Tag: funny

“Just something I’d like to share.(vulgar language warning for anyone that is uncomfortable by it, but it’s just in the paragraph underneath this one) I’m from a small town, and I’m the only ace I know of in my area. (There used to be a panromantic ace that I was good friends with, but she moved to California.) And since asexuals are virtually unknown around here, I get some interesting experiences. I’m a greyromantic Asexual, and I’m only completely out to one person. For everyone else, I just drop subtle hints like the ace flag in the corner of my picture or the symbols in my insta bio.

So first, my favorite which actually happened today. We were talking about the word adulterate since it was on our vocab list, and friend 1 chimes in. “If you guys could f*ck anyone in this school, who would it be?” Friend 1 and friend 2 start listing off names while I sit quietly and awkwardly. Then, they turn to me. I get nervous since I don’t have any names to list off, but I don’t want to come out yet. So, trying to think of something quickly, I just say, “does yourself count?” Friend 1 says “ewwww” and starts laughing, friend 2 is dying laughing.

Then, another time I was talking with everyone at the table for why I didn’t want to move to Florida. My brother’s friend decides to comment. “Yeah, but imagine all the babes you’ll meet on the beach.” My response was, “maybe I don’t want babes.” (I was kicking myself later because I thought of something funny to say. Earlier I had complained about the heat, and I realised I could have said “didn’t I say I don’t like it hot?”) I’ve never seen a more confused look on someone’s face in my life, and it was absolutely glorious.

A little bit later on, I’m talking to my brother’s friend again. He brought up how I did my face paint for the football game, (which was honestly badass) and he said something along the lines of “what was that about?” I explained that our mascot was the devil, and I like to go all out for the football games. (Even though I don’t really watch the football games, I just wonder around and socialize.) I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it had something to do with there being no point to it since it won’t attract anyone. I then brought up how he brought an inflatable alien to the bar with him. He got kind of jokingly defensive. “Hey, mine was at least successful. Fred [the alien] got me a picture with two hot blondes.” “Mine was a success.” I say. “No it’s not, did it get you a boyfriend?” He says. “No bu-” I get cut off by him chiming in “then it wasn’t a success!” “Maybe the goal wasn’t to get a boyfriend.” I reply mockingly. “That’s always the goal.” He says.

Then this other time, I was talking to a different friend of my brother’s. We’ll call him brf #2. So BRF #2 teases me a lot. I was cooking myself some food, and he said that it smelled gross. Then, he said “I feel bad for your future husband.” There was a pause, and I was smirking. “Or girlfriend. I won’t judge your life choices.” He adds. At this point, it is killing me inside because I want to tell him so bad. There’s no worse feeling than holding in a laugh over a secret inside joke with yourself.

Lastly, a lady friend of my brother’s and I were talking. (Seems like I interact with my brother’s friends a lot, doesn’t it?) She asked me, “what would you even do if you had a boyfriend?” I already had the perfect response in the back of my head. “I don’t know, put a newspaper in the corner of the room. Leave him some Cheerios; that’s what boyfriends eat, right? Then, I’ll pet his hair once in awhile, and when I get annoyed, shoo him away.” My grandma’s in the background laughing. “It sounds like you want a pet, not a boyfriend.” She remarks. Bingo, grandma.

I know some of the responses by the people here may seem degrading, but I promise you, they are awesome otherwise. Not one of them even knows what ace is, so this is a fairly new concept which is why I’m not ready to come out yet. This was meant to be a fun post, but I’d like to ask for advice from you guys. I do feel like it’s time to come out, but I don’t know how to go about it or how anyone will respond. My brother just got done watching the new season of Bojack Horseman, and he knows I watch the show. I’m afraid if I come out to him, he’ll think I saw it on Bojack Horseman and just wanted to be like that. Besides the two friends in my first example, most of my friends are lgbt+ and I don’t want them to think that I’m just doing it to fit in. Also, for the people who have never even heard of ace, I don’t want them to think I just made it up. I want life to go on as normal, but this is an important part of myself that should just be a, “by the way… This is a thing.”

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