From the inbox #715

“CW mentions of rape, child rape,

So ok, lately after reading more and interacting more with the ace community I’m starting to think I might actually be ace. The reason I’m confused is because I have had sex, a lot, and there have been plenty of times I’ve enjoyed it. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago I was reminded that hypersexuality is a symptom of mental health problems. Seeing as I suffer from being raped once when I was about 5, and again when I was 22 more things have been calling into place. Virtually everytime I’ve had sex it felt like a compulsion and i feel like I’ve confused this “compulsion” with “attraction”.

I’m not saying my trauma made me ace, instead I think my trauma made it harder for me to realize I was ace. There are a lot of other little things that have me questioning myself and whether or not I fall on the ace spec. Just the fact that I can’t explain what attraction feels like, or that I don’t feel that draw I guess makes me wonder.

It’d be nice to hear other people’s perspectives on this as I don’t have anywhere else to ask .

Sorry for the bluntness”

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From the inbox #646

“So, I have identified as asexual, biromantic, and agender for over a year now, but recently I’m starting to question if I might also be somewhere on the aro spectrum, because romance just doesn’t appeal to me, and looking back, I’m not sure if it ever actually did, or if I just dated because I felt other attraction to people and didn’t realize that aromantics actually exist. I’m just struggling to differentiate platonic, sensual, and romantic feelings, and it’s pretty confusing. I like kissing, so sensual attraction is absolutely there, but everything else is just a big question mark right now. Cupioromantic is the term that currently sticks out to me most. Any input, advice, resources, or similar experiences anyone could share with me to help me figure this part of me out, that would be amazing.”

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From the inbox #636

“Is there a term for someone who likes some sexual stuff but not intercourse?

I know you don’t need to label everything but I’m one of those label people and I’m very confused.


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From the inbox 607

“Honestly, I’m so over feeling like a jerk when it’s clear someone’s trying to flirt and I’m just like….sorry dude…..but there is no water in this desert.
Just……cacti and shit.
Always feels like I’m a shitty, lesser person.

Not even being rude or anything, getting along fine…..till you get the wrong idea. Now I’m an asshole, and you feel shitty….and somehow I did this.
I thought understanding my sexuality would be freeing.
But I feel like I’ve never been more isolated and self loathing.

How am I supposed to explain the absurdity that is my fucking weird ass existence drunk at 2 am when I myself barely understand my own soul and needs.
This shit is new for me. It took me years to comprehend and I’m still insecure about it. It’s fucking with my soul.
I feel doomed to keep meeting these great people and think “if I was “normal” and could crave of you what you crave of me….could there be and us?
But I don’t even let my mind go there. God forbid.
Let myself feel, fall, and remember that “normal” people want flesh and you want their soul because you’re fucking not normal….
Well….what’s normal anyway.
I should just embrace being alone.
I’m not likely to find, and somehow as a greysexual fall in love, with someone who will love me, as I am. With all my….limitations.
Yeah. Ok.
Fuck love. And fuck normal.
What’s normal anyway.”

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From the inbox 604

“My former aunt is bisexual and I just dreamed that I caught her masturbating a girlfriend in the shower and her girlfriend had an orgasm. I didn’t see anything but I heard it. My body was aroused at the prospect of finally seeing what the fuss about orgasms is, but my mind was absolutely disgusted at the thought of discussing sex much less asking my aunt to assist. I wondered if a lesbian could give me something my husband hadn’t.

I awoke with my body aroused and a sense of deep shame. My family doesn’t approve of anything except cisgender heterosexuality. My uncle divorced my aunt for cheating on him with a woman and other things.

I have wondered in waking hours if I’m biromantic, but repressed because of how sexist and homophobic my father is. I’m just confused and feel disgusted with myself and have no one to talk to about it. If I really am biromantic, how can I accept myself? And how will it affect my heteroromantic marriage?

I’m ashamed to admit the only arousing kiss I ever had was from a girl. But oddly enough, I don’t generally like girls and just like to look, but not touch. I always prefer male company. I’m so confused.”

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From the inbox 597

“Ok, here goes. I had my first kiss today with my boyfriend, who’s well aware I’m asexual. He was really accepting of it, and asked me how far I would go, and what other stuff like kissing I would do. I said I was ok with it, but after we left and went home, ever since I just feel sick to the core about it. I don’t know whether that means I don’t like kissing, or whether it’s supposed to be like that or if it’s just the guy and relationship?? I’m so confused…”

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From the inbox 588

“What’s the difference between a crush and a squish? I’m pretty sure I’m ace and anyway, there’s this girl that I’ve been hanging out with, and I really like her and I’ve been having feelings that are along the lines of ‘I want her to notice me/care about me/be close friends with me’. It’s different to how I feel about my other friends but I’m not sure if it’s a crush or a squish or something else. Thoughts?”

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From the inbox #543

TW: Abuse

“I am now to this , but it is me. I have been ashamed and about it just finding out about this and identifying myself as being an ace. I am also repulsed by sex…. I was in a 17 year abusive relationship, from age 19, to now… and then some… I always thought there was something wrong with me, because I wasn’t sure if I was gay or straight or WTF…… confusing time…. i’m not sure of things now…. also am I completely weird ? I don’t know how to BE…. EXIST….

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From the inbox #535

“Hi! So…today I was watching a movie on tv that had everything to be a perfect movie, it was about elderly people that went on some kind of program where they became young for a certain amount of time, but then is announced that if they wanted to keep young they have to kill each other and the last one will be the one keeping the young body, and KI thought “Yes a killing game!” But then BAM they all start making out and having sex, supposedly as a “way to create alliances” and then I was like “Are you f* serious? You are on a killing game and the first thing you think about is having sex? You should be worried about surviving or killing each other! COME ON!””

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From the inbox #527

“Hey there, my question is a bit specific and I don’t know if someone will be able to answer, but it would really help me to find… anyone in the same situation.

Can Aspies ( people with Asperger ( autism ) ) not identify sexual attraction and arousal instead of not feeling it? In this case, is the person on the asexual spectrum, or is it just another self-understanding difficulty?”

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