From the inbox #777

“I’m wondering if anyone else doesn’t like to actually call themselves asexual because others peoples commentary on the subject and it just doesn’t seem worth the argument”

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From the inbox #774

“How do non-ace people even feel sexuality? Someone just said to me, ‘I think most people don’t form sexual attraction until in a relationship and I don’t think it deems a label’. I told her it helped me to know I wasn’t broken. I just wish people would get it.”

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From the inbox #711

“What word would fit in the analogy “Blank is to non-aromantic as celibate is to non-sexual?” In other words, we all know celibate is a word that fits people who DO experience sexual attraction but choose not to have sex, but what is a good word for a non-aro ace like me who does experience romantic attraction but has chosen not to pursue romantic relationships? ”

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From the inbox #700

“I’m often wondering what the difference is between gray-ace/demi and sex positive asexuality within a romantic relationship. I know in theory that the difference is that demi/grays feel sexual attraction to their partner after an emotional bond is formed but that sp asexuals enjoy sex but don’t experience sexual attraction. In theory I understand that, but I don’t understand it in actuality. I’m trying to find a label for myself for my own comfort, but it occurs to me that I don’t actually know if I experience sexual attraction or if it’s just getting turned on by my partner. I consider myself to be in a romantic relationship with my partner, and sometimes we do have sex. But I don’t actively think about their body or anything like that. Sometimes I’m in the mood for it, and sometimes if we do end up doing anything I do feel arousal. I don’t know if it’s because we already have an existing emotional bond (demi) or if it’s just the physical stimulation I like. I certainly wouldn’t have sex outside of a relationship but that’s also because I find it unnecessary and messy, whereas I see sex with a partner as just another form of physical intimacy. Is that sexual attraction? I honestly don’t know and I know it shouldn’t be bugging me but I’m the type of person who likes labels to soothe my own anxiety.”

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From the inbox #699

TW: Abuse

“I want to get feedback on something kind of sensitive and I know you post stuff from your inbox… But I was wondering: is it wrong to tell people you’re asexual if the reality is you suffered sexual assault and it seriously influenced your ability to ever have sex again? I was molested as a child and was comfortable with my sex drive until the memories started coming back a year ago and I find it’s really hard to explain that I don’t want to have sex ever ever again without going into personal details. Is it wrong that I want to tell people I’m asexual? I’ll stop if the community thinks it’s wrong, but I don’t know how to ask this question. Sorry.”

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From the inbox #690

“People don’t realise that aces have actually always been in the community. We were just classified in other groups because we didn’t have a name or label.

I have a personal example of this:
Back when I was teen a friend would show me pictures of “hot guys” and exclaim “isn’t he so sexy?”
Most of the time I didn’t get it and I would just start agreeing so he wouldn’t balk at me all, “what??? Really??!” When I said no.

His logic??? I must be pansexual.

If I had the word back then things would be different.
At least I know now and I’ve been feeling a lot better since!”

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From the inbox #680

“Hi, Aromantic here from Kenya.
So I’ve been reading articles on how asexuality isn’t a valid sexuality, and how it shouldn’t have a label. It got me so furious because the label itself is much more important than anything else. The Asexual label saved me from the depression, the pressure of my friends to fix me by providing a guy who’ll blow my mind with amazing sex so that i can be normal again like i was not in the first place and accepting myself as a normal human being. The label made my feel like I belonged that i was normal in each and every way and that there are people like me so i shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am.
It’s been a few months since I discovered my Spectrum and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
That label holds a great value to so many people and saves so many lives. I’m thankful to this community you really helped me cope with a lot.
*Sorry for the grammatical errors English isn’t my first language*”

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From the inbox #649

“I have a question for the community based on terminology:
What would you call it if you consent to sex but, secretly, really don’t want to do it? If there’s no external pressure but you put pressure on yourself?
Thank you!”

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From the inbox #636

“Is there a term for someone who likes some sexual stuff but not intercourse?

I know you don’t need to label everything but I’m one of those label people and I’m very confused.


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From the inbox 569

“Would love to get some advice! I’m not one for labels but I think I would like some identification help. I am a cis girl that is panromantic. This much I know about myself. I also know that I do lie somewhere on the Asexual spectrum. But where?

I am not sex repulsed. I do masterbate occasionally to destress or help my period cramps. Nothing’s a huge turn on or trigger for me. I have never had sex and am perfectly fine with that. Funny enough, I would be more open with having sexual relations with a woman more than a man, but either are pretty non-existent in feelings.

I’m not going to say that I will never have sex, because I am not repulsed by it. I just foresee needing to be with a VERY special person. So because of this, i’m not sure if i’m Demisexual, or maybe Grey Asexual because I have very VERY few instances of any sort of sexual spark. It’s not a lack of labido, it’s a lack of need or want.

Thank you!”

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