From the inbox #662

“I was wondering if panromantic or homoromantic ace’s have any tips for coming out to parents. I think they’ll accept me but will struggle to understand which is what I “worry” about. I am panro but never considered coming out because I have never felt the need to, but I think I may be getting into a relationship and I don’t want to have to hide them from my parents. Other people I couldn’t care less about coming out to, a few people already know through association to us both and are obviously very supportive.
I’ve considered messaging my parents with info and basically saying “it me” or printing info out. I just think I’ll struggle to say it to them without them knowing what it is first.
Thanks in advance!”

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From the inbox #544

“I just wanted to say, that this page is amazing to me. I look at this page and I feel normal, like I should, but today when I was finally feeling confident enough to tell her, my mother told me that my sexuality is not real and it doesn’t even have a name, and though I tried to explain it, I felt too shocked that a woman so dear to me could say such a thing to her own daughter, that I have decided that I will not be trying to be open with my family other than my sister. This page brings me lots of joy in seeing others like me, and I came here because this page really makes me feel valid. I just really wanted to share that with you, and tell you that I accept all of you, you are all valid, and that this page truly is amazing for helping me cope with my mixed feelings.”

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From the inbox #452

TW: Abuse

“I’m pretty sure that I’ve been ace my whole life. As a teenager, I was mocked pretty badly by the only people who I called friends because I wasn’t dating, and I didn’t have a crush on anyone. Keep in mind, I’ve also always been the small town nerd – I was an easy target because I didn’t fit into the standard small town girl mold. I watched anime before watching anime was cool and I never stopped collecting Pok√©mon cards.

I still remember one incident when my friends kept harassing me about who my crush was. I said someone’s name – not because I liked them – but to get them off my back. The next day my whole school (which probably had under 100 students enrolled at the time altogether) knew and I became everyone’s target. I guess you could say I faked my first crush.

Fast forward to my first experience with community college. I became pretty closely connected to a group of nerds and we’d play lots of tabletop board games and magic the gathering. I ended up skipping a lot of my classes and academically, I performed really terribly in my classes. I started feeling terribly about myself, too. But then one of the guys who sat with us asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes even though I didn’t like him because I figured if I was dating someone, maybe my family members might stop making fun of me for being a lesbian.

The relationship turned really bad about 6 months in. He started abusing me and I stayed with him because I didn’t know how to leave. At that point, I had moved in with him in order to try to start my own life. I stayed with him for 3 and a half years, enduring emotional, physical, and financial abuse. I guess I eventually ended up finding my breaking point when I left him… I don’t know how i did. All I know is that one morning, before he left for work, I told him I was leaving him and I told my mom about leaving him, and about the abuse, and my stuff was packed and I got out of his house before he got back home from work.

I don’t think my family respects my asexuality because of this experience. My direct family just doesn’t talk about me and relationships in the same context. My family that I see less often still thinks that I just haven’t found the right man yet. Maybe God will find me the right man later in life. I don’t know at this point. I’m just frustrated because I feel like my history with domestic violence is making it impossible for my family to respect me as a heteroromantic asexual woman.

I managed to pull myself out of a situation where my ex had me in an incredible amount of debt (which I paid off on my own), I finished my community college education after my ex had told me that I wasn’t capable of getting my degree, and now I’m studying in the exact university that my ex told me I’d never make it in to.

I’m single. I’m not sure if I’m happy, but I know that I feel like I’m winning right now. It gets better.”

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From the inbox #415

“So, I came out to my parents over the summer, but since I’m a teen, I don’t really think they believe I’m an ace. Anyway, my school has a GSA, and when I was on swim team, I would go to the GSA meetings. Swim has since ended, so I told my parents about GSA. For a month and a half now, they’ve been saying “we’ll see” when I ask if I can go, but I know that’s them saying no. Any ideas on how I can convince them?”

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From the inbox #402

“I am in my mid twenties and I always (till a few weeks back) just categorized myself as heterosexual. I just thought I like men, that’s the ‘norm’, and one day I would get married and be really happy with a couple of kids.
Now, I realize I could be ace. I never watch porn. I’ve dreamt of sex, sure, but I don’t want to do it. Completely no drive.
I’ve gone on dates just to figure out who I am, and get weirded out if the person tries to kiss me.
Here’s where it gets tricky. I’m from India so our parents don’t really understand these things. Pre marital sex and dating is still frowned up in many families, and my family is like that too. Forget about choice of partner, my parents think I should settle down (soon) with a man of their liking.
I’ll have a say in it for sure, but I they certainly wouldn’t approve of me delaying the inevitable.
I’m okay with this concept of arranged marriages and think it’s really beneficial for people who have certain stringent requirements. I personally love the idea of being married to your best friend and doing all these cool things together, achieving targets together and planning your life/family.
However the physical connection aspect freaks me out.
I don’t want to cheat someone by marrying them, and then if I refuse sex, they might get really mad and not understand me.
And my parents won’t understand me wanting to not get married
I don’t really have a question for you, more like clarity on the issue.
Thanks
I am a woman , btw”

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From the inbox #343

“So I’ve been an asexual since early teens (I never knew it was a thing back then but ever since I discovered it I’ve been using that term). My parents don’t understand this at all (I haven’t “come out” to them and even if I did, they just wouldn’t be able to grasp the concept of it) and whilst I respect them and everything they do, they keep telling me that I should look for someone to get married to. The problem is that I’m not interested in guys (which is what they want me to go after), if I had to date anybody, I’d rather it be a girl. Aside from that, I don’t know what I can do to get them away from all of this, I’ve refused and told them no, they would never force me to get married but it’s just so tiring having to deal with it day in and day out. Plus, they would never accept me if I did get with a girl, so my only option is to force myself to like a guy (which there is no chance), or deal with this until I move out. Anyone got any advice on what I can do? (I’m 21 and I do have a part time job as a teacher if anyone wants specific details). Thank you!”

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From the inbox #342

“Some days I’m glad that I’m asexual. I never felt like I needed a boyfriend or girlfriend. But asexuality does get in tough situation. My family questions my sexuality often.
Mostly it’s just pressure from society. I even got to a point where guys were after me and they wouldn’t leave me alone. They would tell me “why? Give it a chance. I’m different.” I shoot them down with “No. I don’t have the need. I don’t feel empty. I don’t need it.” I just know they want sex or blowjob. I usually tell them off, “Go get a vacuum cleaner to suck it.” I even get stalked by weirdos.
It gotten to the point where I had to ask a close friend to be my fake boyfriend to shoo them away.
It did work actually. I’m glad that he helped out, but later on he wanted a real relationship. He is sexual and I even told him I’m asexual. He says he was fine by it, but I don’t think he fully understand it.
Like one time he would point out a muscular guy on a movie and asked if I like it or even a picture of him with his torso. I told him the truth, I don’t get sexual attraction from body types. How I look at people through my eyes is that they are all stick people basically. They are all the same until I get to meet their personality. I only judge them by personality.
He hasn’t force me into sex. I never had sex. He’s more hungry towards touch: holding hands, cuddling, hugs and kisses. He would sometimes cook for me and ask about my emotional well-being. But I know one day he wants more than that. I’m not really repulsed from sex, it just I feel no need of it.
But I also ask myself, ‘why hasn’t he got a girlfriend before? He cooks, cleans, very emotional fella.’ Found out from other ladies that he was, “scary looking” and “too upfront” or “crazy” or that he was “poor.”
If the ladies took a chance to really see him, he’s upfront or crazy because he has anxiety problems and poor doesn’t matter in love.
That’s when I see back again, that I’m glad I’m asexual. But I know I’m going to have a slight problem later on.”

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From the inbox #295

“I always thought I was a little different, when everyone was getting boy friends or girlfriends and I’d rather be by myself and I just wasn’t interested. I spent a lot years wondering if I was broken or if I just had to force myself to feel a desire that apparently everyone had naturally. And then I learned that I wasn’t alone, that being asexual doesn’t mean that you’re broken. So of course I was sooooo excited that I figured out what I was and I told my parents and my friends and that’s when I realized that to “normal” people, asexuals don’t exist, i “just haven’t found that person yet” or maybe “you just don’t like guys” or maybe “you just don’t like girls”. I know what I am, so why is it so hard for other people to just accept other people. Or is it easier to deny something if you just keep them quiet.”

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From the inbox #289

“If there’s one thing I hate it’s when my dad inadvertently embarrasses me in front of someone about the stupid norm. Who clearly saw my ace button but assumed I was one of them anyways How long have they been living to realize I wasn’t one other them anyways. This rarely happens since I have an army that respects it but when it does I cannot emphasize how fucking irritating it is”

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From the inbox #210

“I just realized a couple weeks ago I’m demisexual. I’m also bisexual and I’m having a hard time coming to grips with who I am. I’m married, and my husband supports who I am but my mother doesn’t. She says I’m not really LGBT to my face. How do I deal with this?”

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