From the inbox #780

“I identify as demi panromantic and I have a question. I’ve only had straight relationships and I find it really hard to be attached to people. (Trust issues and BPD kind of do that for you). But I would love to date a girl. I have no idea how to go about this though. Especially being asexual and also kind of realizing neither guys, girls or anything in between finds me interesting or attractive.
I mean, I just left a 5 year relationship and I wasn’t very happy when I fell out of love with him. But now there’s this hole in my life. I ended up meeting a girl that I get along with really well and I love her to pieces. When I met her, we hit it off like that. Wasn’t until the end of the night that I found out she was 14. (I’m 23.) I don’t get along with people my age and even in the groups and fandoms I join feel alien to everyone.
I love this girl and she’s my best friend but I can’t get it out of my mind that my feelings are wrong and sick.
So my question is this. How do I go out and try to make friends if I’m terrified of the world around me? How do I go out into the dating world when I’m scared that my sexuality will cut down my choices. (And the fact that I have never had sex before and most people who have expect it out of the people they date.)
Is it normal the way I feel about this girl? Is there something wrong with me mentally? I’m scared and I really need support and advice.”

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From the inbox #767

“Hey friends! Thought it might be cathartic to get some feedback from the community on a longterm struggle I’ve been dealing with. I’ve known I was ace since I was in middle school. But a few years ago, I fell hard for my best friend and thought that the feeling was mutual. It got to the point with this guy where I felt comfortable even letting sex be on the table as a rare thing. Long story short, he shot me down. It’s been over a year since that and I’m still not fully over it, even after taking a break from the friendship to lick my wounds. We’re back to being best friends now, and I can’t imagine losing that from my life. But it’s terrible when he goes on dates or talks about the women he is interested in. I’ve mentally accepted that we’ll never be together. But it’s so hard to move on from someone when there’s no one else to reach out to.

I’m interested in finding somebody else to wrap my heart around. The only trouble is, I don’t want to get invested in another overtly-sexual person. I don’t want to compromise who I am, unless those feelings occur naturally down the line.

My question to you is this… How can I find other aces? I’ve never met any others in real life. The dating/friend sites online are like ghost towns, and there is no ace representation at the LGBT organizations near me. I think this would be easier to cope with if I didn’t feel like I was so alone. I see you all posting and sharing such kind, uplifting things, and thought that maybe your words might help. Thank you for being here!”

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From the inbox #734

“To the community, I used to identify as a gay man. But never enjoyed sex or really any affection. I just didn’t like girls and thought boys looked nice (although I never felt any really big attraction or “love”), obviously I must be gay. Took me a long time to realize this wasn’t normal and to come to terms with my ace-ness. Now I used to live with a few friends, and I started to feel actual emotions for one of them. He’s straight so I never acted on these feelings because I respected him and valued the friendship, but it kept (is still) getting worse. He’s the only person that I’ve ever felt this way about and I don’t know how to deal with it because since moving out, we barely talk. I need advice and help on how to, I guess, “get over” him. Because I hate feeling this, but I’m also scared I may never get to feel that again, and it makes me feel incredibly broken. I’ve tried bringing it up with another friend, but all I got was an “ew” and I fake laughed it off. So I don’t have anyone to get any kind of advice from. please help.

TL DR: how do I stop feeling so fucked up?”

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From the inbox #524

“Hello, everyone!
I’m pretty conflicted right now and I don’t know who to ask.
I think I have feelings for a friend, but I’m pretty lost because it’s been a long time since I have liked anyone that way.
Part of me being conflicted is due to identifying as aro ace.
I fear that I’m not sure if I’m desiring the relationship aspect and not the person. I think not, but the thought bothers me a lot.
I guess I’ll tell her, I’m expecting nothing anyway.”

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From the inbox #522

“My best friend is on the asexual side. And going through some gender stuff. She has always been very masculine. It is sexy as hell. But I think I like her more than a friend anymore. But how do I do that without being all Omg sex and stuff. Cause I am rather asexual too”

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From the inbox #453

“Okay, so I have a crush on one of my friends, but she has a boyfriend. It also really crushes my spirts because she’s pan, so I might actually have a chance (bigender fam), and her current boyfriend is also ace, so I know that’s not an issue. 😞 What do I do?!”

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From the inbox #401

“I’m an ace at uni, been round the houses a bit with boyfriends not understanding/accepting my sexuality (I perhaps exaggerate; that was the first boyfriend and I’ve only had 2). The last one was lovely and we broke up for geographical reasons more than anything else, so I do know there are good ones out there (for any who occasionally doubts it – they do exist).
However, in my usual glamorous style I have developed a *very* strong squish on a guy I know…..but he’s Hypersexual (genius, right?You have my permission to do a round of applause for that marvellous turn of events).
I love having him as a friend, get very distracted by him, kinda want to know what he feels, but don’t want to ruin the friendship.
Help?! What are the options here? “

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From the inbox #358

“So I have never desired romance before, never dated anyone, and have never had a boyfriend. I actually hate the idea of having a boyfriend, and the idea of romance never made sense to me and it basically annoyed me. I am 20 and found out I was asexual 2 years ago and want to remain a virgin my whole life. A month or so ago I met this guy, we both connected really well and he couldn’t believe I wanted to be friends with him because he said he thinks I’m really cool and he isn’t… but i really liked him, and I felt the “spark” that everyone always talks about– I didn’t even think it existed, let alone that I would ever feel it. But when he found out I was asexual, he didn’t want to pursue the relationship; there was another issue too that made him think we wouldn’t work out and he later said my asexuality was what gave him another reason to know that it wouldn’t work out. He started dating another girl, and yesterday, found out she is asexual, and he isn’t going to break up with her but try and make it work. I feel like that was karma on him, but we’re really close friends and I’m honestly not mad at him at all, I really just want what is best for him. But I also want him, and both of those desires are in conflict with each other because he doesn’t want me in that way, so me and him being together wouldn’t be what is best for him. I just want him to be happy but I want to be with him and I feel selfish for thinking that. It’s just that I’ve never felt romance or even wanted it in the 20 years I’ve been alive, and the one guy I actually want it with, I can’t have. It just feels like it shouldn’t be like that, because I’ve had crushes before, but this is different, and it’s like it doesn’t make sense that when I finally say yes after so many no’s, the answer is no anyways.”

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From the inbox #349

“I need Ace advice!
How you can say to a guy that you can be romantically attracted to someone and tolerate “intimate things” but without saying it because although you have a really big crush with him he things you’re aro ace and also you don’t want to ruin a great friendship?
Thanks, and sorry If it is a very superficial problem n.nU”

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From the inbox #333

“Just the other day, I was hanging out with a guy friend of mine and well we kissed. And I knew I had feelings for him but this is the first time I’ve been with anyone since I’ve come out to myself as being Ace. I’m unsure of how to tell him I guess. Like I don’t want to wait and him think I’m leading him on or something
I dont even know if he wants to date or anything. I still get nervous when I tell people I’m Ace and I dont want to “lose him” I guess (sorry for the slight rambling I’m not great at putting words together, hence why I’m asking for help )

Advice on how to tell someone you like?”

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