From the inbox #830

“So, I’m demisexual and I always feel a bit weird. I actually have a high sex drive when I’m sexually attracted to someone.

Outside of that, however, I think I’m actually pretty sex repulsed. I hate seeing it in TV shows or movies, PDA from other people makes me sick. I used to have friends who were a couple and they would literally make out in front of people even when my other friend(not ace but an assault victim) would ask them to stop and it would make me feel so gross.

Is there a word for this? Being sex repulsed when it comes to other people but not yourself? Or is this one of those things that I guess just doesn’t really need a word? And is anyone else like this?”

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From the inbox #819

“Hello! After they noticed that I haven’t had a serious relationship since high school (I’m 25,) a few friends suggested to me that I might be legitimately asexual. I always considered myself to be an open-minded cis-hetero LGBT+ ally, but I denied the idea that I was anything other than a heterosexual with too much anxiety to bother with relationships. After all, I’m romantically attracted to women and enjoy the sexual experiences I’ve had before. It wasn’t until recently that I began to question my sexuality. I’ve had some interesting experiences in the past year which forced me to do some serious introspection. My curiosity brought me to this page, and over the past week I’ve been piecing together information from people here, dissecting my past struggles with sex and relationships. I’ve come out as asexual to my parents and most of my friends, but I still had my doubts and settled on the idea that “it’s just on a spectrum.” Labels don’t give me anything except a place to start.

Then tonight, I found an article about demisexuals. It describes to a tee all of the romantic failures, abandoned friendships, and insecurities about love and dating that I’ve dealt with my entire life. It gives me a newfound hope that I’m not inherently damaged or broken, I just process love and sex in a different way. It helps just knowing there are others who understand and even approach relationships in the same manner. In time, I may even revisit the online dating scene, after spending years telling myself that there’s no way I could ever be compatible​ with anyone else due to my uncomfortable history of trying to connect with others.

I’m not sure if this has been shared here before, but it really helped me find the final missing piece in my loosely-defined sexuality, and I think it could be a major help to others in my shoes. I’ve been severely depressed for a long time, and I believe this revelation could be the start of a new chapter of growth and self-acceptance in my life. Thanks for giving us this community as an outlet to figure out who we all are and what makes us beautiful human beings.”


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From the inbox #815

“I’m not ace but I do programs where we teach people about the LGBTQA+ community and today I went to a middle school and after my group talked about terms and answered questions we left. We were going through reviews and one the middle schoolers said his favorite part of the program was “The sheet of paper that helped me find the word and figure out what I am” and then he had circled asexual and I was so happy we actually got to help someone today and thought the group may want to hear it.”

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From the inbox #807

“As a question for my open-minded friends as well as myself, how do Aromantic relationships work? I would love to know to be able to understand this better as a person.

Also, what is the full difference between NB and Agender? Again I would love to fully understand this so I can be a better person.


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From the inbox #805

“I have a very pressing matter to resolve. You know how allos refer to a hot person as “eye candy”? Then should aces who experience aesthetic attraction refer to an aesthetically pleasing person as “eyecake”? I reckon we should… 🤔

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From the inbox #777

“I’m wondering if anyone else doesn’t like to actually call themselves asexual because others peoples commentary on the subject and it just doesn’t seem worth the argument”

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From the inbox #774

“How do non-ace people even feel sexuality? Someone just said to me, ‘I think most people don’t form sexual attraction until in a relationship and I don’t think it deems a label’. I told her it helped me to know I wasn’t broken. I just wish people would get it.”

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From the inbox #711

“What word would fit in the analogy “Blank is to non-aromantic as celibate is to non-sexual?” In other words, we all know celibate is a word that fits people who DO experience sexual attraction but choose not to have sex, but what is a good word for a non-aro ace like me who does experience romantic attraction but has chosen not to pursue romantic relationships? ”

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From the inbox #700

“I’m often wondering what the difference is between gray-ace/demi and sex positive asexuality within a romantic relationship. I know in theory that the difference is that demi/grays feel sexual attraction to their partner after an emotional bond is formed but that sp asexuals enjoy sex but don’t experience sexual attraction. In theory I understand that, but I don’t understand it in actuality. I’m trying to find a label for myself for my own comfort, but it occurs to me that I don’t actually know if I experience sexual attraction or if it’s just getting turned on by my partner. I consider myself to be in a romantic relationship with my partner, and sometimes we do have sex. But I don’t actively think about their body or anything like that. Sometimes I’m in the mood for it, and sometimes if we do end up doing anything I do feel arousal. I don’t know if it’s because we already have an existing emotional bond (demi) or if it’s just the physical stimulation I like. I certainly wouldn’t have sex outside of a relationship but that’s also because I find it unnecessary and messy, whereas I see sex with a partner as just another form of physical intimacy. Is that sexual attraction? I honestly don’t know and I know it shouldn’t be bugging me but I’m the type of person who likes labels to soothe my own anxiety.”

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