From the inbox #1044

“So I’m having some wobbles with my sexuality. I’m trans, and on E…before I started hormones was horrible – I felt sexual a lot, and I didn’t like it. Then I started E and my drive dropped a bit, and was quite up and down for a long while. Then I found myself squarely in the ace camp, and I’ve considered myself ace for a while now.

Then a while back I started having sexual dreams getting aroused some nights, and I asusmed it was my T-blockers wearing off (frankly I still thing that, but my doctor doesn’t agree!) Since then I’ve had the occasional urge to watch porn and…sort myself out…and then the urge usually goes away for some time. Thing is I can’t decide what that means. I’ve tried sex stuff a couple of times, and I didn’t much care for it…I get aesthetic attraction, but I’m not sure at what point that borders on sexual attraction? Oh, and it’s never (or at least not recently) been towards anyone in my reality as it where – people online, in porn or movies might look good but I don’t think I want to have sex with them, and I’ve not come across anyone who I think “I would like to have sex with them” in real life…

Sorry, I’m rambling…long story short – ace or not ace? thx

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From the inbox #1034

“I’m demi and trans. I’ve been on t for a little while and something really weird has been happening. I’ve had sexual attraction to random people I don’t even know on a couple occassions and tbh it’s really freaking me out. It’s never happened before and I don’t know how to handle it. Has this happened to anyone else on hormones? Did it go away? How did you deal with it?”

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From the inbox #963

“Is anyone else here ace and bipolar and has to deal with the hypersexuality symptom of mania? I feel like in other people’s minds they will invalidate each other. If someone knows I’m ace, they might be less likely to believe I’m hypersexual during a manic episode. If someone knows I’m bipolar, they might be less likely to accept I’m ace due to the “crazy sex fiend” stereotype.

It’s also so annoying to deal with balancing both! Even though my asexual identity is just bc I’m not attracted to people, and I still sometimes have a sex drive, it’s still fairly low. But then during a manic episode it can skyrocket. Which is just inconvenient for so many reasons on top of typical mania issues. (Example one: impulse sexual encounters and then the people thinking they’ll still have the same chance of getting in my pants when I’m stable.)

Just wanted to vent and find out if I’m not alone?

P.S. I’ve also encountered aphobes who are literally aphobic BECAUSE they experience hypersexuality. “I’m hypersexual and it’s hard so I think aces are the worst and also can’t be queer.” I think that’s the worst one for me.”

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From the inbox #941

“Hey, I just wanted to share my story. I haven’t always been Ace, thought I’ve always been really “picky”.
Anyway, I was talking about it in a chat room in a video game at one point and this guy literally kept arguing with me that I want asexual if I had a sex drive. I tried explaining to him that sexualities are about attraction, not drive, but he wasn’t having it. He refused to even see that by his logic homosexuality and heterosexuality weren’t what they really were either. He was belligerent and really rude about it, calling me stupid and telling me repeatedly that because I still have a sex drive I want asexual. He even went as far as to get my contact information so he could further berate me about it over discord and kept telling me that his asexual friends all thought I was stupid too.
But you know, we’re not bullied or erased or anything…”

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From the inbox #853

“Am I the only one who masturbates just to get the horny feeling to go away? I feel disgusting during and after. I just want to stop feeling horny and then disgusting.”

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From the inbox #846

“I identify myself as an Ace however some very confusing things happened lately.
Reason I always thought I was different than the others is because I have never really been attracted to sex. The first time I even saw pornography as a teen I just wanted to barf while others found it stimulating.
I have had sexual relationships however most of the time I was just going through the motions. I did not feel any enjoyment or sexual attraction.

Whilst I do have urges occasionally, when it comes to having sex with someone I just cannot do it. I find the whole experience boring and also painful.
However, lately there is someone I am interested in with whom I did not accept to have sex with but I still wanted to be with him and we made out a few times.
I sometimes feel horny thinking about him and sometimes I regret that we didn’t sleep together.
On the other had when the opportunity came I just could not get myself to do anything with him apart from second base.
Help I do not know what is going on anymore, is this asexuality or something else?”

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From the inbox #830

“So, I’m demisexual and I always feel a bit weird. I actually have a high sex drive when I’m sexually attracted to someone.

Outside of that, however, I think I’m actually pretty sex repulsed. I hate seeing it in TV shows or movies, PDA from other people makes me sick. I used to have friends who were a couple and they would literally make out in front of people even when my other friend(not ace but an assault victim) would ask them to stop and it would make me feel so gross.

Is there a word for this? Being sex repulsed when it comes to other people but not yourself? Or is this one of those things that I guess just doesn’t really need a word? And is anyone else like this?”

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From the inbox #664

“trigger warnings: mentiones rape, sex…

I’m realizing how much of a problem it is to identify as asexual around straight guys. I think that I’d get understanding but really all they want is to the one that proves me wrong. They think corrective rape is the solution. They think that they need to teach me how to do it right so I will like it. Try to prove to me I have a drive and libido when it has nothing to do with asexuality.

I’m just so sick of being manipulated because guys see asexuality as a tease as a fetish as a challenge instead of realizing that I’m off limits when it comes to sex. It’s so hard because the asexual Community is so small and it’s so hard to believe and Imagine That within the small community I can find someone that I can connect with and relate to and be happy.

It’s hard to be in a world where sexuality so important all I want is relationship without sex but people don’t get it. And it bothers me, it bothers me that people equate love and sex, it bothers me that people can just accept that I’m asexual and move on but bug me and drive me crazy with questions that are very private and personal. I’m just feeling really frustrated and upset it’s not easy to be asexual.”

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From the inbox #663

“You see, I’m Demisexual, and I used to identify an ace until I realized I would like sex but only with a very close significant other. However, recently, though I have no one I’m with currently, I have been getting sexual feelings, but not to any specific person. In fact, I don’t even think of someone at all, I just sort of do and I’m super lost. I don’t know if I’m still considered Demisexual or not. Please help”

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