From the inbox #1308

“I have a friend/ex that I still hookup with from time to time. When we dated it was just assumed that I was straight. I had an idea that I might be ace before dating him, but then we had sex and I guessed that maybe I really was just straight. In the time that we’ve been broken up and hooking up I’ve come to more strongly identify as ace (uncertain on gray or demi, but defo ace) and sex-favorable/neutral. I’m not out, but I kinda wanna come out to him so he can understand. And for some reason I feel like I should since he is a partner of sorts. Should I come out or just continue as is? I honestly don’t think it would change anything, he’s pretty allo and he’d probably still just be glad we could have sex lol I was a virgin when we started dating and he handled that pretty well when I told him. Just anxious in gen on whether he will believe me because I’ve been pretty open with him in doing and about sexy fun time things. I know action doesn’t equal attraction, but I dunno if he does. I have no problem dropping him if he doesn’t tho! Still, I dunno whether to come out or not.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1256

“So I’ve been following this page for awhile and it’s really helped me figure some things out. I haven’t posted anything here at all because I haven’t told my family or friends about being ace. But I think I want to change that.
Long story short, I just came out to the first person ever as gray-asexual. He was very understanding and respectful. We’re coworkers, and I feel this experience has actually strengthened our friendship.
But now I feel like I should come out to at least some friends and/or family, at the very least my twin sister as she’s the most important person on the planet to me.
Do you all have any advice for coming out to loved ones? Anything that would be good to know before I do this? It makes me really scared to think about and I’m afraid I’m going to cry the whole time.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1251

“so I recently realized I’m nonbinary and I’m trying to figure out a creative/joking/sarcastic/punny way to come out to my family, but I can’t think of any. I’m honestly thinking of sending them a link that just says what to do when your child comes out as genderqueer, but I’m not sure it’s sarcastic enough for me. Please help, thank you! Also here’s the link I wanna send:”

Link

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1211

“Hi everyone. I love this page. I finally feel like it’s ok to be me.
Last night it came up in conversation with my mom that she thinks I put too much “private stuff” on my Facebook (mind you, I’m gonna be 30 this year). I asked her what she meant and she says all awkwardly “you know, all that stuff about aces.” Apparently it’s inappropriate for me to share content from this and related groups in a public place where my grandma could see it. I told her that’s like telling a gay man he shouldn’t wear rainbows because he’s broadcasting his sexuality but she seems to think its totally different. My mom has always been accepting and loving through my journey, including when I was trying out “bi” as an identity. Yet somehow now that I’ve settled on the ace spectrum she totally rejects its validity… I’m lost and hurt and not sure how to talk to her about this. Can anyone share advice or coming out stories to help me?”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1153

“So, I identify as nonbinary and demisexual, and I’ve only come out to a group of my friends. I know that my parents and relatives don’t believe trans people exist and that anything not “straight” is a sin.
I want to publicly come out on facebook over the summer, but I’m nervous.

What I was wondering is if anyone had any good links or pictures or explanations I can post with my coming-out so I can direct people there and be able to avoid having to repeat myself/ deal with transphobes/acephobes.

Thanks to all!!! I really love this group and I trust this group to help me 🙂

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1062

“Is it weird to have no intention or desire to come out to your parents? I mean part of it is fear of rejection but a bigger part of it is that I’m private and don’t see why they need to know. They’d accept me if they think I’m straight, gay or bi and I have no problem with them assuming I’m one of the above based on who I date. I don’t know; is that weird to not care about something so important?”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1041

“Hello! I’d like to ask for advice about confessing. I’m ace (and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum) and I’ve been in love with a guy for a year. He confessed to me some time ago and I told him I liked him, but that I prefered us to be friends. He accepted it and, although I had to move to another country, we kept in touch. Now we are in the same city again and I want to have a closer relationship with him. We are already closer than what is considered normal for friends, and I told him (in a non-romantic way) and showed him through actions how important he is to me. I feel that I am ready to attempt a relationship with him, but I’m stuck because I can’t find a good way of putting my feelings into words. I want to tell him that I “love” him (not just “like”). I want to spend as much time with him as possible, maybe even to live together. But I am ace, and bad with physical affection, and have a negative and moody personality (which I’m trying very hard to improve). I feel like I have to tell him my flaws when I confess, because otherwise I would be dishonest. But the “I love you, but I feel I’m not good enough for you” confession sounds really dramatic and stupid. A friend adviced that I shouldn’t tell him all the details when I confess, because it would be too much to take in (and he probably isn’t familiar with asexuality at all). But withdrawing information feels like lying. I just want to know what is a normal and good way to confess, and most importantly, I want him to be happy.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #1001

“I identify as panromantic asexual agender but I’m only ‘out’ to a few people. I feel like my identity is so obscure and misunderstood that I’m scared of coming out to more people. People assume I’m straight as I’m in a heterosexual partnership and I feel like maybe there’s no ‘point ‘. I want to take part in queer spaces sometimes but feel like I’m intruding and yet I feel uncomfortable being assumed straight. I don’t know what to to do and I feel like I’ve just invented this problem in my head.”

Here are the replies

From the inbox #974

“My mum and I were talking yesterday and she told me she had been thinking about what I had said when I came out as Asexual. At 65+ years, she too thinks she might be Asexual, as it was always a slight problem between her and Papa, and why I am an only child.

Though we’ve had our disagreements in our lives, I feel closer to her than ever as we have a shared disinterest in sex and romantic relationships.

Here are the replies