From the inbox #755

“Basically I had a thought today, no one knows I’m asexual and how do you bring that up in a relationship? How much of a hindrance is that? I don’t think I’m likely to be in a relationship any time soon but I want to be prepared for any challenges being Asexual might cause. Thanks in advance.”

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From the inbox #745

“I came out asexual to my pansexual friend a few months ago. She’s a huge supporter of the LGBT+ community. I want to tell her that not only am I Ace, but I’m also a closeted Biromantic that’s been in there for 2 years, but I’m too afraid of what she’ll say. I know people normally say don’t come out until you think you’re ready, but I kinda think I am. If anyone can give me some advice on what to do that’ll be very kind to do so.

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From the inbox #740

“I just thought I would write this to encourage people unsure about telling their families they’re ace(Not sure if this is the right place to be writing this).
Just under a year ago I first came out to my family. When I came out to my brother he in turn confided with me that he was bi, something he’d been keeping to himself for a while. Later on I came out to my mum, and although she didn’t really get it at first she accepted me.
Being the wonderful person she is, she set out to find out as much as she could and we’ve had many conversions about it since.
Anyway, last week on my 19th my mum gave me bag with a bunch of cupcakes printed all over it, and inside where two books on asexuality and a pride pin. I can’t put into words how happy I was, since it felt like the ultimate moment of acceptance to me, when all my worries finally vanished. I’ve been wearing my pin ever since.
The point of this rambling is, sometimes we just need to put more faith in our families and they’re reactions. We might even find out something’s they’ve been scared to share in return!”

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From the inbox #735

“I am pretty much a closet asexual right now. I have shared with a few people who I thought would understand asexual and they did and didn’t really question me. Well tonight I have my first coming out to someone. It’s a girl that was interested in me and mentioned something about being horny and a sexual girl. I figured I really should go ahead and let her know that I am asexual. Well after more than an hour she might finally accept that I am sure about myself. Though I doubt she believes it herself. This is still after probing questions of “have you had sex? If so give me details. So you masterbate for pleasure.” Just assumed I masterbate, didn’t even ask. And whatever else. The struggles of being asexual are very real. Please tell me this is not an every time occurrence…”

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From the inbox #714

“I’m searching for tips for a ftm transgender that’s closeted. Mainly how to come out to your family, your community, and especially a young son when the time comes.

Where do I even start with money? I suppose I need to call my doctor to explain the situation but I also want to figure out some good spots to help with money, where I should go, etc.”

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From the inbox #697

“So I could really use some advice, or at least some input, in regards to a situation. I’m a heteroromantic asexual female, and I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for over a year. I came out to him as asexual twice in a way, once early on when I admitted that I didn’t notice physical attractiveness, and the other time officially, about 5 or 6 months into our relationship. He took it well, and over time I’ve been able to educate him about asexuality. Well, not too long ago, he asked me if he could tell his closest friends about me being asexual. I was super hesitant, since I’ve only met his friends via voice chat once, and know nothing about their general views of the LGBT+ community. He got upset with me, and started talking about how I should tell my family about being asexual eventually, even if it’s after I move out. I got upset with him, and told him why I’d never tell my family(they’re a bit homophobic and highly transphobic, so really not safe people to be out to). I explained that coming out to someone put me in a very vulnerable position, that I always had to proceed with caution, and that I’ve gotten burned before, hence my caution and my reason for trying to gauge people first. He started apologizing to me, and admitted he didn’t realize how private me being asexual really was, and that he’d told people without me knowing. Not his close friends, but his oldest sister and some people he works with at his summer job. His sister guessed I was asexual during one of their conversations and he merely confirmed it since he didn’t want to lie. As for his coworkers, he works at a place that is very open towards sexuality, so when he asked a few questions about asexuality, people were able to figure out he knew someone who’s asexual, and again, not wanting to lie he’d confirm it. I’ve only met his sister in person once and his roommate(who’s girlfriend is also asexual) via a skype chat(we’re a long distance relationship, so most of our chats are via skype). While I’ve forgiven him, I felt completely and utterly terrified when he told me this. I was crying and started to shut down on him I got so overwhelmed. He started crying when he realized how much he hurt me, and it basically was a cry fest for a bit until we managed to calm each other down. I’ve forgiven him and I still love him, but I guess I’m wondering is, how to handle this. This whole mess was a result of him wanting someone to be able to talk to about me being asexual, and me not really mentioning how much in the closet I really am. I never made a big deal out of being asexual, after coming out, heck I’ve shared a few things from this page with him. I don’t want to prevent him from being able to talk to someone if he needs to(one of my good friends is bisexual and the two of us talk about LGBT+ stuff a lot, which is really nice since there really isn’t anyone else I can talk to who is also part of it), but after this, I almost don’t want him to tell his friends, however I already said he could if he gauges their views first. So basically, any advice for dealing with this mess or moving past it?”

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From the inbox #696

“I’d just like to message you since I’m seeing a lot of people worried about telling their parents about being ace, and all the stories of people who have already told their parents and have had them not understand.
It was my mum who discovered the term asexuality, after looking it up. She was the one who explained it to me, and who helped me understand what that meant for me as a person. She has been completely understanding. My gran and brother also absolutely understand and support me. My aunt did initially say I should see a doctor, but quickly came round to seeing it as a sexuality and not a dysfunction.
I came out at work jist recently, and my work colleagues had questions about it, but are also totally accepting and seem to be on board with what it means.
So, if people are ever scared or unsure, I’d like them to know that it’s not absolutely certain that you won’t be understood by the people you care about.”

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From the inbox #666

“Hi. Last time I posted, I had only ‘come out’ to one person. Now, I’m out totally. I was wondering if any asexuals have life partners? I’d really like someone to share life with, but on dating sites, everyone seems interested in sex xx”

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From the inbox #662

“I was wondering if panromantic or homoromantic ace’s have any tips for coming out to parents. I think they’ll accept me but will struggle to understand which is what I “worry” about. I am panro but never considered coming out because I have never felt the need to, but I think I may be getting into a relationship and I don’t want to have to hide them from my parents. Other people I couldn’t care less about coming out to, a few people already know through association to us both and are obviously very supportive.
I’ve considered messaging my parents with info and basically saying “it me” or printing info out. I just think I’ll struggle to say it to them without them knowing what it is first.
Thanks in advance!”

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From the inbox #633

“Hi. Kinda scared to write, but here goes. I’m fearing that the common thought from straight cis people that no one will ever like us is kind of true. I realized i was ace about 3.5 years ago and have been very open about it. But not once has anyone been interested in me and respected my sexuality. At this point, I’m thinking about going in the closet and be seen as a cis straight man (I’m trans and actually very queer. But this loneliness is killing me too). I guess I’m looking for advice or hope or something, I’m not sure. Thanks for reading.”

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