From the inbox #780

“I identify as demi panromantic and I have a question. I’ve only had straight relationships and I find it really hard to be attached to people. (Trust issues and BPD kind of do that for you). But I would love to date a girl. I have no idea how to go about this though. Especially being asexual and also kind of realizing neither guys, girls or anything in between finds me interesting or attractive.
I mean, I just left a 5 year relationship and I wasn’t very happy when I fell out of love with him. But now there’s this hole in my life. I ended up meeting a girl that I get along with really well and I love her to pieces. When I met her, we hit it off like that. Wasn’t until the end of the night that I found out she was 14. (I’m 23.) I don’t get along with people my age and even in the groups and fandoms I join feel alien to everyone.
I love this girl and she’s my best friend but I can’t get it out of my mind that my feelings are wrong and sick.
So my question is this. How do I go out and try to make friends if I’m terrified of the world around me? How do I go out into the dating world when I’m scared that my sexuality will cut down my choices. (And the fact that I have never had sex before and most people who have expect it out of the people they date.)
Is it normal the way I feel about this girl? Is there something wrong with me mentally? I’m scared and I really need support and advice.”

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From the inbox #769

“Hey guys
So I just wanted to rant to someone about this but I have a friend who is straight and he and I hang out pretty much when ever we can and I identify as ace aro and he is basically my squish and when I go over to his we just sit and watch TV smoking fags and it makes me feel really at ease I’ve led up against him like just rested my head on his shoulder and he doesn’t make a fuss or tell me to stop
He just is
But alot of people keep asking me or make jokes about our friendship saying we are dating and comments like that which makes me feel bad like me being friends with him is bad for him I just hate it when we hang out with friends because it always happens

Any advice you could give me ?”

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From the inbox #767

“Hey friends! Thought it might be cathartic to get some feedback from the community on a longterm struggle I’ve been dealing with. I’ve known I was ace since I was in middle school. But a few years ago, I fell hard for my best friend and thought that the feeling was mutual. It got to the point with this guy where I felt comfortable even letting sex be on the table as a rare thing. Long story short, he shot me down. It’s been over a year since that and I’m still not fully over it, even after taking a break from the friendship to lick my wounds. We’re back to being best friends now, and I can’t imagine losing that from my life. But it’s terrible when he goes on dates or talks about the women he is interested in. I’ve mentally accepted that we’ll never be together. But it’s so hard to move on from someone when there’s no one else to reach out to.

I’m interested in finding somebody else to wrap my heart around. The only trouble is, I don’t want to get invested in another overtly-sexual person. I don’t want to compromise who I am, unless those feelings occur naturally down the line.

My question to you is this… How can I find other aces? I’ve never met any others in real life. The dating/friend sites online are like ghost towns, and there is no ace representation at the LGBT organizations near me. I think this would be easier to cope with if I didn’t feel like I was so alone. I see you all posting and sharing such kind, uplifting things, and thought that maybe your words might help. Thank you for being here!”

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From the inbox #750

“Hello, i don’t know what to say but im moroccan and im asexual, people hear cant understand that we asexuals are not into sex ,my friends cant stop criticising me and now they neglect me. I just feel alone so alone and i need a partner so i hope i could find a moroccan one on your page. Thank you”

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From the inbox #713

“I ran across the following on a solo polyamory group I follow. It seemed like something ace, and especially aro people would care about. Not agree with, because it’s pretty slanted towards coupledom.”


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From the inbox #709

“I guess this question is for people who are in or have ever been in a relationship after identifying as asexual: How did you approach the task of getting into a relationship? I have always taken the ‘friend’ approach, wanting to find someone I can be friends with first and foremost before getting into anything serious. I have had a few close platonic guy and girl friends over the years, but other than a few romantic crushes that were not reciprocated, I’ve never been farther than that.

I suppose I identify as a biromantic heterosexual demi/grey ace, but I’m at the point now where I’m just tired of being on my own. I’m not much one for online dating apps, even ones where you can choose friendship as a goal rather than relationship. I just get terribly gun-shy, afraid they just want more than I can offer. Also, being a bit of an awkward geeky-type doesn’t help me much. 😕 Any suggestions or your own experiences that might help?”

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From the inbox #706

“Hello 🙂
I just wanted to ask if any of you guys know some Ace dating apps (apps, not sites)? I’ve tried Asexual Cupid, but since I’m mostly on my phone, it’d be far easier to open an App instead of a site.
I think there are some apps mentioned on the AVEN’s web, but since the web is blacklisted in my country, I can’t get through.
Please let me know if you know any apps (for iOS). Thanks a lot!”

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From the inbox #684

“I didn’t really think I’d ever message the page but here I am, I just have to share this with people I’m sure will understand. This one guy who I met in Tinder (glad to have my prejudices about it being just a place for people to get laid proven wrong) and who I’ve been talking with on Snapchat for like a month now just told me I would be wife material if it weren’t for my asexuality (about which he was naturally curious at first since he didn’t know of it but understood everything well and was polite about it all the time) and now I feel super sad and empty. It’s not like I was that attached to him but he had so much potential (for the sake of my sanity and safety I’ve locked my feelings somewhere deep and first observe the possible partner carefully and really rationally to be sure they would be “partner material” and he definitely was) and the fact that he saw potential in me but cannot take the chance since he cannot abandon sex (I most likely would not be able to do it) just… I don’t even have words. For a while now I’ve been really down about dating stuff since no one so far has seen me worthy enough to give up on having a sexual relationship and this just makes the feeling of worthlessness worse, I feel like I have nothing actually good in me because sex is still better than everything in me combined according to every other allo person that has approached me. And well to me sex is horrible so I can’t first of all really understand how could anyone want it, let alone more than me unless I really am a pile of garbage that no one likes. I am not trying to get anyone’s pity, I just needed to rant somewhere where someone would understand and I believe this will do. Please do the same if you feel the need to.”

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From the inbox #666

“Hi. Last time I posted, I had only ‘come out’ to one person. Now, I’m out totally. I was wondering if any asexuals have life partners? I’d really like someone to share life with, but on dating sites, everyone seems interested in sex xx”

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