From the inbox 585

“So, as a sex-favourable ace I sometimes feel left out by the community. There’s so many in-jokes, ace posts and ace groups dedicated to or centering around the idea that asexual people don’t want to have sex. Ace dating sites even sometimes entirely exude those that want a sexual relationship, even if they are ace.
I understand sex-repulsed aces have it harder and are less understood and accepted by the general community, and I don’t want to trivialise their issues, but I just sometimes feel like the ace community isn’t for me. And if I can’t be at home in the ace community, where can I go?
Any other sex-favourable aces feel this way? Other thoughts?”

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From the inbox 581

“I just wanted to thank you guys because you gave me the courage to come out to my boyfriend.

I thought he would freak out, but he was okay with it and accepted it. He said that “Of course an Ace is still valid, that’s how they feel. If I don’t want to eat kimchi (he’s Korean) for breakfast, it’s still a valid opinion. If a person is ace and doesn’t want sex they are valid. They are valid if they have sex to please their partners. All aces are valid. Everyone is valid.”

Everyone is VALID. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and if someone can’t accept you, there’s still someone out there who will. We all need to empower each other.

His kimchi comparison was strange but that’s how he was able to understand it, so whatever works???”

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From the inbox 578

TW: Mentioning of rape

“I just wanted to say thank you for running this page, and I wanted to share my story. I am actually not asexual, but my husband is on the spectrum. He has never come out, and only did to me after I read something and made the connection and asked directly if that was how he felt. This changed our entire marriage. Before I would think that somehow I wasn’t enough, or he didn’t want me. Often he would end up trying to prove he did. I then read a story written about a couple where one was asexual and one was not. I had no idea it was going to change my marriage and my life. In the story the ace says that he is willing to have sex to make his partner happy, and the non-ace gets sick. He feels like he raped his partner, because the consent wasn’t real. They delve further into it, and find their own path, which is what we have done. We haven’t had sex in more than a year, and I’m okay with that because I love him.”

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From the inbox 577

“From my very brief time being a part of this page, I’ve noticed a person or two telling about their story of coming out as asexual. I figured this was an appropriate time for me to reveal mine as it happened a year ago exactly. Back in high school, I was actually made fun of by my group of friends at the time. They’d go around shouting “Tori’s afraid of sex! Tori’s afraid of sex!” And I thought that there was something wrong with me. I had a few friends in the LGBTQ+ community and I’m still friends with them to this day, but I don’t think they were aware of the terminology of asexuality.
This time last year, I decided that I was ace and I took it upon myself to come out to my then boyfriend. He didn’t understand the term which I totally understood and I did my best to explain it to him through my rising panic. However he asked me horrible things. For example, he had asked if I would want to have sex in five or 10 years and that took me aback because I would still be in school. He also asked me to masturbate for him to see if my feelings for him were true. That right there scared me even more. He was the very first person outside of the community that I came out to and it took me a while for me to feel comfortable with telling people of my sexuality. Now I’m incredibly comfortable because I feel like it’s an important thing for others to know. We may be few in number but we exist and I know we will continue to do so.
If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t be so comfortable with my identity so I do have that to thank him for”

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From the inbox 574

“A new Facebook group has been created specifically to fill a niche for Jewish Asexuals who would like to find a Jewish Asexual partner for serious dating/relationship purposes. An actual dating site would be ideal, but until there is one, there is the “Jewish Asexual Dating group”—a closed facebook group. The group is for non-married Asexual Jews from around the world. If you are too nervous to become a member because of visibility, you can contact one of the administrators about uploading your bio for you. They will also let you know if someone is interested in contacting you, or if they think someone might be a good match for you. It’s still in “Beta” mode and there are kinks to work out. If anyone is willing to help create a real dating site, or assist with Administrative duties on the group, please let the Admins know! Rules/instructions are listed on the group page.”


From the inbox #545

“So I came out recently to basically everyone and my whole family a couple days ago and it was super terrifying. Especially since it’s been 20yrs of silence while listening to them bad mouth and hate on everything I am. There was a lot of crying. And my dad didn’t tell me to burn in hell. I started feeling more confident in myself because of pages like yours, this community helped me not feel alone in my heart while trying my hardest to confront my family. I’ve had people stop talking to me because of how I am. Because of something I can’t change and wouldn’t change for them. I was scared that I didn’t have anybody to talk to or open up to, and I’ve realized that even though I may not know all or any of you, we are connected and this site makes me smile every day. And now that I’m out of the closet I can start openly finding friends and groups that I can connect with. Do any of you know the best way to find a community group or something to visit in Eugene, OR, United States? If not…that’s okay. I am PanRomantic Grey-a and just want to make some friends who are like me and can help me feel connected. (Sorry I’m still a little nervous)”

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From the inbox #544

“I just wanted to say, that this page is amazing to me. I look at this page and I feel normal, like I should, but today when I was finally feeling confident enough to tell her, my mother told me that my sexuality is not real and it doesn’t even have a name, and though I tried to explain it, I felt too shocked that a woman so dear to me could say such a thing to her own daughter, that I have decided that I will not be trying to be open with my family other than my sister. This page brings me lots of joy in seeing others like me, and I came here because this page really makes me feel valid. I just really wanted to share that with you, and tell you that I accept all of you, you are all valid, and that this page truly is amazing for helping me cope with my mixed feelings.”

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From the inbox #505

“I just wanted to extend my heartfelt thanks to this page and this community. I’m a 17 year old girl and not a lot of people I know are ace, so I’m glad that I’m accepted and welcomed here. It’s nice to feel like I’m not alone!”

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From the inbox #499

“This may seem such an odd thing to talk about. I’m a homo-romantic indifferent ace. I often find I feel disconnected from other aces. I mean, I know there are more out there who have similar expressions. But every time I come across other aces, they are almost always aro ace and sex repulsed. I only really concluded my asexuality a few months ago. Do others find it similarly difficult to find people with their shared experiences? Perhaps having that longing to sit down with another ace and say “I don’t find I have a sexual attraction to people, but I’m also perfectly fine with a sexual relationship” and hearing the response “I know exactly what you mean”? Or to find the aces who don’t have an aro romantic attraction? I guess what I mean to ask is, do others find being a romantic ace who is indifferent to sex means being lonely and alone a lot?”

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From the inbox #498

“So I have appreciated the perspectives that the asexual community has exposed me to for many reasons. In particular I want to say that the humor this Facebook group provides is fantastic and really brightens my day. Thank you.”