From the inbox 590

“Recently I have been questioning my sexuality. I thought of myself as ace, but recently I have been having more and more sexual tendencies with my boyfriend. It’s not that we DO anything, he knows I’m ace, so he won’t unless I ask, but I’ve been having more and more thoughts about him the longer we’ve been together. I think I might be demisexual, but I’m still unsure. Any thoughts?”

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From the inbox 580

“I’m questioning myself about the aro / ace spectrum.
I’ve had crushes and emotional dependency, I’ve had affection for people, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been in love.
I like romantic interactions with friends, but I hate flirting with people I do not know.
Exclusive, monogamous relations terrify me.
I am not sex-repulsed. I have a need for physical interactions (hugs and stuff). I have a libido.
But, I do not feel really attracted by *people*. I like *being with the people I like* (sexually or not, it’s the same for me) but when I see attractive people, I think “they are attractive becauseā€¦” I do not think “I am aroused by that sight”.

So, I wonder, if I am on the spectrum, and if yes, where?”

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From the inbox 576

” Me and my partner have been together for 7 years, since we were both 18, have 1 child and have lived together 5 years. We are each others best friends. Since having my daughter 8 months ago we haven’t had sex, nor do we want to, and when we planned a baby, it took us over 12 months to conceive as we never have sex! We are both 100% happy with this. We haven’t had sex now for over a year. All our friends think we are weird and regularly ask: so have you guys done it yet. We just don’t get the big deal !! Don’t get me wrong, we like to be intimate, but it wouldn’t bother us if we didn’t do it ever again. We both have no attraction to others outside our relationship but do find each other attractive. As far as labels i am pansexual and he is straight. Does anyone think we could fall on the spectrum at all? I don’t really understand it, but he longer we go with no interest the more I’m thinking about the term ace. We are otherwise a normal, happy, functional couple, no problems or anything. Help?”

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From the inbox 569

“Would love to get some advice! I’m not one for labels but I think I would like some identification help. I am a cis girl that is panromantic. This much I know about myself. I also know that I do lie somewhere on the Asexual spectrum. But where?

I am not sex repulsed. I do masterbate occasionally to destress or help my period cramps. Nothing’s a huge turn on or trigger for me. I have never had sex and am perfectly fine with that. Funny enough, I would be more open with having sexual relations with a woman more than a man, but either are pretty non-existent in feelings.

I’m not going to say that I will never have sex, because I am not repulsed by it. I just foresee needing to be with a VERY special person. So because of this, i’m not sure if i’m Demisexual, or maybe Grey Asexual because I have very VERY few instances of any sort of sexual spark. It’s not a lack of labido, it’s a lack of need or want.

Thank you!”

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From the inbox 561

“This is gonna sound weird but I’m confused. I was snooping around the Internet when gray-ace/semisexuality popped up, I had never heard of this previously and when I discover new things I research. It made me think of myself but I always need to know as much as possible before I slap labels on myself. Most descriptions I found say that it is someone who has a libido(sexdrive) but doesn’t act on it. I definitely have one but I don’t like/want to act on it I guess it’s good as my boyfriend is ace… It’s just I’ve confused myself… Help?”

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From the inbox #556

TW: Rape

“Hi. Have been thinking about my asexuality. I wonder if I am really asexual because I have been through a lot of trauma, I was raped at 7 years of age, so I don’t know if I would have liked sex, because that was so early in my life.

I was raped again in 2014 so now I feel I can’t and don’t want to have sex…but I don’t know if I’m asexual…or just afraid. Help…”

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From the inbox #530

“I would identify myself as demisexual, bit have recently come to the realisation that this is at least in part because I don’t experience physical attraction, people only become attractive because of their personalities or whether what they are doing/wearing fulfils my fantasys/kinks.

I was wonder if anyone had heard a better name anywhere on the aceosphere that fits me better?”

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From the inbox #509

“So, please bear with me on this, i’m not sure if i’m going to explain it right. I’ve never been much of a sexual person. I always just chalked it up to a low libido. I enjoy sex when I have it, but I very very rarely have any urges to have it. I can look at a stranger and find him very attractive, but I’ve never looked at a stranger and wanted to have sex with him (does that actually happen to people just by looking at someone?) I am a very physical person in all other regards, kissing, snuggling, etc.. Just not sexually. When in a relationship, the desire does rise a little bit, but only slightly. I’ve always joked that I need to find a guy with ED in order to make a relationship work without sex very often. I guess i’m just wondering, does this make me asexual? I’ve read a bunch of things and some things make me think yes, but then others don’t quite match up. I mean, I have no problems with it if I am. It would definitely explain a lot of things. My doctor kept saying it’s just hormone imbalance but anytime I had tests done they came back normal. Either way it’s nice to know there are other people out there that don’t care about sex. Gives me hope to actually finding someone. Anyway, I hope you can help. If you have any questions that would help you give better answers, ask away. I’m an open book and have very few qualms talking about personal things.”

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From the inbox #494

“To start off with sorry if this is a long post but I’ve been a little conflicted with what I can identify as even though I’ve been told labels aren’t important but I feel it would help me understand myself better. So I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve only been sexually attracted to one person in my life and that person is my husband, I love being intimate with him because I feel like it’s the closest we can be physically but I have never felt that with anyone else. I have had sex before with my other partners but I was never sexually attracted to any of them or into the sex I mostly only really did it because at the time I thought that was what was expected in a normal relationship. I find some people aesthetically pleasing but I’ve never really had that whole, “I want to have sex with that person,” feeling.
What makes things more confusing for me is that I’ve never really wanted to have sex with someone except my husband because they were sexually attractive but there are times that I’ve recalled being horny and just going with it because I’ve never really been into masturbating.
Up until recently I’ve identified as demisexual because I wouldn’t even consider dating someone until I developed an emotional connection with someone but I’m not even sure if that’s the correct term considering with all my other relationships their personality became more attractive to me the more emotionally connected I was with the person but their looks didn’t matter much and I don’t remember becoming sexually attracted to them really just more willing to do stuff with them because I always thought that sex was okay if you were in love with someone because it was more intimate and that was something I considered special to do with someone.
Sorry if this is a confusing and long post I’ve been a little conflicted and confused myself.”

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From the inbox #486

TW: Abuse

“Soo, maybe someone on this page might help me with my confusion. I’m 21, panromantic and whatever-sexual. After an abusive relationship I rearranged myself and I don’t know if I just discovered that I’m actually ace or if it had to do with this relationship. This was nearly two years ago and I couldn’t even stand the thought of someone touching me and I hadn’t had theĀ desire to have sex with someone and felt no sexual attraction. Some months ago I had a girlfriend and I had sex with her (but I didn’t want her to touch me) and I also wanted it, I was really in love with her so I guessed I might be demi-sexual. And now I had sex with a guy I really like and I craved him, suddenly it was just okay for me that someone touches me without thinking about it, I loved making out with him, touching him, the sexual atmosphere – but not the sex. It hasn’t something to do with him, it was just the sex itself. It was okay and I even would have it again but just for this feeling and not for the sex itself. I also love to tease, to know that someone I like craves me and all this sexual stuff but I’m just not into sex. I’m so confused and I don’t understand myself. Do I belong to the ace-community and if so, where? (Unfortunately I have the urge to label myself to feel kinda safe.)”

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