From the inbox #828

“Even in the aro/ace community I get hate for being experiencing sensual attraction .
They don’t understand I can sense people’s energy and crave it.
In the same way allo people get “horny” I get what me and my partner call ‘touch starved’.
I sense a person’s energy and react accordingly. If their energy is very dominant I’ll be able to enjoy BDSM with them, if their energy is loving I’ll crave cuddles and being petted by them etc. . .
I really don’t know why people think it’s so weird.”

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From the inbox #825

“I gotta say, following your page has been amazing in coming to terms with my sexuality. I, like a lot of ace’s, realized who I was late, when that magic “spark” of desire never happened. I’ve come to terms with it and my girlfriend and I have worked it out, but it’s trying some days.

A lot of people just don’t GET it. I see well-meaning people lump it in with being aromantic. I’ve debated with my brother, a rather open-minded person, about why and how. I’ve struggled to explain why articles that talk about sexual desire as some universal experience are alienating and downright wrong (to which I get “if you don’t like it, don’t read it”, which is ridiculous when most of the world we live in treats sexual desire the same way, and I can’t just not participate in the world). I’ve debated with people IN the ace community about what it means to be ace.

I don’t know. It’s rough some days. My girlfriend can even say things that are well-intentioned, but are frustratingly ignorant (to be fair, sex isn’t a topic we’ll ever have the same view on, so we’ve both accepted there will be a degree of separation here, and I know I’ve said things that make her upset without meaning to). She’s even been told a few times she should leave me, that she’s brave and has a lot of self-control, that most people “couldn’t do what she’s doing”. I am head over heels for her and intend to spend the rest of my life with her, but it’s like my relationship isn’t valid.

And realizing I’m ace was a great step for me! It was scary, and I worried it’d be limiting, but I feel free! I’ve accepted now that I don’t need to force these feelings everyone else has, that I don’t need to want or even like sex. That I can be happy and have a fulfilled life without those feelings. That my girlfriend loves me even though she knows I don’t feel sexually attracted to her when we’re together.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I guess I’m looking for advice on what to do with those days you just feel alone and invalid, like you’ve repeated the same thing over and over again, but people don’t understand.”

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From the inbox #819

“Hello! After they noticed that I haven’t had a serious relationship since high school (I’m 25,) a few friends suggested to me that I might be legitimately asexual. I always considered myself to be an open-minded cis-hetero LGBT+ ally, but I denied the idea that I was anything other than a heterosexual with too much anxiety to bother with relationships. After all, I’m romantically attracted to women and enjoy the sexual experiences I’ve had before. It wasn’t until recently that I began to question my sexuality. I’ve had some interesting experiences in the past year which forced me to do some serious introspection. My curiosity brought me to this page, and over the past week I’ve been piecing together information from people here, dissecting my past struggles with sex and relationships. I’ve come out as asexual to my parents and most of my friends, but I still had my doubts and settled on the idea that “it’s just on a spectrum.” Labels don’t give me anything except a place to start.

Then tonight, I found an article about demisexuals. It describes to a tee all of the romantic failures, abandoned friendships, and insecurities about love and dating that I’ve dealt with my entire life. It gives me a newfound hope that I’m not inherently damaged or broken, I just process love and sex in a different way. It helps just knowing there are others who understand and even approach relationships in the same manner. In time, I may even revisit the online dating scene, after spending years telling myself that there’s no way I could ever be compatible​ with anyone else due to my uncomfortable history of trying to connect with others.

I’m not sure if this has been shared here before, but it really helped me find the final missing piece in my loosely-defined sexuality, and I think it could be a major help to others in my shoes. I’ve been severely depressed for a long time, and I believe this revelation could be the start of a new chapter of growth and self-acceptance in my life. Thanks for giving us this community as an outlet to figure out who we all are and what makes us beautiful human beings.”


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From the inbox #804

“Since realising I was Asexual and joining this page I’ve picked up on the hidden symbols (a black ring on the right hand, the Unimerdrasus) and the secret jokes (Cake) of the Asexual community and honestly it feels like I’ve joined a secret club or cult. I’ll think you’re all brilliant. ❤️”

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From the inbox #772

“It’s my birthday today, I’m 19. I dont want to publicly post this in any of the groups but I was wondering if you could post this as a status somewhere anonymously? I’d love so birthday attention haha. Thank you either way. 🙂

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From the inbox #770

“I need to tell you people (sorry if my english is not so good, i’m Chilean) the LGBT community, or the pages I follow… they are so awful people, they discriminate Ace people, ’cause they don’t understand us. Is sad, really. It’s just my opinion but I think they should be nicer with others. We are part of LGBT too, right? Maybe I’m wrong, but is sad to know that they are like that. LGBT is a community for people with different sexual orientations, but why they are so bad with us?! They said “why is a sexual orientation if they don’t have sex?” Couldn’t they read the posts in Internet? Why don’t asks? Why are they so…. bad with us?
I speak about latino community LGBT, idk how is the english community, but mine is literally SHIT.
This is from me and my girlfriend, we are asexual and she has seen things like that too.”

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From the inbox #736

“In terms of relationships, how much do community/friends/family play a part in helping shape your identity? Have you found significant solace and understanding from being a part of an asexual community, or (depending on the support given) can friends or family still significantly help nurture your wellbeing and sense of self?”

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From the inbox #723

“I just want to say. I love you my ace family. It is so hard to find someone who doesn’t think your worthless for not wanting sex. I may never find a partner in this life. But I have you guys that make me feel accepted just the way I am. You mean the world to me

From the inbox #707

“Hey guys! Is it possible to request a post thanking the supporters of the ace community who are a part of this group? Often times we see posts of acephobia/arophobia that receive a lot of comments that are a little hateful towards the allosexuals, which isn’t an issue at all. We all have things we like to get off our chests and it’s pretty obvious it’s, “Not all allos.”
However I think it’s important to recognize our allies for taking the time to learn about our sexual and romantic orientations. So they can become more educated and accepting and have a place to safely ask genuinely curious questions. There’s not a lot of helpful places on the internet to communicate with such a large group of ace/aro individuals and be able to learn so much about us. With all the different places on the ace spectrum and aro spectrum that are trying to have their voices heard, it’s good that our allies are here to listen and grow in knowledge of how diverse being asexual or aromantic is.”

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From the inbox #690

“People don’t realise that aces have actually always been in the community. We were just classified in other groups because we didn’t have a name or label.

I have a personal example of this:
Back when I was teen a friend would show me pictures of “hot guys” and exclaim “isn’t he so sexy?”
Most of the time I didn’t get it and I would just start agreeing so he wouldn’t balk at me all, “what??? Really??!” When I said no.

His logic??? I must be pansexual.

If I had the word back then things would be different.
At least I know now and I’ve been feeling a lot better since!”

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