From the inbox #700

“I’m often wondering what the difference is between gray-ace/demi and sex positive asexuality within a romantic relationship. I know in theory that the difference is that demi/grays feel sexual attraction to their partner after an emotional bond is formed but that sp asexuals enjoy sex but don’t experience sexual attraction. In theory I understand that, but I don’t understand it in actuality. I’m trying to find a label for myself for my own comfort, but it occurs to me that I don’t actually know if I experience sexual attraction or if it’s just getting turned on by my partner. I consider myself to be in a romantic relationship with my partner, and sometimes we do have sex. But I don’t actively think about their body or anything like that. Sometimes I’m in the mood for it, and sometimes if we do end up doing anything I do feel arousal. I don’t know if it’s because we already have an existing emotional bond (demi) or if it’s just the physical stimulation I like. I certainly wouldn’t have sex outside of a relationship but that’s also because I find it unnecessary and messy, whereas I see sex with a partner as just another form of physical intimacy. Is that sexual attraction? I honestly don’t know and I know it shouldn’t be bugging me but I’m the type of person who likes labels to soothe my own anxiety.”

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From the inbox #676

“Does it still count as asexual & aromantic if I don’t want sex or romance with anyone due to Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD)? A quick description of my AvPD is that due to extreme social anxiety, I fear getting close to others. I want to have relationships with others, but I can’t because of anxiety. This extends into friendship and family relationships as well. I do masturbate sometimes, and have fantasies, but that’s where it stops.

Would this be asexuality, demisexual, or something else?”

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From the inbox #663

“You see, I’m Demisexual, and I used to identify an ace until I realized I would like sex but only with a very close significant other. However, recently, though I have no one I’m with currently, I have been getting sexual feelings, but not to any specific person. In fact, I don’t even think of someone at all, I just sort of do and I’m super lost. I don’t know if I’m still considered Demisexual or not. Please help”

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From the inbox #655

“Hey! I have a question. When I had a boyfriend I was like having sex is great and all. But after the breakup (almost 1 year ago) I don’t feel any sexual attraction, yeah I watch porn and look at guys and admire them. I’ve been asked to have sex- frustratingly too much- but no. At parties I make out with literally everyone but that’s all when they want to “go somewhere private” I just leave them because the question just makes me sick. And I went to my friends house once when I was drunk we were making out and it came to penetration and I became sober and just left. (I was really drunk tho. Like I would become sober only if there is a really serious thing)
Soo what does it sound like? Okay I’m queer and I don’t have to label myself but I’m just curious. Thanks in advance!”

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From the inbox #642

“I feel like I’m in the grey area… probably demi, to be more specific. Does that make sense? After a long period identifying as ace ? Then just because of some special person in your life journey, you go like “WTF I’m GREY”
Wow, I’m so surprised by my own mind and body, and I’m actually really happy to realize this … I just want to understand more.. I guess it will take time but that’s OK”

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From the inbox 626

“First, I’m 30 and I’m a Virgin, and I’ve only kissed maybe three people total, and I’ve only kissed each person only once. I don’t enjoy kissing, it freaks me out, and scares me enough that I dont’ even like getting into sexual situations. When I’m drunk, I have kissed a person (same sex) and I really enjoyed it, but freaked out over it after.

I find men attractive, and I do often masturbate to the thought of being with a man, or a sex scene I’ve seen before. I sometimes think of woman as well. I’m not sure if I’m ACE, or if I’m something brand new. There are men that I really enjoy hanging out with,, but thinking of being with them sexually, or even just kissing them, makes me super nervous to the point of having anxiety attacks. I can’t flirt out in public without my mind going into super anxiety about someone trying to kiss me.

Is there something wrong with me? Am I ACE? Or something else? I just am tired of being alone, and it seems every man I’ve met never understands my issues and doesn’t want to deal with them. ”

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From the inbox 603

“Gotta say I just recently came ​to understand that I am asexual, despite being well past the experimental years of sexuality. I’m going you’ll keep this anonymous because my husband might since across it.

For years I’ve thought maybe I was bisexual because my romantic attractions seemed to fluctuate so much. Attraction to both genders seemed equal when it happened.

But I never cared about sex. All of my peers were talking about it like it was oxygen and I couldn’t understand why. My husband is the same way. He could go for sex multiple times a day. I couldn’t care less.

I’ve been married over 10 years now and lately it’s causing a lot of conflict. He seems to think it’s a personal slight when I act disinterested in sex. I’ve tried to be involved in it before, and it just made it worse for me. I feel awful because we’re at such odds with this but we can’t just split and move on.

I’m feeling so very lonely because I don’t know any other folks like me, and my husband seems to think I’m just not attracted to him no matter how many times I explain it’s a lack of attraction to anything sexual with anyone.

Living in the stranglehold red states doesn’t help much either, as most of the time anything beyond gay/lesbian or straight is an empty space…”

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From the inbox 590

“Recently I have been questioning my sexuality. I thought of myself as ace, but recently I have been having more and more sexual tendencies with my boyfriend. It’s not that we DO anything, he knows I’m ace, so he won’t unless I ask, but I’ve been having more and more thoughts about him the longer we’ve been together. I think I might be demisexual, but I’m still unsure. Any thoughts?”

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From the inbox 580

“I’m questioning myself about the aro / ace spectrum.
I’ve had crushes and emotional dependency, I’ve had affection for people, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been in love.
I like romantic interactions with friends, but I hate flirting with people I do not know.
Exclusive, monogamous relations terrify me.
I am not sex-repulsed. I have a need for physical interactions (hugs and stuff). I have a libido.
But, I do not feel really attracted by *people*. I like *being with the people I like* (sexually or not, it’s the same for me) but when I see attractive people, I think “they are attractive because…” I do not think “I am aroused by that sight”.

So, I wonder, if I am on the spectrum, and if yes, where?”

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From the inbox 576

” Me and my partner have been together for 7 years, since we were both 18, have 1 child and have lived together 5 years. We are each others best friends. Since having my daughter 8 months ago we haven’t had sex, nor do we want to, and when we planned a baby, it took us over 12 months to conceive as we never have sex! We are both 100% happy with this. We haven’t had sex now for over a year. All our friends think we are weird and regularly ask: so have you guys done it yet. We just don’t get the big deal !! Don’t get me wrong, we like to be intimate, but it wouldn’t bother us if we didn’t do it ever again. We both have no attraction to others outside our relationship but do find each other attractive. As far as labels i am pansexual and he is straight. Does anyone think we could fall on the spectrum at all? I don’t really understand it, but he longer we go with no interest the more I’m thinking about the term ace. We are otherwise a normal, happy, functional couple, no problems or anything. Help?”

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