From the inbox #1338

“I identify as asexual or demi and have tried to talk to my friends about this but they laugh in my face and tell me im not. I cant blame them really, they have seen me kiss a person on a night out and associate this with being horny. Its sad because it took a lot for me to try and open up to them. They still tease me about that night and have called me a whore and slutty and it hurts every time they do because im already beating myself up about it enough. In my drunk logic, I kissed the person because i wanted to understand myself more and see if I felt any kind of sexual attraction (I still don’t think I do). I guess I wanted to share this because its not a stereotypical asexual thing to do and thought it may give people an opportunity to talk about similar scenarios or opinions on this”

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From the inbox #1320

TW: Rape, homophobia, transphobia
“I have a problem I want to get off my chest.
I’m an atheist, but I recently made a religiously devout friend around 2 months ago through a friend (who is a recent convert) of mine that I made in another ace group around 6 years ago. Neither of them are in here, and to protect their privacy, let’s call them “Betty” and “Susan”.
“Betty” posted a description of that Dutch airlines pride thing, jokingly saying that “only one seatbelt will save your life”. In the comments (where people were spouting both pro and anti LBGT material), someone posted something and then I replied that “homosexuality can be not only found in humans, but in many different species of animals from penguins to lions as well”. Another person responded to me that “we are not animals”, while Susan stated that “there is a species of monkey that rape other monkeys. Should we follow them by example too?”, obviously meant as sarcasm and most likely posted in anger since the whole status turned into a shitstorm. I know that she considers pretty much anything non-hetereosexual, or transsexual ‘a sin’ due to her strict conservative religious upbringing (no idea of her views on asexuality though, oddly enough). I don’t agree with her opinion, but I don’t know if I should let it end a friendship. (I also have friends who support Trump, etc).
What REALLY pissed me off is when people put words in my mouth. I’m trying not to get overworked about it, but I am visibly upset. I also don’t like to argue with people.
The question is: what do I do now?”

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From the inbox #1207

“I honestly dont know what to do anymore, so I have group of friends and I like one of them I never told anyone because I dont want to get my hope up but I did told one and she kept telling me I should try to keep them feelings. And me and Him we were somewhat close, we werent personal but we made each laugh and joke a lot. And group of friends they were talking about him liking me and I didnt know and he got really upset and just started acting weird. And he got mad at me randomly saying things wouldnt work out between us because I’m Asexual and hes super sexual and he stayed away for day and half from me. Then was close to me then wasnt. And I usually keep the “gossip” about boys to myself but i started to talk about it because I don’t see the point trying anymore. But now I’m just hurt because there this girl hes really close to and its bummer because I gotten my hopes up for something I knew he didn’t want me because I’m Asexual. And I honestly hate that girl. And I’m so hurt I cant even try to move on and forget but how??? I dont wanna get to the point not being into the group because of him and that girl. I get bummed out seeing them have something I dont have, my hopes I wanted. I been single for 3 years because “you’re Asexual” and I’m honestly done but keep wanting a relationship.”

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From the inbox #1038

“I am demisexual and started dating someone who is Grey-asexual. We have a great relationship and a great understanding of each other. No worries there.

After we had been dating awhile and started to develop a deep emotional connection we found we are both sexually attracted to each other. He says I’m the only person he’s ever been sexually attracted to, and it’s new and exciting. Again, no issues there.

The issue is with my friends. I tried explaining to them how our relationship and how sexual attraction works. They are claiming he is being “manipulative”. “Come on, do you REALLY believe he’s the only person he’s been sexually attracted to?” stuff like that.

What do I say to them and how can I educate them?”

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From the inbox #837

“I had two ladies come up to me today and ask me out. I told them I was really flattered but I’m asexual and looking for that kind of relationship . I expected a bit of back lash like I get with men. But both women lit up and say that’s great! Asked if they could give me their numbers and maybe we could all be friends. I couldn’t believe how easily they excepted my sexuality and didn’t give me back lash or try to convince me that I just haven’t met the right person. Must be the most positive experience I’ve ever had and gives me hope that one day I can be open without ridicule.”

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From the inbox #780

“I identify as demi panromantic and I have a question. I’ve only had straight relationships and I find it really hard to be attached to people. (Trust issues and BPD kind of do that for you). But I would love to date a girl. I have no idea how to go about this though. Especially being asexual and also kind of realizing neither guys, girls or anything in between finds me interesting or attractive.
I mean, I just left a 5 year relationship and I wasn’t very happy when I fell out of love with him. But now there’s this hole in my life. I ended up meeting a girl that I get along with really well and I love her to pieces. When I met her, we hit it off like that. Wasn’t until the end of the night that I found out she was 14. (I’m 23.) I don’t get along with people my age and even in the groups and fandoms I join feel alien to everyone.
I love this girl and she’s my best friend but I can’t get it out of my mind that my feelings are wrong and sick.
So my question is this. How do I go out and try to make friends if I’m terrified of the world around me? How do I go out into the dating world when I’m scared that my sexuality will cut down my choices. (And the fact that I have never had sex before and most people who have expect it out of the people they date.)
Is it normal the way I feel about this girl? Is there something wrong with me mentally? I’m scared and I really need support and advice.”

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From the inbox #743

“I’m not asexual but I am on the spectrum and looking for advice.

So I’m going through a dilemma in my current relationship. I’m very much a demisexual while my boyfriend is aromantic heterosexual. We’ve been best friends for three years, dating for two. He’s very sexual but I need a very strong bond with a person before I can even consider it. Even then I don’t always desire it or really enjoy it all that much.

We’ve always had constant struggles but right now I’m having a hard time keeping an emotional connection with him due to the lack of “romance” if you will. Resulting in me losing my attraction to him. This isn’t the first time either. I should add we are now long distance and he works nights so we don’t get to communicate much.

I’ve tried to explain to him how I feel but he still believes everything is fine. That I’m just over thinking it. I don’t really know what to do. I don’t know if we can rekindle our relationship or if we should just be friends.”

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From the inbox #742

I saw your post about what a squish is. I’m still fairly new to the ace world. Going on two years being openly asexual. And I wanted opinions on how to approach someone about being your squish?

As the definition stated it’s an intense feeling of attraction, liking appreciation, and/or admiration for person you usually want to get to know better and become close with. It’s different from just wanting to be friends and that there is an intensity about it and it is proportion sense of elation when they like and appreciate you back.

There have been many times in my life where I met a person or made a friend that I liked so much that I just wanted to be around them, hang out with them, and talk with them all the time. In a way that goes beyond just saying you seem cool let’s be friends. But most the time I’ve had these encounters we never even become close friends because of conflicting schedules or distance. The one time in my life this wasn’t the case was with a friend of many years and when our schedules finally matched up we quickly went from close friends, to best friends, to now being a hetero romantic asexual couple for the past year and a half.

But I digress.
In recent years I’ve made a few ace friends and there’s one in particular that I have found a kindred spirit with. They’re pretty introverted and spend most their time with family instead of friends so it’s difficult and sometimes I feel bad even attempting to ask them to do stuff and half the time I don’t even know how to ask. I just want to get to know them more but I don’t want to force them to go out, or spend money, or interact with people they don’t know either.
I also don’t want them to think it’s weird that a hetero romantic ace in a relationship has an interest in becoming squishes with an Aero ace.

Is that weird?
What should I do?”

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From the inbox #736

“In terms of relationships, how much do community/friends/family play a part in helping shape your identity? Have you found significant solace and understanding from being a part of an asexual community, or (depending on the support given) can friends or family still significantly help nurture your wellbeing and sense of self?”

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From the inbox #733

“Where do you draw the line between someone who is just a friend and someone who is your “zucchini (someone you’re in an ace aro queer platonic relationship QPR with)”? And if you’re Demi how do those QPRs fit in with your romantic relationships? Do you feel that by having a QPR in addition to a spouse makes you non-monogamous?”

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