TW: Acephobia (Several “Bingo”s ahead!)
“Hi, Aromantic here from Kenya.
So I’ve been reading articles on how asexuality isn’t a valid sexuality, and how it shouldn’t have a label. It got me so furious because the label itself is much more important than anything else. The Asexual label saved me from the depression, the pressure of my friends to fix me by providing a guy who’ll blow my mind with amazing sex so that i can be normal again like i was not in the first place and accepting myself as a normal human being. The label made my feel like I belonged that i was normal in each and every way and that there are people like me so i shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am.
It’s been a few months since I discovered my Spectrum and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
That label holds a great value to so many people and saves so many lives. I’m thankful to this community you really helped me cope with a lot.
*Sorry for the grammatical errors English isn’t my first language*”
“When I check comments, people often refer to pans as poly people….but why?
Are most pans poly? I’m quite lost, I thought being pansexual/panromantic only meant you’re attracted to every genders…..Not to every people in the world”
“trigger warnings: mentiones rape, sex…
I’m realizing how much of a problem it is to identify as asexual around straight guys. I think that I’d get understanding but really all they want is to the one that proves me wrong. They think corrective rape is the solution. They think that they need to teach me how to do it right so I will like it. Try to prove to me I have a drive and libido when it has nothing to do with asexuality.
I’m just so sick of being manipulated because guys see asexuality as a tease as a fetish as a challenge instead of realizing that I’m off limits when it comes to sex. It’s so hard because the asexual Community is so small and it’s so hard to believe and Imagine That within the small community I can find someone that I can connect with and relate to and be happy.
It’s hard to be in a world where sexuality so important all I want is relationship without sex but people don’t get it. And it bothers me, it bothers me that people equate love and sex, it bothers me that people can just accept that I’m asexual and move on but bug me and drive me crazy with questions that are very private and personal. I’m just feeling really frustrated and upset it’s not easy to be asexual.”
“My friend heard today from our mutual acquaintance that aroaces who are in relationships for whatever reason (be it taxes or just a very deep not romantic bond) make exactly zero sense and it really got her down. I think she could handle the message alone but it was said in kinda rude way. I’d like to ask other ace (and aroace especially!) people to give her some hugs and loving because she totally deserves that. And maybe some advice how to handle remarks or buddies like that.”
“So I had a female friend visit me because she was feeling lonely – she lives an hour and a half’s drive away so clearly she’s a good friend, contrary to my eternal self-doubt, and she’s far more outgoing than me so living in a small town with no established friend group I think she was really feeling blue. We were in the park chatting about randomness and the topic came around to sexuality,so I of course stated (fairly simply) that I’m Ace, and that it just means I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.
Now the part that annoys me, and she is a great friend with nothing but the best intentions and all, is that she proceeded to then try and tell me all the reasons she thought I wasn’t Ace;
I have used the phrase “She’s hot” before;
Asexuals don’t masturbate;
Just because I haven’t had sex yet doesn’t make me Ace…
I think she made a couple of other points, but overall the impression was that she was trying to make me feel better about myself by showing me that I’m not really Ace, as though it were something bad, or something to be ashamed of… The best analogy I can come up with is that it was as though I’d told her I thought I might be a selfish bastard, and she was reassuring me that I’d done plenty of things that proved otherwise and therefore objectively she could prove that I wasn’t selfish after all. “Now don’t you feel better about yourself?” sort of approach.
Now I love this girl (platonically, as friends! ) and she’s very supportive and open-minded, so it makes me wonder where this image of Asexuality as a character flaw comes from, and if anyone has advice on the best way to educate people, especially such friends, otherwise? I somewhat timidly used the usual counterpoints so often mentioned by this page, but somehow they felt a little underwhelming in the face of my friend’s conviction that she was helping me by trying to disprove my Asexuality…”
“It bothers me when people “blame” asexuality on something. We don’t blame being bi or gay on anything, it’s just how people are. There’s nothing to change or “fix” about asexuality. Aces shouldn’t have our orientation treated differently than any other.”
“Hi pals! At the beginning of my conturbed teenage years, I thought I was so drowned in studies than I did not care about the boys or the pervert things in the world…
But most recentely, just like two years from now, I found my triple orientation (sexual, gender and romantic): I am a proud ace agender panromantic!
But to say that to a majority binary allo heteronormative is hard and also sad
The classic answers started to pop out to me: “you will find the right person!”, “you got a childhood trauma?”, “you will get sick without it…”, and all that famous BLAH BLAH BLAH
Worse: I live in a country that aces basically are excluded and joked upon… Just like, I am not the relligious type and my “family” wants to see me into a nun’s habit because I do not want to give anyone a grandson/niance
But now I am not feeling sooo alone and sooo deslocated even with my in-continuous-development English because I know there are allies and aces out there to help me and all other aces in trouble!
Para os meus conterrâneos lusófonos e/ou que moram no Brasil: vocês não estão doentes nem muito menos sozinhos!
(FYI: that is a little heads-up to other lusophone aces ;3)
From your ace warrior, Dark”
“Warning: Rant about erasure
So, I just had a whole experience on trying to educate some people on what asexual was, whom believed there is only three sexualities and two genders.
What I received was an inane conversation containing the most amount of acephobia I have ever seen, as well as genderphobia.
Plants, single-cell organism, need the right guy, basically abstinence, a disability, a disorder, hormone imbalances, not real because it’s a choice, because its human to not to want to have sex with everything, why is there a special word for ‘I don’t like sex’, it doesn’t exist, and more.
One reply was simply a picture saying “Triggered beyond the realm of mysogny”. Yes, because asexuality is about hating women.
The worst part was that the OP deleted the comment these replies were on, only rooting in the erasure that I was trying to educate against, on the point of it being “off topic”. It was a post about ‘agefluid’, it was already on identities.
I’m sorry, I needed to say this somewhere. The absolute ignorance and stupidity of some people is astounding.”
“Have you seen this video? * This youtuber identifies as bisexual and tries to dismiss demisexuality. Even when demisexual people in the comments section try to tell her that demisexuality is real, she still says she won’t change her mind while continuing to perpetuate myths about the asexual spectrum. I’m not demisexual but I think it’s hypocritical of her to claim that demisexuals don’t face discrimination and that it disregards the discrimination faced by gay, bi, and trans people while claiming that the term demisexual slut-shames allosexuals (*rolls eyes*). [The title of the video is misleading. One could mistake that for a coming-out video or an informative video about demisexuality. Don’t be fooled. It’s neither of those things. I don’t think she will change her mind, but I think it would be good to warn asexual-spectrum people and people actually wanting to learn about the asexual spectrum to stay away from videos like this.]”
*They added the link to the video, but we decided not to share it to not give the person who made the video more views. Instead, here’s the basic info ,so you know what to avoid:
“This is the name of the youtuber that made the video I sent: Mems-ogyny. Name of video: Real Talk- Demisexuality.”