he has such good lectures that I never have any questions!
Please help me. Is this inappropriate? Is there any way I can kind of recruit him as my mentor in a way that won’t be construed as messed up? 😕

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From the inbox #428

“Okay, so. There’s this new kid at my work, and I’ve only known him a couple days, but I kind of really like him. Not in a romantic way or anything, but I just really want to get to know him and get closer to him. Is this what a squish thing is? I’ve never really experienced this before, and I’m kind of freaking out about it.”

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