From the inbox #1356

“Two and a half years ago I was worrying about telling my squish my feelings towards her and even if I got lots of support from people in this page to go ahead I didn’t. We kept seeing each other as always and became closer friends, until we both called each other “best friend” and our friends couldn’t figure out one of us without the another. It was like a dream since I was afraid my squish would find me weird for wanting to be that close to her all the time and treating her like almost a girlfriend without actually being one, and as I’m a trans boy (still binding tho) she could think I was bi or lesbian or any other allosexuality and wanted something from her. Despite that fear, we became a beautiful bromance after all.
However, one night of last year we were on the train back home and she let her head rest in my shoulder. I was nervous and didn’t know what to do. We were covering our knees with my jacket and behind it, she took my hand. Technically we were cuddling and my heart went hyper fast and I honestly didn’t know what to do. If she was expecting something or whatever I was only desperately confused. At the station were we separate our ways home I told her indirectly that I was asexual and she told me all nice she was demi! Deep peace breath there.
idk how much time later I went to visit her as usual, and when we give each other a strong hug to say good bye at the end of the day, she hugged me and kissed me. And for God’s sake, NOW I WAS DYING INSIDE. We started dating a month later because I was dead that whole time yet.
The thing is, we lived five months of a normal asexual romantic relationship. One day she kissed me and didn’t let me go until it became a deep kiss. Alrighty there but I noticed that the second time wasn’t the same. Like I forgot all of my aro self that time and all was “first times”. Now it’s like before. Deep kisses seems boring and unnecessary. Don’t feel like even kissing her since the second or third time, I feel alright by hugging, cuddling and sometimes holding hands. She became my beloved squish again after all those doses of first times. Today, at the beginning of our second year of relationship, I’m afraid of telling her I don’t feel like when we started dating. I do love her, just as always, I want her to be happy and all, but I miss those times when we would be like a platonic pairing. Obviously now we know our feelings and that’s awesome, but I want to hug her and fall asleep without implying anything sexual nor even after a long kiss. I know she probably won’t ask me to intimate but maybe she thinks I like us more as a romantic pairing instead of our deep bromance?
What do you think? Should I tell her straight something like “I don’t really enjoy kisses, let’s go back and be squishes!” or just let it be or I don’t know??”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1212

“Looking back at my life, I now see I’ve always been ace without knowing. But since this question is more about emotions I won’t deepen that part of the story. Anyways. I had crushes before, I felt desire to be close to them and kiss the hell out of then but as soon as I got close enough to do so I lost interest. It always felt like I was a cat hunting a bird. Once it caught the bird, it’s no longer interesting. I now understand it, thanks to you all, as lithromantic/ akoiromantic. Over a year ago I thought I developed a crush on a colleague but this time I simply could not imagine more than a kiss on the forehead. Not knowing about squishes but constantly thinking of him, I declared a crush. He told me he wouldn’t care that much. That feeling stayed and we became friends. Ans since that day I am happy. Around him, with him. later I learned about the term squish and it seemed to be the perfect word. Now, a year later we still are friends and quite close. He is ace as well and identifies as aro. Since I know about it I GRAVE romantic behavior. Not like taking a bubble bath together, or singing him songs, but more like cuddling, kissing, stroking his head, telling him how important he is to me and so on. basically relationship stuff, without the naked and weird parts. I’d give up everything I am having right now to be with him, in case he’d move or similar. I might be ready to beat people up that treat him bad. He is. The MOST. Important person in my life.
To the question: Have you ever felt similar? Should I tell him or is it simply my desire to get what I won’t be. My hunting attitude? I don’t know how I should behave. Because it’s driving me sooo nuts!
Thanks for reading.”

Here is the reply

From the inbox #1004

“So I saw this shortly after a moral freakout on the same page about what looked like a celebrity QPP to me. (I have FB friends who troll Christian pages. Some sludge drifts across my timeline. Don’t judge me. XD ) Two rants in proximity don’t make a pattern yet, but it might be good to remind people to sharpen their arguments in case this steps up more.”

Link

Here are the replies

From the inbox #983

“I’m curious who had experience with qpr’s.
I want to hear from you guys about how it went for you if you would share.

I’ve been struggling a lot with it because it’s sort of that gray area where you have to define a lot of aspects of the relationship.
Like how do you started off in a way that doesn’t cause confusion?

You can pm me if you want.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #908

“Ideas on how to explain queerplatonic partnerships? I have a qpp that I adore, but I have a difficult time explaining our relationship to friends and family.
NOTE: I am grey-aro, sex-repulsed, and fairly touch-averse, so this relationship reflects that a lot

I usually use the “something between a friendship and a romantic relationship” a lot, but people never fully seem to understand that.

If they’re looking for more explanation I’ll say that it’s “the first part of a romantic relationship, where it’s just cuddles and dates and occasional kisses” combined with “the quiet, familiar love and domesticity of an old marriage”, but that’s a hell of a lot to say.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #847

“At one of the aces meetups someone told me about this website…. I think it’s perfect for Aces who want something more like a QPR then the traditional relationship…. Or just to get some cuddles…”

Link

Here are the replies

From the inbox #793

“I’ve always thought the perfect relationship for me would be semi-polygamous. I’d have a boyfriend that I shared an emotional bond with, and he’d have a second girlfriend who he solely slept with and she and I were close friends.
Is that weird? I feel like it’s bizarre.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #780

“I identify as demi panromantic and I have a question. I’ve only had straight relationships and I find it really hard to be attached to people. (Trust issues and BPD kind of do that for you). But I would love to date a girl. I have no idea how to go about this though. Especially being asexual and also kind of realizing neither guys, girls or anything in between finds me interesting or attractive.
I mean, I just left a 5 year relationship and I wasn’t very happy when I fell out of love with him. But now there’s this hole in my life. I ended up meeting a girl that I get along with really well and I love her to pieces. When I met her, we hit it off like that. Wasn’t until the end of the night that I found out she was 14. (I’m 23.) I don’t get along with people my age and even in the groups and fandoms I join feel alien to everyone.
I love this girl and she’s my best friend but I can’t get it out of my mind that my feelings are wrong and sick.
So my question is this. How do I go out and try to make friends if I’m terrified of the world around me? How do I go out into the dating world when I’m scared that my sexuality will cut down my choices. (And the fact that I have never had sex before and most people who have expect it out of the people they date.)
Is it normal the way I feel about this girl? Is there something wrong with me mentally? I’m scared and I really need support and advice.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #742

“Hello,
I saw your post about what a squish is. I’m still fairly new to the ace world. Going on two years being openly asexual. And I wanted opinions on how to approach someone about being your squish?

As the definition stated it’s an intense feeling of attraction, liking appreciation, and/or admiration for person you usually want to get to know better and become close with. It’s different from just wanting to be friends and that there is an intensity about it and it is proportion sense of elation when they like and appreciate you back.

There have been many times in my life where I met a person or made a friend that I liked so much that I just wanted to be around them, hang out with them, and talk with them all the time. In a way that goes beyond just saying you seem cool let’s be friends. But most the time I’ve had these encounters we never even become close friends because of conflicting schedules or distance. The one time in my life this wasn’t the case was with a friend of many years and when our schedules finally matched up we quickly went from close friends, to best friends, to now being a hetero romantic asexual couple for the past year and a half.

But I digress.
In recent years I’ve made a few ace friends and there’s one in particular that I have found a kindred spirit with. They’re pretty introverted and spend most their time with family instead of friends so it’s difficult and sometimes I feel bad even attempting to ask them to do stuff and half the time I don’t even know how to ask. I just want to get to know them more but I don’t want to force them to go out, or spend money, or interact with people they don’t know either.
I also don’t want them to think it’s weird that a hetero romantic ace in a relationship has an interest in becoming squishes with an Aero ace.

Is that weird?
What should I do?”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #733

“Where do you draw the line between someone who is just a friend and someone who is your “zucchini (someone you’re in an ace aro queer platonic relationship QPR with)”? And if you’re Demi how do those QPRs fit in with your romantic relationships? Do you feel that by having a QPR in addition to a spouse makes you non-monogamous?”

Here are the replies