From the inbox #1339

“I just wanted to share my gratitude. I’ve been single for 10 years. I’ve never been able to explain to my friends and family why, because 1: I didn’t think they’d get it and 2: I honestly didn’t understand it myself. I found this group recently and it has started to take away some of those feelings of being broken or wrong. I haven’t found an exact name for what I am yet… there’s SO many options… but just knowing that there’s definitely something to explain/describe me brings me so much peace. I hope to one day tell my friends and family once I have a better grasp on it for myself. I just wish I lived in a bigger area so I could connect with people in real life, not just through the Internet. Thank you so much for the humor, advice, help, community, and everything else you guys do!!! 😀 💜

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1337

“So i just want to share that a friend of mine who has been a huge support in my learning and coming out process recently told me they were questioning their own identity and if they might be asexual. In less than an month they found a term that they feel comfortable with that fits them, and looking back on my own journey, particularly the too-many years i spent believing i was broken, im so proud of how far the community has come. I spent years with a very narrow and constricted view of what asexuality was and i was convinced that i couldn’t be asexual for this reason or that reason, and didn’t come to my current label for almost six years after learning asexuality existed. That a person could come forward with a question and have an answer in such a short amount of time shows how much we as a community have grown and become visible, and im very proud of that. Im beyond thrilled for my friend, and i wish you all a happy early Asexual Awareness Week. Be safe, Be proud, Be YOU.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1283

“Hi, I would like to ask a question to your followers. I seem to never be attracted sexually to people I like in real life, but sometimes I think actors or people I don’t really know are attractive. I’m not sure if it’s a aesthetic attraction or sexual attraction. Why I feel it only with people that are not “real” (like there are real but not into my life). Is this just fantaisies? Am I still ace? Or another identity in the ace spectrum?”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1261

TW: Coercion mentioned

“I’m an extremely sexual demi (once I have sexual attraction, I’m in the mood almost all the time), and am dating someone who appears to be somewhere under our lovely ace umbrella. He describes himself as “basically asexual”, but doesn’t care for utilizing an actual label (which is fine, obviously).
The problem comes in where I’ve never dated someone who was ace-spectrum. And neither has he. He’s expressed on numerous occasions that his entire history of sexual experience involves regularly being forced/coerced/guilted into sex. He’s also said that he’s not sex-repulsed, and sometimes even enjoys sex, but doesn’t care for it enough to ever initiate. For me, if he were sex repulsed I’d be okay never engaging sexually at all. But knowing he’s sometimes okay with it makes me really want to have a sexual relationship, even if it only happens once every 50 years. How do I proceed while being respectful of his feelings? I don’t want him to feel pressured by me attempting to initiate, but at the same time he has said he will never initiate it himself.
Tl;dr: My potentially gray-ace bf stated he sometimes likes sex but will never initiate. How do I proceed in a way that won’t make him feel pressured? And also in a way that won’t make him feel like other forms of affection (kissing, etc) are just being used to get sex (because they are not, I love him to death and enjoy every second with him, sexual or not)?”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1226

“Been following this group for awhile now, and while ive had questions ive never really had the courage to ask. So here we go, i guess.
I’m 28. Been in several relationships. Have 2 kids. A couple years ago i was talking to my cousin about sexuality and how i felt like i didn’t really fit into any category. I described to her what i now know as freysexuality(?) But even then it isnt right. I bounce so often between feeling sexual, sex repulsed, more often than not i just dont care and i can let it happen.
Sometimes i feel like its something i want to do. I think because i crave intimacy, but the act itself doesnt really feel like anything. I think i just sort of dissociate during.
My question is, how do i know if the way i feel is real? I mean i dont know what to call myself. Labels have never really felt all too important to me but i feel like i need tk explain myself somehow.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1078

“Just curious…is there a place for those of us who are… proud to be part of the diverse rainbow… can (sell & purchase) our various rainbow related crafts? Something like, I don’t know… one place that I could go to for gifts & that would help support the artist as well as the rainbow community. I’m not trying to offend anyone by using the term “rainbow”… I just don’t want to leave anyone out… I like the term “QUILTBAG” but not everyone has heard that before…
Queer (or questioning)
Undecided
Intersex
Lesbian
Transgender
Bisexual
Asexual
Gender fluid…
I like it because of the mental image.”

Here are the replies