From the inbox #829

“any advice on being a sex repulsed teenager in high school?
as anyone who has suffered through high school knows, it’s full of sex. all the rumors are about sex, and who fucked who, and it makes me want to vomit. even people in my friend group are frick fracking and pipping the diddly do and i find it extremely gross to the point where i don’t really want to be friends with them anymore. i know that’s probably messed up but they don’t understand that i don’t want to hear about it or even know it happened at all. i don’t want to make the feel bad for doing what they enjoy but this is really tough on me.”

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From the inbox #810

“Does youre friend have trouble to accept asexuality

I was hinting my friends, i din t was interest in sex
They wanted to take me to the hore house

And now…..
I go to my best (female) friend every zaterday
And make fake sexy pictures with itother

And put it on my friends whatsapp group
She thinks it funny

But it kinda sad
That my friends only accept me ,if i have sex
(I am male virgin)”

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From the inbox #796

“Just something I’d like to share.(vulgar language warning for anyone that is uncomfortable by it, but it’s just in the paragraph underneath this one) I’m from a small town, and I’m the only ace I know of in my area. (There used to be a panromantic ace that I was good friends with, but she moved to California.) And since asexuals are virtually unknown around here, I get some interesting experiences. I’m a greyromantic Asexual, and I’m only completely out to one person. For everyone else, I just drop subtle hints like the ace flag in the corner of my picture or the symbols in my insta bio.

So first, my favorite which actually happened today. We were talking about the word adulterate since it was on our vocab list, and friend 1 chimes in. “If you guys could f*ck anyone in this school, who would it be?” Friend 1 and friend 2 start listing off names while I sit quietly and awkwardly. Then, they turn to me. I get nervous since I don’t have any names to list off, but I don’t want to come out yet. So, trying to think of something quickly, I just say, “does yourself count?” Friend 1 says “ewwww” and starts laughing, friend 2 is dying laughing.

Then, another time I was talking with everyone at the table for why I didn’t want to move to Florida. My brother’s friend decides to comment. “Yeah, but imagine all the babes you’ll meet on the beach.” My response was, “maybe I don’t want babes.” (I was kicking myself later because I thought of something funny to say. Earlier I had complained about the heat, and I realised I could have said “didn’t I say I don’t like it hot?”) I’ve never seen a more confused look on someone’s face in my life, and it was absolutely glorious.

A little bit later on, I’m talking to my brother’s friend again. He brought up how I did my face paint for the football game, (which was honestly badass) and he said something along the lines of “what was that about?” I explained that our mascot was the devil, and I like to go all out for the football games. (Even though I don’t really watch the football games, I just wonder around and socialize.) I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it had something to do with there being no point to it since it won’t attract anyone. I then brought up how he brought an inflatable alien to the bar with him. He got kind of jokingly defensive. “Hey, mine was at least successful. Fred [the alien] got me a picture with two hot blondes.” “Mine was a success.” I say. “No it’s not, did it get you a boyfriend?” He says. “No bu-” I get cut off by him chiming in “then it wasn’t a success!” “Maybe the goal wasn’t to get a boyfriend.” I reply mockingly. “That’s always the goal.” He says.

Then this other time, I was talking to a different friend of my brother’s. We’ll call him brf #2. So BRF #2 teases me a lot. I was cooking myself some food, and he said that it smelled gross. Then, he said “I feel bad for your future husband.” There was a pause, and I was smirking. “Or girlfriend. I won’t judge your life choices.” He adds. At this point, it is killing me inside because I want to tell him so bad. There’s no worse feeling than holding in a laugh over a secret inside joke with yourself.

Lastly, a lady friend of my brother’s and I were talking. (Seems like I interact with my brother’s friends a lot, doesn’t it?) She asked me, “what would you even do if you had a boyfriend?” I already had the perfect response in the back of my head. “I don’t know, put a newspaper in the corner of the room. Leave him some Cheerios; that’s what boyfriends eat, right? Then, I’ll pet his hair once in awhile, and when I get annoyed, shoo him away.” My grandma’s in the background laughing. “It sounds like you want a pet, not a boyfriend.” She remarks. Bingo, grandma.

I know some of the responses by the people here may seem degrading, but I promise you, they are awesome otherwise. Not one of them even knows what ace is, so this is a fairly new concept which is why I’m not ready to come out yet. This was meant to be a fun post, but I’d like to ask for advice from you guys. I do feel like it’s time to come out, but I don’t know how to go about it or how anyone will respond. My brother just got done watching the new season of Bojack Horseman, and he knows I watch the show. I’m afraid if I come out to him, he’ll think I saw it on Bojack Horseman and just wanted to be like that. Besides the two friends in my first example, most of my friends are lgbt+ and I don’t want them to think that I’m just doing it to fit in. Also, for the people who have never even heard of ace, I don’t want them to think I just made it up. I want life to go on as normal, but this is an important part of myself that should just be a, “by the way… This is a thing.”

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From the inbox #784

“Is it common for aces to feel left out in their friends lives because they’re asexual, or their friends invalidate a crush or relationship? I always feel like my friends have conversations I’m not allowed in (their relationships, crushes etc) because some of them tell me they don’t want to offend me, my “little ace brain” can’t handle it, or they don’t wanna make me uncomfortable. One of my friends often calls my exes friends, or the people I’m talking to (whom I have a crush on) as a friend and nothing more; even the people I chat with on ACEapp (which they refuse to believe is anything except a dating app so it’s really confusing)”

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From the inbox #454

“So I’m a very romantic Ace. Through explainating what Ace is I’ve helped a few people discover that they are Ace. Typically most non-ace/Aro people understand the concept pretty quickly, or atleast don’t care enough to question further. However, one of my friends is trying to wrap her head around still being interested in relationships without the sexual attraction. She accepts it and is being very polite about it, so I’d like to help her understand it. Do you have any suggestions as to what I could say to help explain it to her?”

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From the inbox #449

“My mom and my dad have been more accepting of me coming out as ace and I swear, I couldn’t be any more happier than to have parents who still see me as their little girl who grew up into a woman who’s asexual. Sad thing is, I’ve had certain friends of mine who I shan’t name who told me I “had bad experiences”/”am still young at 21″/”God hasn’t have me the right man”/etc. Fact of the matter is, I may be a Christian, but who are they to judge? I’ve never had any real life crushes, no dates irl, seven long distance relationships that failed badly. FFS I even had one ex try to – I shit you not – become asexual just to get back with me when he failed to realize you cannot just suddenly become asexual. It doesn’t work that way. Only two of my exes I have contact with have accepted me for being ace. As for the others? No contact with them, thank goodness. After how they backstabbed me, good riddance to such trash.

Ironic this comes from someone who writes/makes erotica of legal aged characters herself. I realized I was asexual all along, and I’ve been the happiest I’ve been. Ironic my parents are more accepting of me than my so-called friends. As I have been typing all of this, I have been crying. Thank you all for making this amazing page!

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From the inbox #385

“Hey there! Since its Asexual Awareness Week, I thought I’d share my story and how this page helped me. I’m 16, but I discovered the term “Asexual” when I was 15. For a long time I was so determined to find a label for myself, but nothing ever fit or felt right and I never understood why I was having such a difficult time whereas all my friends had their sexualities solved and were so incredibly sure of themselves. When I found asexuality and the ace community I thought “Holy cow, this is it, I found it! Maybe I’m not so abnormal after all” and I was so very happy, and wanted to come out to a close friend of mine, a male, but when I did I was met with “I can’t believe that, you’ve never had sex or anything, you haven’t even had more than one relationship” and when other people asked me what my sexuality was they’d say “You know asexuality doesn’t exist right? It’s humanly impossible, sex is hardwired into all people” which I tried to ignore, but then when I tried to tell my mom she also said “Hahahaha sure, just wait, when you’re older you’ll find the right person and it’ll change your mind about this”. So I abandoned the idea of asexuality, I convinced myself that I was lying to myself, that I wasn’t /really/ asexual. But then as time went on, I saw all the posts from this page about asexuality, that there’s a spectrum to it and you don’t have to be any one way to be asexual and a light bulb went off, and I thought “Bro, you’re asexual. Stop trying to deny yourself”. So that’s where I am now, and I wouldn’t have ever gotten here without this page and pages like it, and the people who are a part of them. Thank you 😊

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From the inbox #377

“Hello! First of all, I love this page. There is so much love and support here. Thanks a lot!

So, I have this question of justification really. I recently came out as a heteroromantic grey sexual. I’m a cis woman and have never been in a relationship or even gotten close to one. I am also, and this is significant, not conventionally good-looking and am quite overweight. I know that I’ve never felt sexual feelings towards anyone although I’ve had concrete romantic feelings for around 2-4 people in my life (I’m 26). But when I tell people I am grey sexual they keep telling me “It will happen for you some day.” or “some people blossom” late in life. And maybe they simply mean it to say that I’ll feel sexual some day (which is bad enough) but I think there is an element of condescension there. maybe it is just my insecurities about my appearance but I do sometimes wonder if people think I am using asexuality as a shield to avoid rejection. does anyone else feel this? am I actually doing that, I wonder because my insecurities about my appearance are quite real. Sorry about the self indulgent question. I just feel this need to justify it. Thanks!!”

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From the inbox #295

“I always thought I was a little different, when everyone was getting boy friends or girlfriends and I’d rather be by myself and I just wasn’t interested. I spent a lot years wondering if I was broken or if I just had to force myself to feel a desire that apparently everyone had naturally. And then I learned that I wasn’t alone, that being asexual doesn’t mean that you’re broken. So of course I was sooooo excited that I figured out what I was and I told my parents and my friends and that’s when I realized that to “normal” people, asexuals don’t exist, i “just haven’t found that person yet” or maybe “you just don’t like guys” or maybe “you just don’t like girls”. I know what I am, so why is it so hard for other people to just accept other people. Or is it easier to deny something if you just keep them quiet.”

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