From the inbox#741

“Greetings to you all. I just wanted to take the time to thank you for this page and all that you have given light to.

I just want to share my experience with an Asexual partner who is also FTM Trans.

Myself, I am not Asexual. Far from it. In fact when my Partner came out to me as both Trans and Asexual, boy did I have a lot on my plate.

I grew up in a sheltered life in the Bible Belt and smack dab in the middle of KKK support. So I have always heard the hell fire and brimstone rhetoric if only being two genders and love between man and woman.

How women are supposed to be treated and sex is something a man has to have and women should just like it. So Trans, Asexual, different sexual orientations? You will burn in hell for such ways of thinking.

I always knew I was different. I grew and shaped into the person I knew I was. Sure, coming to terms with who I was was no easy feat and my parents to this day haven’t fully accepted me. [I am 28] I soon found people attractive no matter what the gender. My crushes ranged from men and women and I dated a bit of both.

It wasn’t until last year that I met the person of my dreams. A few months of dating and they came out to me as Trans. Oh boy did that change my way of thinking. A bit of talking, some research as to what they truly were and it wasn’t that hard if A stretch to just fully accept the person I was in love with.

A little bit later He told me they were on the Asexual spectrum. Once again, I was met with a while new change. Once again…research, talking it out and just flat out being understanding on their wants and needs, it wasn’t so hard to grasp.

What does bother be is the Taboo and stigma of having sex with an Asexual or that sex will almost never be a thing and it’s not going to make a relationship. It will break without it.

I hang my head in shame that this way of thinking exists. I blame the area I live for part of it, but just the fact that people still think love or sex is so clear cut and defined. Even when I was married, I never really thought sex was needed to make a marriage work. Some days I wanted it, others the thought of it didn’t excite me. Other times I needed other things before I felt the need for sex.

It wasn’t until I met my Partner and read about others that have experienced this, that its ok to not want, need, or even partake in anything sexual.

Being cuddled, hugs for hours or even just simply being held is enough. I love him for who he is. A Trans, Asexual. And I am proud to know this page is full of so many others like this. You all have opened my eyes to so many things.

TL;DR – my Trans Partner is on the Asexual spectrum and we have never felt that sex has to be the end all be all. I hope the stigma that sex needs to be a thing will end. I am so happy to have them, and this page rocks. Thank you for existing.”

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From the inbox #739

“I’ve been in a few relationships and everytime, I have found myself not becoming aroused or bored of sex. I’ve never been a fan of labels but I’m finding myself thinking I might be asexual. I think I need a label to feel… true to myself and to explain myself to further partners. Though the more I look into it, I don’t think I am asexual. I’m so confused. I don’t see any appeal or feel any arousal towards people or sex. The only time I can tolerate the idea of enjoying sex is if it results in pregnancy because I desperately want a child. But I didn’t think there was a label for that. Is there anyone who understands this or knows that could be? I thought asexual was what described me the best but now I’m not so sure I fit in with you all and a label so help me find myself would really help me…”

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From the inbox #736

“In terms of relationships, how much do community/friends/family play a part in helping shape your identity? Have you found significant solace and understanding from being a part of an asexual community, or (depending on the support given) can friends or family still significantly help nurture your wellbeing and sense of self?”

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From the inbox #701

CW: Depression

“I want to ask if it’s possible for an aro and an ace to be together. I am a homoromantic asexual (maybe, or maybe demisexual or somewhere in the grey area) and I suspect my gf could possibly be an aromantic homosexual
We’re both cisgender female
She has changed since we started to be togheter , 1 month and a half ago, but I don’t know if it’s because of her cyclical depression (she fell back in her black abyss lately 😞 ) or because she’s just an aro and her past romanticism was
just due to the entusiasm of a new relationship
I’m so confused
Is there anything such an Aro/Ace couple?!? It sound so weird but I love her so much and I’m okay doing sexual stuff with her, I actually enjoy doing stuff to her , even if I’m not able to react to what she tries to di to me. And I enjoy the cuddling and the kissing and the petting with her too, I need all of that actually. Should I speak to her about this… ? I’m afraid to loose her”

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From the inbox #670

“As I’ve learned from following this blog (and my own experiences); it’s possible to be asexual but still enjoy sexual experiences, either by themselves or with others. By extension then, is it possible for an aromantic to enjoy romantic experiences or gestures?

Ex. My friend just said “oh so-and-so isn’t aromantic because i buy them flowers all the time and they really enjoy it.”

If you are aromantic, what types of romantic experiences do you enjoy, if any?”

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From the inbox #666

“Hi. Last time I posted, I had only ‘come out’ to one person. Now, I’m out totally. I was wondering if any asexuals have life partners? I’d really like someone to share life with, but on dating sites, everyone seems interested in sex xx”

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From the inbox #632

“My sister is only 15 and so the types of relationship don’t make much sense to her at all. She only really knows the whole “I like you” part but not the ways you can be attracted to someone. I want to be able to explain it to her since makes comments sometimes about how she thought she liked girls and normally prefers them but is dating a boy and it confuses her a little. She’s shrugging it off as being ‘Bi-lesbian’. But no matter what she identifies as I feel like she could always benefit from being able to tell the difference. So ANY advice on how to explain the difference would be appreciated. Right now she thinks there is “Liking someone” or “Being friends”. That romantic relationships are just being friends with them. As a Demisexual Panromatic person I found never being taught the difference to be very damaging and isolating for me. It caused years of unnecessary pain and confusion, doubts and “I’m broken” type thoughts. I don’t want to chance that with my baby sister. She can be anything and my family will love her all the same. I just want to give her the information in a way she understands, so she can be more sure of herself.”

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From the inbox 629

“My friend heard today from our mutual acquaintance that aroaces who are in relationships for whatever reason (be it taxes or just a very deep not romantic bond) make exactly zero sense and it really got her down. I think she could handle the message alone but it was said in kinda rude way. I’d like to ask other ace (and aroace especially!) people to give her some hugs and loving because she totally deserves that. And maybe some advice how to handle remarks or buddies like that.”

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From the inbox 622

“Hello! I’m a science teacher in Sweden and I’d love to ask some advice. I teach sex ed as part of the curriculum. When we are talking about gender and sexuality, I use the Genderbread Person to teach and make sure to specifically talk about the fact that it’s normal for people to feel different amounts of romantic and sexual attraction or none at all. We also talk about healthy relationships and I’ve made sure to talk about how these principles apply to friendships as well, not just romantic or sexual relationships. In the next grade, we talk again about safe sex and I’m making sure to say that not everyone is interested in sex but I was wondering if you (or your page members) have any suggestions for making the sexual intimacy related parts of class a more safe and inclusive space for ace/aro individuals.”

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From the inbox 576

” Me and my partner have been together for 7 years, since we were both 18, have 1 child and have lived together 5 years. We are each others best friends. Since having my daughter 8 months ago we haven’t had sex, nor do we want to, and when we planned a baby, it took us over 12 months to conceive as we never have sex! We are both 100% happy with this. We haven’t had sex now for over a year. All our friends think we are weird and regularly ask: so have you guys done it yet. We just don’t get the big deal !! Don’t get me wrong, we like to be intimate, but it wouldn’t bother us if we didn’t do it ever again. We both have no attraction to others outside our relationship but do find each other attractive. As far as labels i am pansexual and he is straight. Does anyone think we could fall on the spectrum at all? I don’t really understand it, but he longer we go with no interest the more I’m thinking about the term ace. We are otherwise a normal, happy, functional couple, no problems or anything. Help?”

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