From the inbox #824

“I recently have been trying to stick up for myself and defend my asexuality, but my mother just won’t seem to accept it. She always tells me things like “You’ll get over it.” I’ve always been terribly uncomfortable with people touching me physically, and I just don’t think I can handle talking about these kinds of things, especially when she won’t listen. It also doesn’t help my boyfriend’s mother told me that if I’m dating her son I need to give her grandkids. I quite honestly despise children, but both her and my mother are certain I’m going to have them at some point. Is it even possible to get across people like this? -Thanks”

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From the inbox 627

“Really need some Ace advice. I’d noticed a protuberance in the breast that hurts and I’m really afraid of going to the doctor. Now I’m 21 and I’ve never been to the gynecologist and that someone can touch me on private areas scares me out.
A friend advised me to go to the doctor and I started to cry. I’ve been crying for several hours because I’m very scared, I don’t want to be touched. I don’t even like to touch my own breasts. Don’t know what to do.”

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From the inbox #514

“Hey, I had a question. My boyfriend is great and is understanding of my asexuality but still likes to cuddle. That’s fine with me but there are done days I don’t want to be touched at all or I get crabby. How do i explain this without him thinking I’m pushing him away?? I fear he’s fearing he’s pushing me away doing something wrong but I’m just wired. I like cute cuddles one day, the next I don’t want to be touched. Have you guys felt this?if so what did you do?”

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From the inbox #486

TW: Abuse

“Soo, maybe someone on this page might help me with my confusion. I’m 21, panromantic and whatever-sexual. After an abusive relationship I rearranged myself and I don’t know if I just discovered that I’m actually ace or if it had to do with this relationship. This was nearly two years ago and I couldn’t even stand the thought of someone touching me and I hadn’t had the desire to have sex with someone and felt no sexual attraction. Some months ago I had a girlfriend and I had sex with her (but I didn’t want her to touch me) and I also wanted it, I was really in love with her so I guessed I might be demi-sexual. And now I had sex with a guy I really like and I craved him, suddenly it was just okay for me that someone touches me without thinking about it, I loved making out with him, touching him, the sexual atmosphere – but not the sex. It hasn’t something to do with him, it was just the sex itself. It was okay and I even would have it again but just for this feeling and not for the sex itself. I also love to tease, to know that someone I like craves me and all this sexual stuff but I’m just not into sex. I’m so confused and I don’t understand myself. Do I belong to the ace-community and if so, where? (Unfortunately I have the urge to label myself to feel kinda safe.)”

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From the inbox #369

“Hey everyone, I’m asexual but I’m really confused about myself romantically. I thought I was frayromantic, which really made since because I have romantic attraction until I get to know that person. But when this guy I like is romantic or flirty and stuff or even talks about LIKE stuff like cuddling or kissing, I’m weirded out by it. I mean I REALLY like him, like he’s just so sweet and kind, but I’m not comfortable with those things after my attraction is gone. It’s really confusing me and recently I decided to tell him to give me some space till I figure things out so that I can be my best for him.

But I don’t know why this happens and he’s really romantic and likes being close and he knows I’m asexual, but I don’t know what to do about how I feel or what to tell him. Can someone help me?”

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From the inbox #334

“I’ve been dating this guy for a couple months and in the beginning it was solid. I considered myself Asexual and Aromantic and I still do. There’s no sexual attraction and there’s no romantic attraction. I have a habit of dating sometimes solely to pass time or fill a void in my heart cause I’m in a different state from my best friend. I moved recently in February from CT to MI and it’s been pretty gruesome. Doesn’t help that I’m also trans FTM but I’ve found solace and im living happily aside from my current relationship. He’s clingy and I hate clingy but I also hate the fact that I can’t voice up my words half the time on how I feel. I’m a terrible person that ghosts out of relationships no matter how close our places may be solely because I can’t do close to someone sexually or romantically. We kissed and had sex the first couple of weeks and then after the first month I noticed I was getting bored and more repulsed by his touches. I can’t handle it but I also can’t handle him being unhappy. He’s a sensitive guy who’s oddly invested in me despite the little time. I’m not sure on what to do aside from talking it out but it’s hard to do for me.

Maybe people within the community would be able to give out their own opinions? The more the better I guess.”

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From the inbox #227

“Hey, so… here’s my deal… I’ve been on the fence about identifying as ace for a long time because I kind of feel like a fraud. (I know labels aren’t for everyone but personally I would like to have one.) I feel like I am not quite asexual because, even though I’m a 22 year old virgin (female), I sometimes want to try sex but I honestly feel like that’s only because I need to know if I’m missing out. To elaborate, the concept of sex seems great and desirable but I am fairly certain I wouldn’t enjoy myself because I don’t like being touched and I highly doubt my anxiety would allow anything of the sort. Sooooo I don’t know where that leaves me. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt real sexual attraction because I have a hard time differentiating between that and aesthetic attraction. It is so rare for me to be interested in someone, and when I find out that the person reciprocates my feelings, I immediately lose mine and am kind of repulsed. It is a MADDENING feeling because I feel really lonely and I want to be happy with someone but I feel like no one is ever the right person. I feel like such a black sheep because I never have relationships to report. Can anyone shed any light on this?”

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From the inbox #191

“Ive posted on this page before asking for some advice and i am in need of some again. Im in high school and im bi but my friend has brought to my attention that she thinks i may be ace because of my attitude to sex and relationships in general. Basically when i date someone i despise kissing regardless of gender and the only thing im OK with is hand holding and occasionally hugging. When someone puts their hand on my leg or gets sexual with me i feel really uncomfortable and i react with being angry. Ive tried asking my mum for advice but she says she thinks im a lesbian but i tried to explain to her that this happens REGARDLESS OF GENDER. People in my school wont date me as they are all losing their virginity and theres me over here who only likes hand holding whilst everyone talks about their kinks and such. I have ruined the majority of my relatuonships because of this besides my last relationship which was with someone who was asexual but that ended because i was unhappy. I tried asking him for advice but he wasnt really that good at it. So im asking you guys for help im sorry if i seem like a stupid kid for asking all of this but its making me unhappy and i just want to be like everyone else but i cant. Do you guys know if theres anything to stop me from being so disgusted by affection any advice would be helpful please.”

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From the inbox #170

“Advice or something. Idk:

So recently I started hanging out with this girl I used to know in high school (7yrs ago). We knew each other but not well. When rumors started flying about her, I was too exhausted and overstimulated from school so I decided not to get involved. 7 yrs later, we started noticing each other’s progressive Facebook posts and decided to hang out. I was warned by a few people not to get involved with her (bc of the rumors from hs) But I wanted to decide what she was like for myself. Shes experienced a lot of trauma and loss of friends due to being trans and autistic, as well as having a history of drug addiction. So we’ve been hanging out for about a month and a half. I got snowed in at her place once and we’ve spent long ours together. So now she’s developing all these feelings for me. feelings I can’t reciprocate. Not just because I’m ace, but also bc I’m just not interested in more than a friendship with her. Part of why she likes me is because of the way my sexuality manifests (I guess she finds it intriguing). So she knows very well that I’m ace. She says she understands that but she keeps complimenting me and talking about how much she loves me and wants to hold me. I find this very uncomfortable (it’s even uncomfortable to write). I do extended touching with only a handful of people in my life. I dont like cuddling. I like hugs… But not cuddling /extended touching. Sometimes I feel like she’s trying to guilt me into being affectionate… But also that’s probably me just jumping to conclusions (I’ve dealt with a lot of manipulative people in my life). I’m not sure how to ask her to lay off a bit without hurting her feelings. Any ideas?

Somewhat related question: I can’t tell if I’m more asexual or more aromantic. Anyone got any hunches or advice on how to figure it out?”

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From the inbox #164

“So I’m a teenager in high school and at my age everyone is holding hands hugging and kissing and I’m also currently in a relationship with my boyfriend who is asexual but the problem isn’t with him it’s me I don’t like affection like the other people my age I don’t like hugging kissing or holding hands or if I do I get incredibly awkward and I don’t know what to do so I was hoping you guys the ace community could maybe give me some advice as to whether I may lie on the spectrum or not? Thanks again”

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