From the inbox 588

“What’s the difference between a crush and a squish? I’m pretty sure I’m ace and anyway, there’s this girl that I’ve been hanging out with, and I really like her and I’ve been having feelings that are along the lines of ‘I want her to notice me/care about me/be close friends with me’. It’s different to how I feel about my other friends but I’m not sure if it’s a crush or a squish or something else. Thoughts?”

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From the inbox #543

TW: Abuse

“I am now to this , but it is me. I have been ashamed and about it just finding out about this and identifying myself as being an ace. I am also repulsed by sex…. I was in a 17 year abusive relationship, from age 19, to now… and then some… I always thought there was something wrong with me, because I wasn’t sure if I was gay or straight or WTF…… confusing time…. i’m not sure of things now…. also am I completely weird ? I don’t know how to BE…. EXIST….

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From the inbox #535

“Hi! So…today I was watching a movie on tv that had everything to be a perfect movie, it was about elderly people that went on some kind of program where they became young for a certain amount of time, but then is announced that if they wanted to keep young they have to kill each other and the last one will be the one keeping the young body, and KI thought “Yes a killing game!” But then BAM they all start making out and having sex, supposedly as a “way to create alliances” and then I was like “Are you f* serious? You are on a killing game and the first thing you think about is having sex? You should be worried about surviving or killing each other! COME ON!””

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From the inbox #527

“Hey there, my question is a bit specific and I don’t know if someone will be able to answer, but it would really help me to find… anyone in the same situation.

Can Aspies ( people with Asperger ( autism ) ) not identify sexual attraction and arousal instead of not feeling it? In this case, is the person on the asexual spectrum, or is it just another self-understanding difficulty?”

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From the inbox #524

“Hello, everyone!
I’m pretty conflicted right now and I don’t know who to ask.
I think I have feelings for a friend, but I’m pretty lost because it’s been a long time since I have liked anyone that way.
Part of me being conflicted is due to identifying as aro ace.
I fear that I’m not sure if I’m desiring the relationship aspect and not the person. I think not, but the thought bothers me a lot.
I guess I’ll tell her, I’m expecting nothing anyway.”

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From the inbox #519

TW: Rape

“I have a question sort of. More over I am just very confused. Triggers below.

I was aggressively raped by my ex over a span of a few months practically every day. I had a very high sex drive but I didn’t want to have sex, obviously since I now have a son because of the rape that word ‘no’ didn’t work out well. (Police won’t even investigate)

I still have a high sex drive, however every time I try to rile myself up or think about ever having sex again, I get flash backs and I can never please myself anymore because it makes me sick.

People tell me that ‘oh you’ll love sex again don’t worry’ but I can’t see myself ever wanting to have sex again despite my still very high sex drive.

I don’t know what I am right now, I want sex but I also don’t want sex and every time I try with myself (since I don’t have a partner and probably won’t for years to come) it makes me sick.

I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do, I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this since no one seems to understand why it’s so important to me.”

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From the inbox #496

“Hello, I’m sending this because I really need some advice. I’m honestly afraid of dating and I just don’t feel anything when trying to interact “that way” with people, that’s why I’m asexual. I’m afraid to fully love anyone outside of my family. But I have a friend who is subtly and openly making advances on me, though he’s doing it kind of metaphorically. He makes jokes about me being asexual and honestly it hurts because it makes me question if I’m doing everything correctly…It’s tearing me apart inside because I feel like being asexual is wrong. But I don’t want anything like that. I’ve had way too many people hit on me in the past though I’ve got nothing good for them.
But this guy, when we’re not talking about love, is a really cool person. I don’t want to offend him and possibly hurt our friendship by telling him that I don’t like what he’s doing.
I just don’t know what to do. Please help me, I really need some opinions because apparently I’m doing something wrong….”

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From the inbox #474

“I had a freakout the other day. Now, I’ve had some minor identity crises in the past over my asexuality, but this one was bad. So, I don’t mind sex, in fact, I even enjoy it most of the time. Hell, I’m even a sex worker on weekends sometimes (not that I need the money, I’m just good at it and enjoy it, but my mon-fri day job provides me enough). However, I never get horny or experience sexual desire. Well, almost never, it happens maybe once every few months for just a few minutes. Well this past holiday weekend I was Horny for like 4 days straight, and it’s still going. I even ate like a pound of chocolate on Monday (and I normally hate chocolate). I think have some crazy hormones going on from my period starting last week. But anyway, I had this freakout on Monday with my partner and my metamour there, I cried 2 separate times, and I am just filled with a ton of emotions I don’t know how to handle. My partner is trying to calm me down letting me know that asexuality can sometimes come and go in some people just like anyone’s sexuality can evolve. I’ve been a non-horny gray-ace for so long I don’t know how to handle these desires and it’s really fucking scary.“

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From the inbox #421

“I have a friend whom I’ve grown close to lately and is one of the few people that I am currently out to about being both ace and aro. They are allo, and has recently asked me if I would be willing to enter into something similar or along the lines of a QPR with them. This sort of thing has never happened to me before and I’ve only just recently learned that it is possible to have meaningful relationships without sex or romance and some of the concepts are still confusing to me. They claimed that they would be willing to give up sex for me, which makes me feel sort of guilty because I don’t feel like I should put them in a position where they feel that they need to sacrifice anything like that for me. Is it even necessary? I mean if we’re essentially just really emotionally close friends, is it inherently required that we be committed to each other in THAT sort of way? I feel like they should be allowed to live for their own needs too. I’m really confused.”

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From the inbox #416

Content warning: Some sexual details

“I don’t know who I am anymore.

I was with the same man (husband) for 14 years. We have three children. As far as our sex lives went, after first two children were born we probably did it once every few months and it was more to cure my need for intimacy. For a while I thought he was possibly asexual too because he told me he just had sex for me and I was like you totally don’t need to do that, I just like to be close and touch.. And I explained to him that I was asexual. He masturbate(d/s) a lot though. I think he was really gay… I found evidence to back this up. He has told me that he’s experimented use ago. I told him I’m cool with whatever he is and as we were able to talk more about these things I’m fairly certain that he is gay but in denial.

I’m also polyamorous and had a boyfriend for the last year. I didn’t mind getting him off but I really wasn’t into receiving. And things dwindled pretty quickly because everything just felt obligatory on my part.

I started seeing my current boyfriend and my previous boyfriend was throwing fits about it not understanding how I can be attracted to someone else. I didn’t want to be the rude one and point out that he was already the second. And all the drama from the first boyfriend basically caused me to cut off contact with him about because he is my husband’s good friend I husband got an earful of all the drama and started getting paranoid about things that never bothered him. My relationship with my husband ended mostly because of this but there were a lot of other problems that I never addressed and our separation was the best for both of us.

I appear cis female. I am genderqueer and more often dress in loose men’s shirts, flannels. Used to have super long hair but many days tucked it under a hat. I have often been taken for a young male. (Until they see my chest) This was me like 98% of the time.

Now that I’m with my current boyfriend I wear skirts and leggings and more feminine items more frequently. More than half the time. Including underwear and nice bras which usually when I’m feeling dude-ish I go without and wear a sports bra. I still refuse to shave.

Back to the sexuality – Now that I’m with my current boyfriend. We have sex like at least once a week. And the thing is I couldn’t care less if he never touched me sexually again. But unlike with previous relationships when he does touch me, I mean before even foreplay, he touches me in a way that arouses me. The people before could’ve tried the same thing and it never would’ve piqued my interest. Things usually go and alternate route to actual intercourse. I like to perform oral sex on him and the last few times he’s actually touched my vagina or try to do oral sex on me I was kind of like “nah… I’m good.” But he loves going down. And I find it hard to orgasm by external stimulation but I don’t want to do more so I go without and I’m more than okay with just the foreplay touching and kissing.

I crave his touch and he touches so freaking good but I don’t want to finish or go those final steps to intercourse.


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