From the inbox #745

“I came out asexual to my pansexual friend a few months ago. She’s a huge supporter of the LGBT+ community. I want to tell her that not only am I Ace, but I’m also a closeted Biromantic that’s been in there for 2 years, but I’m too afraid of what she’ll say. I know people normally say don’t come out until you think you’re ready, but I kinda think I am. If anyone can give me some advice on what to do that’ll be very kind to do so.

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From the inbox #733

“Where do you draw the line between someone who is just a friend and someone who is your “zucchini (someone you’re in an ace aro queer platonic relationship QPR with)”? And if you’re Demi how do those QPRs fit in with your romantic relationships? Do you feel that by having a QPR in addition to a spouse makes you non-monogamous?”

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From the inbox #717

“Good Morning all. I am hoping to find an old fashion penpal to exchange letters with. I am big into history and would love a sort of Victorian style courtly love style romantic letter exchange. Being asexual makes that hard to find so I was hoping to find someone here. I am panromantic so don’t worry about that bit. I am open to anyone who is interested. My interests include history, fantasy, Tolkien, art, and crafting. If you would like please contact the inbox and let the admin know and they will get us in touch. Thank you all for listening.”

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From the inbox #710

TW: Rape

“I’m having a lot of issues coping right now and going through waves of emotion. Sometimes I’m numb and other times I’m having a breakdown. This has sexual assault involved so if that’s sensitive to anyone, please don’t read.

Everyone I know knows I’m asexual. That I don’t want to have sex ever again. I’m in a platonic relationship, it’s the best I’ve ever been in. I’m super happy.

But the other night I was having some drinks with my friend. We both identify as female. One minute, everything’s fine. We’re having those drunk conversations where you start to cry over dumb things. And then suddenly she was touching me. She knows how I am, she’s a close friend, and she was touching me. I was in so much shock I did nothing. My body moved with it. I’m so ANGRY that I didn’t push her off. I’m so upset at myself. I’m so frustrated. I’m so ashamed. It escalated and I didn’t say no. I didn’t say yes. But because she was drunk too she took it as consent. I bled a lot. It was on my legs and hands and I just… god.

I know it’s not detailed. Maybe I sound detached. But I am. I’m not feeling good and I’m not in a good headspace.

I’m getting emotional over this which is good. I need to feel it a little bit. I’m so scared. How do I tell the person I’m in my platonic relationship with? I didn’t want it. I didn’t. I started crying hysterically after. I’m in pain and absolutely destroyed by this. But I can’t lose my partner over this. I don’t know how to cope. I guess that was the question. What do I do? I feel really sick.

I need this to be anonymous, I don’t know how this works. But. I need to keep myself safe.”

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From the inbox #708

TW: Sexual harassment

“HI, I’ve seen a few “from the inbox” posts and I’m not sure how it works but I don’t know who else to reach out to right now who would understand the situation that I’m in. Tonight I went to a friend’s house and she’s a really good friend to me, but her partner has been making advances on me. I was adamant about going to their event tonight tonight but as I had cancelled in the past, I didn’t want to make a bad impression. I thought maybe the advances were all in my head but it turns out it wasn’t, and he got me alone while I was changing the music and groped my butt, which I tried to ignore and hoped he’d get the subtle message, but he didn’t and went on to grope my chest as well. At this point, I had the sense to push him off, and loudly say no while I ran off and called a taxi home. I felt so bad as I said goodbye to my friend, they seemed to have no idea of what happened, but maybe they were looking for a third person and picked me? Maybe people aren’t as monogamous as I thought they were? I always had this idea that when I did find a suitable partner that we would be monogamous as long as we were together… is that an unrealistic and silly thing to think? I’m so confused and don’t know who else to ask without getting an answer like “you’ll be sexual soon enough” or “yeah that’s normal, he’s physically attractive so go with it”.”

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From the inbox #692

“I met a guy that was cool. I could see him as a friend. it was a great conversation I enjoy talking to him. But I think he got the wrong message I just like having conversations but I think he thought I was flirting. Also I make eye contact with people because I want to show them that I’m listening and focus on what they’re saying but I think guys take it as a sexual thing. A friend of mine recently told me that he is sexually attracted to me and I can’t wrap my head around it I’m not able to understand what that actually means like almost like describing colors to a color-blind person…. I’ve been trying to read articles about what is sexual attraction because I didn’t feel any of that but apparently he did. I feel confused and lost because I want to have good friends but I feel uncomfortable and they’re attracted to me when I don’t want to be having sex.”

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From the inbox #682

“Hiya, so I’m pretty sure one of my friends is aromantic. She told me she feels weird because she’s never had a crush on anyone. She says she just doesn’t think of people like that. I don’t wanna bring up that she may be aro because she comes from a Christian family and they don’t accept LGBT people very much. So if I were to bring it up, she would tell her family and they wouldn’t let us hang out. I mean, Im gay, they’re fine with that because I’m not their daughter. I don’t really think they know actually because they don’t speak English. But if she is, i want her to that she is instead of thinking she’s weird or broken. I also don’t want her to not be able to hang out with me because I “turned her against God’s ways”. Do you have any advice
Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes”

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From the inbox 620

“So I had a female friend visit me because she was feeling lonely – she lives an hour and a half’s drive away so clearly she’s a good friend, contrary to my eternal self-doubt, and she’s far more outgoing than me so living in a small town with no established friend group I think she was really feeling blue. We were in the park chatting about randomness and the topic came around to sexuality,so I of course stated (fairly simply) that I’m Ace, and that it just means I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.

Now the part that annoys me, and she is a great friend with nothing but the best intentions and all, is that she proceeded to then try and tell me all the reasons she thought I wasn’t Ace;

I have used the phrase “She’s hot” before;
Asexuals don’t masturbate;
Just because I haven’t had sex yet doesn’t make me Ace…

I think she made a couple of other points, but overall the impression was that she was trying to make me feel better about myself by showing me that I’m not really Ace, as though it were something bad, or something to be ashamed of… The best analogy I can come up with is that it was as though I’d told her I thought I might be a selfish bastard, and she was reassuring me that I’d done plenty of things that proved otherwise and therefore objectively she could prove that I wasn’t selfish after all. “Now don’t you feel better about yourself?” sort of approach.

Now I love this girl (platonically, as friends! ) and she’s very supportive and open-minded, so it makes me wonder where this image of Asexuality as a character flaw comes from, and if anyone has advice on the best way to educate people, especially such friends, otherwise? I somewhat timidly used the usual counterpoints so often mentioned by this page, but somehow they felt a little underwhelming in the face of my friend’s conviction that she was helping me by trying to disprove my Asexuality…”

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From the inbox 609

“I just found this page like an hour ago and I must say I’ve never felt so normal! I thought I’d introduce myself with a recent story of my ace troubles. I went to a convention and met a guy named Tom who was talking to another friend of mine. Tom mentioned he just moved to my state and was socially awkward and didn’t know anyone. Later, I saw Tom walking alone and texting, so I called him over and introduced him to my friends. We kinda ended up dragging him around all night to meet our other friends but he was getting along well and having great conversations so I was proud to help him get his footing in a new community. The next day, however, he started messaging me with requests to go out. I got super nervous and didn’t respond for a while. He got antsy and I admitted I just got out of a long term relationship (true) and wasn’t looking for anything serious. He then starts trying to guilt me by saying he thought I thought he was cute but he must be wrong, he always gets walked over, and all women always lie and play games. That last bit was the final straw. I told him I never promised him anything, and he insisted I screwed with him. So I told him to f*ck off and unfriended him. I’ve had similar experiences my whole life, and the trouble is men seem to find me conventionally attractive, which makes just making friends impossible when we get close enough that they ask me out and I have to turn them down. I guess that’s why I’ve resisted accepting my asexuality for so long”

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From the inbox 587

“I’m not exactly sure where in the spectrum I fall but I know I am under the ace umbrella. But that’s neither here nor there. My best friend just got into a “situation ship” or at least it looks and feels like that to me. Now I will admit I am an over protective friend, but I can’t decide if I am feeling on the edge because this is the first somewhat serious relationship she’s been in and I am having trouble understand her telling me about it and the intimate details of their relationship , even though she basically begged him to admit they were together, or if he is just a dick and I’m right… For her sake I hope it’s the former because I don’t want her to get hurt
I can’t obviously tell her all this because she feels like I just don’t like him but I needed to get this off my chest.”

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