From the inbox #821

“So I’ve always had the notion of being poly, because I feel the same affection towards everyone, because I love everyone, but in different ways and at different levels. I’ve had alot of relationships that I have quickly regretted going into, after realising I wasn’t all that into this person. I’m coming to the realisation that perhaps, it is platonic love, and that is why this is happening to me. I’m demi-pansexual but I don’t necessarily have to love someone, my emotional bond can be something like a really good friendship bond. But I’m starting to wonder, and I aromantic? I’ve been questioning this since I read a post about aros being able to be a hopeless romantic, and we’ll I’ve always been told “you want a wedding not a marriage” maybe I’m attaching myself onto people quickly because I feel a need to experience my “happy ever after” I’m sorry I’m rambling, but I’d like some advice please.
I’ve spoken to my partner about this, he’s part of the spectrum too so he’s very understanding.

I’ve also, never really felt that mushy love, the joy of being by one person all the time. But I can commit to people, I put so much effort into people, but I struggle to find a benefit of mine that isn’t a safety blanket and a friend.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #807

“As a question for my open-minded friends as well as myself, how do Aromantic relationships work? I would love to know to be able to understand this better as a person.

Also, what is the full difference between NB and Agender? Again I would love to fully understand this so I can be a better person.

Thanks!”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #793

“I’ve always thought the perfect relationship for me would be semi-polygamous. I’d have a boyfriend that I shared an emotional bond with, and he’d have a second girlfriend who he solely slept with and she and I were close friends.
Is that weird? I feel like it’s bizarre.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #783

From the inbox:

“Hi, I’m sex repulsed. The idea of sex terrifies me. I’m a 23, soon to be 24 year old male. Virgin. Before I discovered I was Asexual and before I discovered the Asexual community this fact really used to worry me. I’d seriously lose sleep over it. I would become upset that I wasn’t having sex and not knowing how to have sex and the fact I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of sex. . Now I’m okay with the idea of not having sex.
. I’m worried that when I enter a relationship sex will be a massive issue. I don’t want sex. Full stop. Kissing and cuddling is brilliant but sex itself? No. I’ve heard of lots of Asexual people being broken up with because of sex. I’ve not been in a relationship in five years and I doubt I’ll be in one soon so this isn’t an immediate problem but still…

Advice?”

Here are the replies

From the inbox#741

“Greetings to you all. I just wanted to take the time to thank you for this page and all that you have given light to.

I just want to share my experience with an Asexual partner who is also FTM Trans.

Myself, I am not Asexual. Far from it. In fact when my Partner came out to me as both Trans and Asexual, boy did I have a lot on my plate.

I grew up in a sheltered life in the Bible Belt and smack dab in the middle of KKK support. So I have always heard the hell fire and brimstone rhetoric if only being two genders and love between man and woman.

How women are supposed to be treated and sex is something a man has to have and women should just like it. So Trans, Asexual, different sexual orientations? You will burn in hell for such ways of thinking.

I always knew I was different. I grew and shaped into the person I knew I was. Sure, coming to terms with who I was was no easy feat and my parents to this day haven’t fully accepted me. [I am 28] I soon found people attractive no matter what the gender. My crushes ranged from men and women and I dated a bit of both.

It wasn’t until last year that I met the person of my dreams. A few months of dating and they came out to me as Trans. Oh boy did that change my way of thinking. A bit of talking, some research as to what they truly were and it wasn’t that hard if A stretch to just fully accept the person I was in love with.

A little bit later He told me they were on the Asexual spectrum. Once again, I was met with a while new change. Once again…research, talking it out and just flat out being understanding on their wants and needs, it wasn’t so hard to grasp.

What does bother be is the Taboo and stigma of having sex with an Asexual or that sex will almost never be a thing and it’s not going to make a relationship. It will break without it.

I hang my head in shame that this way of thinking exists. I blame the area I live for part of it, but just the fact that people still think love or sex is so clear cut and defined. Even when I was married, I never really thought sex was needed to make a marriage work. Some days I wanted it, others the thought of it didn’t excite me. Other times I needed other things before I felt the need for sex.

It wasn’t until I met my Partner and read about others that have experienced this, that its ok to not want, need, or even partake in anything sexual.

Being cuddled, hugs for hours or even just simply being held is enough. I love him for who he is. A Trans, Asexual. And I am proud to know this page is full of so many others like this. You all have opened my eyes to so many things.

TL;DR – my Trans Partner is on the Asexual spectrum and we have never felt that sex has to be the end all be all. I hope the stigma that sex needs to be a thing will end. I am so happy to have them, and this page rocks. Thank you for existing.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #739

“I’ve been in a few relationships and everytime, I have found myself not becoming aroused or bored of sex. I’ve never been a fan of labels but I’m finding myself thinking I might be asexual. I think I need a label to feel… true to myself and to explain myself to further partners. Though the more I look into it, I don’t think I am asexual. I’m so confused. I don’t see any appeal or feel any arousal towards people or sex. The only time I can tolerate the idea of enjoying sex is if it results in pregnancy because I desperately want a child. But I didn’t think there was a label for that. Is there anyone who understands this or knows that could be? I thought asexual was what described me the best but now I’m not so sure I fit in with you all and a label so help me find myself would really help me…”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #736

“In terms of relationships, how much do community/friends/family play a part in helping shape your identity? Have you found significant solace and understanding from being a part of an asexual community, or (depending on the support given) can friends or family still significantly help nurture your wellbeing and sense of self?”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #701

CW: Depression

“I want to ask if it’s possible for an aro and an ace to be together. I am a homoromantic asexual (maybe, or maybe demisexual or somewhere in the grey area) and I suspect my gf could possibly be an aromantic homosexual
We’re both cisgender female
She has changed since we started to be togheter , 1 month and a half ago, but I don’t know if it’s because of her cyclical depression (she fell back in her black abyss lately 😞 ) or because she’s just an aro and her past romanticism was
just due to the entusiasm of a new relationship
I’m so confused
Is there anything such an Aro/Ace couple?!? It sound so weird but I love her so much and I’m okay doing sexual stuff with her, I actually enjoy doing stuff to her , even if I’m not able to react to what she tries to di to me. And I enjoy the cuddling and the kissing and the petting with her too, I need all of that actually. Should I speak to her about this… ? I’m afraid to loose her”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #670

“As I’ve learned from following this blog (and my own experiences); it’s possible to be asexual but still enjoy sexual experiences, either by themselves or with others. By extension then, is it possible for an aromantic to enjoy romantic experiences or gestures?

Ex. My friend just said “oh so-and-so isn’t aromantic because i buy them flowers all the time and they really enjoy it.”

If you are aromantic, what types of romantic experiences do you enjoy, if any?”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #666

“Hi. Last time I posted, I had only ‘come out’ to one person. Now, I’m out totally. I was wondering if any asexuals have life partners? I’d really like someone to share life with, but on dating sites, everyone seems interested in sex xx”

Here are the replies