From the inbox #1091

“Recently my therapist began delving into my romantic and sexual life. I noticed pretty fast that we had different opinions about what I wanted out of a relationship.
I started feeling bad about going to therapy, at the same time I wanted to be open to the treatment.

The place where I go is LGBT-certified so I always felt safe being Ace. But now I started to wonder if I ought to report my therapist for discrimination.

In the end every session was me defending my asexuality and I had finally had it when he said that “Asexuality sounds impossible. Does it even exist”.

Now I’ve reported him to his boss and I had a good discussion with her. They’re gonna make sure I get a new therapist who respects me.

I’m proud that I was brave enough to put my foot down. No one should feel like they’re at an ace conversion camp.”

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From the inbox #1060

“Hi Asexual ACES, I just needed a space to air my thoughts, and maybe get a second opinion.

I was just at a hangout with my friends, and during a game of Never Have I Ever, I came out to them as asexual. Later in the night, my friends were talking about who was in the queer community amongst our group, and they left me out of it, but I said “Hi, hello, I’m ace.” My bisexual friend said that asexuals being part of the queer community is debatable because you’re still straight if you’re heteroromantic.

I didn’t say anything because I’m a heteroromantic asexual, but I also don’t feel like a straight person either.

Do I count as part of the queer community? Should I count as part of it? What should I say to my friend the next time this comes up? I feel very lost, like I don’t belong anywhere, and I don’t know what to do. It’s like a repeat of the identity struggle I went through when I came to terms with being biracial 😕

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From the inbox #1000

“I’ve been experiencing a lot of hate recently for how I identify. Some people say it’s not ‘hate’, but I feel hated ON. They’re saying demisexuality doesn’t exist. I’ve always mainly identified as ‘queer’ because I tend to fluctuate between asexual, demisexual, and homosexual- always panromantic though. More and more people who I thought were my friends have become outspokenly against the way I identify, saying it’s ‘made up by tumblr’ or ‘how basically everyone is anyway’. These people won’t listen to me try to explain myself; they think they’re always right. What do I do? I’ve never felt more trapped or invalid in my life. Thank you for any help you can give…”

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From the inbox #936

“Seemed to have my first real experience with being invalidated last night, though. It stemmed from a conversation about Australia’s recent SSM poll in a discord server, and then a LGBTQ+ acronym came up and someone started joking about what the ‘A’ stood for… I think I lost count of how many times I actually got called a plant? Anyway, asked them to stop because, y’know, kind of hurt. And then one of the admins felt the need to come in and say “That’s not what asexual means,” when I gave them the standard definition of what it generally is, all because they have a friend who’s also ace.
Anyway, seemed to turn into a joke for the channel then – someone even posted the aromantic definition (yes, aromantic, and I’m not sure why it came up) in the dedicated memes/jokes channel, along with an out of context quote of what I had said.

Worst part is that I was the one getting issues warnings when I had an arrogant teenager blatantly insult me and outright say “okay that doesn’t exist.”

I’d kind of been debating telling a few more people I’m ace, but now I’m definitely not.”

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From the inbox #887

TW: Invalidation

“so i’ve been figuring out my sexuality for quite some time (as most people do) and ive finally accepted that im Gray-Ace/Demisexual. I’ve tried to come out and tell my mother this many times over the last few months but she just will not accept it. Just today as i was getting in the shower, she noticed i had bruises on my chest (i have a boyfriend and we do have sex). she told me to stop trying to label myself something im not. i tried to tell her that Asexuality is on a spectrum, but she wouldn’t hear it. she even tried to explain to me that Asexuality was plainly “You might have romantic attraction but you just dont act upon it”. i’m done with trying to explain to her that i need validation. I need to know if anyone else has this much of a problem with coming out as someone on the Ace spectrum.”

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From the inbox #841

“Hey… you probably get this question all the time but, how do I deal with people not understanding my Asexuality? At the moment I pretend it doesn’t bother me when people say ‘I don’t get you!’ Or ‘just have sex it’s easy!’ Or ‘are you broken?’ I try to get them to understand… but it never works. They just say something rude and then drop it.
How do I deal with that?
Any help would be grateful!”

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From the inbox #825

“I gotta say, following your page has been amazing in coming to terms with my sexuality. I, like a lot of ace’s, realized who I was late, when that magic “spark” of desire never happened. I’ve come to terms with it and my girlfriend and I have worked it out, but it’s trying some days.

A lot of people just don’t GET it. I see well-meaning people lump it in with being aromantic. I’ve debated with my brother, a rather open-minded person, about why and how. I’ve struggled to explain why articles that talk about sexual desire as some universal experience are alienating and downright wrong (to which I get “if you don’t like it, don’t read it”, which is ridiculous when most of the world we live in treats sexual desire the same way, and I can’t just not participate in the world). I’ve debated with people IN the ace community about what it means to be ace.

I don’t know. It’s rough some days. My girlfriend can even say things that are well-intentioned, but are frustratingly ignorant (to be fair, sex isn’t a topic we’ll ever have the same view on, so we’ve both accepted there will be a degree of separation here, and I know I’ve said things that make her upset without meaning to). She’s even been told a few times she should leave me, that she’s brave and has a lot of self-control, that most people “couldn’t do what she’s doing”. I am head over heels for her and intend to spend the rest of my life with her, but it’s like my relationship isn’t valid.

And realizing I’m ace was a great step for me! It was scary, and I worried it’d be limiting, but I feel free! I’ve accepted now that I don’t need to force these feelings everyone else has, that I don’t need to want or even like sex. That I can be happy and have a fulfilled life without those feelings. That my girlfriend loves me even though she knows I don’t feel sexually attracted to her when we’re together.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I guess I’m looking for advice on what to do with those days you just feel alone and invalid, like you’ve repeated the same thing over and over again, but people don’t understand.”

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From the inbox #818

“Does anyone else kind of want to cry or just get upset in general when you see people bashing asexuality or any other sexualities on the ace spectrum? Im demi myself and I saw a post by Konbini about Demisexuality, and the comments kind of upset me. I feel stupid that it did because I know people just don’t understand but it hurts when people say what you feel is not a thing, even if its not directed specifically at you.”

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