From the inbox #1344

“So I’m hanging out alone with this girl who I’ve hung out with a few times before and here’s the actual conversation that happened (a little bit before this, she was telling me about how many gay friends and said she had two asexual friends so I said “ayyy my people”:
Her- my uncles aren’t together anymore but they live together. I think they’re fucking secretly. No ones that happy without sex. They must be getting it somewhere.
Me- well I mean people can be happy without sex. It’s not even that spectacular.
Her- well of course you’d say that
Me- what do you mean?
Her- while still being a virgin I mean you’re asexual so you feel it not as well as other people
Me- asexuals still feel the same things,most just don’t have sexual attraction.
Her- no it’s not as good for asexual people because they don’t even really want it in the first place
Me- asexual can be in the mood. Like I’ve had sex before and I 100% wanted it because I was in the mood. It’s just not what society worships it as. Yeah it’s nice, but I can live without it.
Her- that’s not how asexuality works. Asexuals can’t want sex
Me- it’s a huge spectrum, some asexuals want to have sex, and some asexuals even feel sexual attraction at some times.
Her- wanting sex is called being a normal human being do you even know what asexuality means? Obviously not. I have to listen to asexual lectures from my two asexual friends all the time. You’re not asexual. You’re normal.
And I didn’t know what to say so I just got really quiet, and my sister couldn’t come get me for another hour, so I just died a bit on the inside”

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From the inbox #1268

“Hello there.
I had a breakup with my boyfriend of seven months a week ago and I’m starting to realize I can’t feel romantic feelings for people. Thing of it is, he was my friend for two years, we got together in January and broke up this month.
I’ve realized I can’t feel romantic feelings for people because I get hurt. And it didn’t help matters he lied to me about someone he claimed was a troll that was sending me a threatening text the whole time and it turned out to be his mom, and he lied because he was scared. Then he claims his mom made him lie about it. And this happened when we were arguing over him blowing up my messages constantly and asking me the same questions I answered in the past. I was close to breaking up with him on Thursday and I finally broke up with him last week when I saw enough red flags to make my head spin.
I’ve started to also come to terms that, while I am 23, I don’t need romantic love in my life if I can’t feel it. I thought I would’ve been healed after having stopped long distance relationships since 2015, but I guess not. I’m too old for them and I won’t do them again.
It doesn’t help matters he wouldn’t understand I was aroace. I’ve realized if people can’t love me for being who I am, why should I love them? They’ll hurt me and expect me to be okay with it. I’m crying as I type this. He hurt me so badly and then his apologizes were so half assed…”

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From the inbox #1132

“So my best friend identifies as demi romantic, he also still has his “V card” at age 23 (I see nothing wrong with this, I love him to death, he’s amazing). But his other friends and his family (he’s very close to them, they’re important to him, and in most cases very supportive and encouraging) they’re all about pressuring him with the usual… “When are you getting a girlfriend?” “Bro, you need to get laid LOL” and since everyone else identifies me as female, and we’re so close, we get shipped HARD. We’re perfect for each other (yeah, duh, that’s why we’re best friends), so that’s awkward enough. But he actually WANTS a girlfriend. He’s a very romantic guy, he loves romance… But he’s a cute little geek, he’s not all muscles, he’s tall and lanky and “invisible to women”. Plus, he’s demi romantic so he’s not willing to just jump in bed with someone just for fun (you’d be surprised how fast of a turn off that weirdly is).
He’s tried dating sites but I guess he’s bad at them, and he’s an old soul anyway, he’s better with in person interacting.
I wish I could console him that he’s awesome as he is and that waiting it out is fine, but I’m worried he might become bitter over time.
So how else can I help him? I’m still his best friend, I got his back, I love him you death but I can’t find a girlfriend for him, all the women I know are taken or are attracted to aesthetics he doesn’t meet.”

(He’s demiromantic, heterosexual)

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From the inbox #1076

“I am so sick and tired of people always assuming my friend/brother is my friend. And I am even more sick when people respond to my “no, we are just friends” by “oh, you just wait and see!”.
Not every hug is romantic! Not every shared laugh is romantic! Not every prolonged stare is sexual, maybe we are just appreciating the person as a human being!
I am not labeling myself as an ace/demi/grey just yet, I am a nineteen year old girl and feel utterly lost and confused. What I do know is that every time my mom tells me that I need a man, and every time some family member tells me I am old enough to marry and that I should start thinking about establishing a family, and every time my best friend tells me I should just give it a try and let someone fuck me, I feel as if they punched me in my face.
And I know I am wrong for getting mad at them for it, and that the things they tell me are considered normal for my age. But there is so much pressure, and sometimes I feel like crying.
I don’t know what romantic love feels like, I don’t know how sex can feel good and even natural, but most of all, I don’t know how to be normal, how to not have to be thinking about it all, considering my every move I do next in my life. I want to be like everyone else, I want to love somebody, to have the one person that I can share my life with.
But how can I, if I am constantly doubting whether I am capable of those kind of feelings and desires?
I hope I am just a late bloomer, because this doesn’t let me sleep at night.”

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From the inbox #1026

“Beautiful, fragile, shadowy and faceless (the last one so that everyone can relate) This was my friend’s last piece of art to support the Ace community and asking me to participate as the model (although a pan but also a huge supporter) – hope you find these interesting and as always best of wishes to all of the ace community 😊

Link

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From the inbox #995

“I’m a quoiromantic ace who tends to get jealous when my bff starts dating someone but doesn’t really want to date him myself. It feels a little silly, and I certainly haven’t told him about it, I just wanted anyone else who feels the same way to know you’re not alone and it’s not something wrong with you.”

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From the inbox #993

“I have this really good friend. We’ve basically met online, but she’s the best friend I hve and I care deeply for her. I found out I was ace a few months ago (I’m a genderfluid afab teen) and up until now I had the belief that I was panromantic (I thought for a while I was bisexual). After getting into the ace community, I consequently found out a lot more about the aro community, and this brought me many questions. I always thought I was romantic, I dreamed my whole life about it, and I was so convicted that I felt something romantic to people. The problem is that I realised now that what I feel for this friend is everything a romantic situation should be, except I have no romantic feelings involved – or do I? I had thought about this before, but then I always felt weird with the idea of kissing her and all the touchy stuff datefriends do. I saw a lot about squishes and aros and aces, but everything just makes me more confused. I don’t know now how romantic feelings are supposed to feel, if me feeling weird about kisses and stuff is just my aceness talking, or if I’m just misunderstanding everything. I kept thinking of past relationships and I realised I always felt like this, I would like the person but always feel weird about touchy things.
I like labels a lot; I always felt out of place, and when I found out the term ‘genderfluid’ I felt like I finally could fit somewhere, and I felt like that about being ace too, so right now I’m really freaking out about not knowing if I’m romantic or not. This friend of mine knows all my labels and she’s very supportive, but I’m scared of talking to her about this – even just considering her a squish – and scaring her, or losing her because of this. She’s straight and romantic, so it makes me even more apprehensive.
I’m really confused so I was wondering if anyone could help me with this. Thank you!”

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From the inbox #978

“Ok I was hoping maybe you guys could help me out. I really hit it off with this guy and we are just friends but it’s started to become obvious we like each other so I told him I’m ace and he seemed to take it really well. Its been a week or so and now I can just tell he doesn’t like me as much and it really sucks because I thought he might be okay with it and I think I started to really really like him which doesn’t happen a lot with me. My friend asked him about it where he said hed already be dating me if I wasn’t ace because “i don’t want to have to break up with her later on because of it.” So I’m a little sad about it even though I expected it and id feel too bad to keep leading him on if I know he’s not gonna even try and I feel like it would be awkward to still be friends now that we surpassed that and I just don’t know what to do anymore. He knows I’m sad and wants to help but I can’t just tell him he’s the reason I am…”

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