From the inbox #830

“So, I’m demisexual and I always feel a bit weird. I actually have a high sex drive when I’m sexually attracted to someone.

Outside of that, however, I think I’m actually pretty sex repulsed. I hate seeing it in TV shows or movies, PDA from other people makes me sick. I used to have friends who were a couple and they would literally make out in front of people even when my other friend(not ace but an assault victim) would ask them to stop and it would make me feel so gross.

Is there a word for this? Being sex repulsed when it comes to other people but not yourself? Or is this one of those things that I guess just doesn’t really need a word? And is anyone else like this?”

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From the inbox #817

“I’m so tired of people trying to make excuses as to why I didn’t like the sexual encounters I’ve had. I’m biromantic asexual, and I’ve done sexual things with an exgirlfriend purely because she wanted to and she pressured me into it, and nothing with guys. Yet, because I’m a girl I get this ALL THE TIME. “His penis wasn’t big enough”. I’m a virgin, yet people assume I’m not and try to blame my “problem” on their genitals or not knowing the person well enough, which I find insulting.
As I said in my screenshot, my lack of sexual desire only depends on what I want, and I don’t want to have sex, so for all the aces out there, PLEASE STOP TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR US AND JUST TAKE US AS WE ARE.”

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From the inbox #786

“So I’ve recently figured out I’m asexual, sometimes I think back about my previous interactions and think I might be Demi, but I know for certain I am Ace in one form or other, which is nice to know 🙂

However I am very much romantic or find my self drawn to certain people, whether it’s a squish or a crush (sometimes I get confused between) but struggle because I am a very sensually attracted person, in that I want to touch them, cuddle be flirty etc but I know these kinds of things are often coded as when someone wants to be sexual with another person.

Do I need to say straight up I am sensually attracted (not necessary in those words) but not sexually?

But I also am not certain I wouldn’t want to do sexual things, cause I have before even if I didn’t feel sexual attraction. So part of me is like.. wellll maybe wait to bring it up?
Because although I’ve not hated sex before, I’m a bit indifferent but did it for the other person and was curious about the hype (it disappointed lol) I’ve only ever enjoyed kissing one person who I was in love with. Otherwise it just feels like swapping saliva.

Thoughts? Help? I’m basically trying to understand my own feelings and any advice would be greatly appreciated.”

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From the inbox #774

“How do non-ace people even feel sexuality? Someone just said to me, ‘I think most people don’t form sexual attraction until in a relationship and I don’t think it deems a label’. I told her it helped me to know I wasn’t broken. I just wish people would get it.”

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From the inbox #753

“Hi, I’d like to ask a question to the community because maybe somebody here might know better. I seriously think I’m demisexual. And I’ve never had any sexual attraction towards any of my crushes until I was 16. There was this one person who I was very sexually attracted to, but I never got close to her. I actually have this thing that causes me to push my crushes away and not get close to them for trauma reasons, but aside from that, I’ve looked into these things, but I’m really confused as to where my sexuality stands. I’m not nearly as obsessed as I used to be about my sexuality, but I’m curious ever since finding out about the ace spectrum. I’m still new to this. Can someone help me answer this question? Please and thanks!”

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From the inbox #743

“I’m not asexual but I am on the spectrum and looking for advice.

So I’m going through a dilemma in my current relationship. I’m very much a demisexual while my boyfriend is aromantic heterosexual. We’ve been best friends for three years, dating for two. He’s very sexual but I need a very strong bond with a person before I can even consider it. Even then I don’t always desire it or really enjoy it all that much.

We’ve always had constant struggles but right now I’m having a hard time keeping an emotional connection with him due to the lack of “romance” if you will. Resulting in me losing my attraction to him. This isn’t the first time either. I should add we are now long distance and he works nights so we don’t get to communicate much.

I’ve tried to explain to him how I feel but he still believes everything is fine. That I’m just over thinking it. I don’t really know what to do. I don’t know if we can rekindle our relationship or if we should just be friends.”

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From the inbox #733

“Where do you draw the line between someone who is just a friend and someone who is your “zucchini (someone you’re in an ace aro queer platonic relationship QPR with)”? And if you’re Demi how do those QPRs fit in with your romantic relationships? Do you feel that by having a QPR in addition to a spouse makes you non-monogamous?”

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From the inbox #730

TW: Abuse, coercion

“Hi. I wanted to give some comission about demisexuality, as I found that it falls under some kind od asexuality.
For a long time I’ve been thinking I was asexual. I Was afraid that it might be caused by a sexual trauma I’ve, sadly, experienced. It made me think that I am not a true ace but a person with a sexual drive silenced by fear. Then, when I’ve found a partner after all, she did not understand it and quite forced me to have sex with her even that she knew what had happened to me before. I loved her, tho and started enjoying sex with her. But when she finally left me I stopped feeling anything. I wanted to give up on it at all. It didn’t last long because I found someone new. But even that I liked her, I still did not feel anything. She then asked me, if I was ace. I did not agree but didn’t know how to call myself. We started having sex, but I did not feel anything at all, but she respected it and gave me time, until I decided myself that I am ready to start. It all changed after some time. I felt closer to her and trusted her a lot more. I got to know her and feel comfortable with her. It was when she said it is probably demisexuality. After all the years I found who I am, and that my feelings are not any aberration nor anything wrong. I finally found myself and felt valid. Now I know after all the years, that there isn’t anything wrong with me an my trauma or the fact, that I am transgender doesn’t make me any less valid, that anybody else – ace, sexual, cis or nb or still searching. I wanted to say it and spread around the whole community – you ARE valid and you should never push yourself into anything. You deserve respect and feeling loved. Take care

From the inbox #669

“I know about asexuality for quite a while now, and sometimes even considered I am, but I was never really sure or just thought: nah, you’re not a real asexual person then. I had sex two times in my life with a person I really trusted, but I just didn’t enjoy it. I never had any bad sexual experiences, but when I think about sex, I start feeling a bit uncomfortable or annoyed about having it myself. I feel like other people are OVERLY interested in anything sexual. I never really understood this “this person is so hot”-concept. No matter what gender or what body it is, but I don’t understand people who get aroused because of nudity. I can find a girl’s face cute and beautiful, but this aesthetic affection is pretty much all. Honestly the one thing that would be arousing for me is only when two people share a deep connection. But I would never want to imagine being in this situation myself. I hope this is not too explicit – however, I do masturbate, but I don’t want to share this with anybody. Other people seem to do. I’ve been in this situation quite a few times and it was always annoying or gross for me. Especially when I was in a relationship and my partner wanted to have sex. French kisses were always disgusting for me. Truth be told, this relationship wasn’t really based on love, more because I wanted to fill a void, and here’s that: What makes me unsure is the fact that I would want to kiss (still no French kisses tho, haha) and a bit more if I would find a person I am really close to. I just don’t know if sex would ever feel good for me. It was never a big part of my life, and I guess many people have been told “you just haven’t found the right person yet”. Thing is, I really don’t know if that’s true in my case. I am looking for a person I can truly love and connect with, so maybe I am really asexual, or well maybe just demisexual. I don’t know, really. What do you guys think about that?”

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From the inbox #663

“You see, I’m Demisexual, and I used to identify an ace until I realized I would like sex but only with a very close significant other. However, recently, though I have no one I’m with currently, I have been getting sexual feelings, but not to any specific person. In fact, I don’t even think of someone at all, I just sort of do and I’m super lost. I don’t know if I’m still considered Demisexual or not. Please help”

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