From the inbox #707

“Hey guys! Is it possible to request a post thanking the supporters of the ace community who are a part of this group? Often times we see posts of acephobia/arophobia that receive a lot of comments that are a little hateful towards the allosexuals, which isn’t an issue at all. We all have things we like to get off our chests and it’s pretty obvious it’s, “Not all allos.”
However I think it’s important to recognize our allies for taking the time to learn about our sexual and romantic orientations. So they can become more educated and accepting and have a place to safely ask genuinely curious questions. There’s not a lot of helpful places on the internet to communicate with such a large group of ace/aro individuals and be able to learn so much about us. With all the different places on the ace spectrum and aro spectrum that are trying to have their voices heard, it’s good that our allies are here to listen and grow in knowledge of how diverse being asexual or aromantic is.”

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From the inbox #690

“People don’t realise that aces have actually always been in the community. We were just classified in other groups because we didn’t have a name or label.

I have a personal example of this:
Back when I was teen a friend would show me pictures of “hot guys” and exclaim “isn’t he so sexy?”
Most of the time I didn’t get it and I would just start agreeing so he wouldn’t balk at me all, “what??? Really??!” When I said no.

His logic??? I must be pansexual.

If I had the word back then things would be different.
At least I know now and I’ve been feeling a lot better since!”

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From the inbox #689

“I went to the pride festival in Seoul, Korea and found all this Ace representation and education. I wanted to share with the community so people can see what wonderful inclusion and support within the queer community there is here.”

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From the inbox #680

“Hi, Aromantic here from Kenya.
So I’ve been reading articles on how asexuality isn’t a valid sexuality, and how it shouldn’t have a label. It got me so furious because the label itself is much more important than anything else. The Asexual label saved me from the depression, the pressure of my friends to fix me by providing a guy who’ll blow my mind with amazing sex so that i can be normal again like i was not in the first place and accepting myself as a normal human being. The label made my feel like I belonged that i was normal in each and every way and that there are people like me so i shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am.
It’s been a few months since I discovered my Spectrum and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
That label holds a great value to so many people and saves so many lives. I’m thankful to this community you really helped me cope with a lot.
*Sorry for the grammatical errors English isn’t my first language*”

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From the inbox #666

“Hi. Last time I posted, I had only ‘come out’ to one person. Now, I’m out totally. I was wondering if any asexuals have life partners? I’d really like someone to share life with, but on dating sites, everyone seems interested in sex xx”

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From the inbox #662

“I was wondering if panromantic or homoromantic ace’s have any tips for coming out to parents. I think they’ll accept me but will struggle to understand which is what I “worry” about. I am panro but never considered coming out because I have never felt the need to, but I think I may be getting into a relationship and I don’t want to have to hide them from my parents. Other people I couldn’t care less about coming out to, a few people already know through association to us both and are obviously very supportive.
I’ve considered messaging my parents with info and basically saying “it me” or printing info out. I just think I’ll struggle to say it to them without them knowing what it is first.
Thanks in advance!”

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From the inbox #650

I used to be all over this page and I was so glad to have found a loving and supporting community where I felt like I belong, until tonight. I’ve been personnally insulted and called aphobe and told I didn’t understand asexuality because I didn’t express myself clearly while trying to make a biological point.
I’ve been all over the place on this page, and now I just want to unlike it because it makes me so upset that people are so quick to judge.
Not everyone here has English as a first language and it’s hard to carry feeling through a keyboard. I’m upset and shaking to my core because I can’t believe how quick on the execution those people were.
I’m going to unfollow this page for a while cause I just can’t deal with that at the point of my life, but I want all of you to understand a thing.
When you disagree with someone, whether online or in a real world, on any subjects, be kind. Being insulted doesn’t make anyone want to listen. If I had indeed been a aphobe who didn’t know the first thing about asexuality, the reactions I got would have make me want to never know anything about it and never respecting any aces because of the personal insult.
I don’t want to offend anyone and yeah, maybe my point was wrong to start with, but be polite. Even if you’re pissed. Even if you’re tired of repeating yourself. You have the luxury of being behind your keyboards and screens. You have the luxury to take a moment to remember that at the receiving end of your hate, there is another human being with feelings. And even if that person with feelings hurt yours, still be kind. Give them a chance to want to hear what you have to say. Give them a chance to view thing from your perspectives.
I know there is many trolls on Internet and it’s hard to draw the line between who is trying to make a point or understand a point and someone who is insulting you or your community – because as I already said, it’s hard to carry feeling through a keyboard. But behind the keyboard, you have the luxury of time. The chance to take the time to understand, the time to re-read, the time to cool down a little bit and the time to choose your words.
I’ve been standing up for aces ever since I discovered myself 2 years ago. Geez, before I read those hateful comment, I was telling my S/O that I considered school counselling so the kids going through school would get a chance to hear about asexuality and different thing than “ovaries + sperm = babies” (which sums up the sex ed I got in high school). Because I’m open to different types of aces, because I know and aknowledge different sexualities and genders and could probably help younger people to explore their options.
And I’ve been call aphobe for a poorly phrased comment. Because you have chose to be the judge, the jury and the executionner. Because you decided of who I was without knowing anything about me.
We’re all upset from ace erasure. Most of us anyway.
I sent a message to Equinox to tell them how they wronged us, and yet that’s how I get thanked by the once loving and supporting community. Maybe you’re right. Maybe heteromantic cis aces who are sex positive don’t belong here because we’re straight enough.
So for now, I’ll take my leave. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who are suppose to understand me and who didn’t even try to understand.”

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From the inbox #631

“I wanted to say that I love your page, and all the lovely people on it. It’s great to find people who are like me, especially when I feel so alone in real life. I did have a question. I had my first experience with someone who wouldn’t take a “no, I’m not interested” for an answer. I ultimately blocked him, but how do people deal with that every day? Why can’t people simply accept that some people just aren’t interested?”

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From the inbox 619

“Hello! I would just like to let y’all know that you have helped me feel better about myself. I’ve only found this page a week ago but it’s already made me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you so much for that.

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From the inbox 608

“I just wanted to thank everyone who expresses acceptance and understanding for the asexual community.
It is not an easy road to tread. It’s not as easy as just saying “I’m not interested.”

Imagine going on four years in a relationship with someone you love dearly. You enjoy everything about them, except sex. Maybe you don’t even like kissing. But you’re great at pretending that you do like it, and each day is a struggle to keep pretending because at this point, if you be yourself… you will lose your best friend and partner forever.
When you hit puberty with all your friends, you heard them tell stories about being afraid to tell their parents about their true sexual Identity, and you listened to their tales of forbidden love with wide eyes. But you had no stories… because you never felt that way towards anyone. Ever. And it never really occurred to you before. And suddenly, the world seems like a very lonely place.
I fought with myself for my entire adolescent life about how I should be a sexual person, because I knew I needed that closeness that can only come from a romantic relationship. Now, at 26, I deal with sex because I love my partner, and I know it is a need of theirs.
But I once felt so broken that I almost made a decision that I couldn’t take back. I felt so alone.
When I found out about Facebook pages and websites dedicated to asexuality, for the first time in my life, I felt like I don’t have to go through this alone.
So, again… thank you.”

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