From the inbox #820

“So social media seems inundated with negativity and polarizing debates today, in case you needed something awesome:

Talked to my mom about being asexual today. Got an awesome reaction which I wish for all of you.

Mom listened and then said, “I can totally see that suiting you very nicely dear. I love you. How can I support your choices?”

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From the inbox #819

“Hello! After they noticed that I haven’t had a serious relationship since high school (I’m 25,) a few friends suggested to me that I might be legitimately asexual. I always considered myself to be an open-minded cis-hetero LGBT+ ally, but I denied the idea that I was anything other than a heterosexual with too much anxiety to bother with relationships. After all, I’m romantically attracted to women and enjoy the sexual experiences I’ve had before. It wasn’t until recently that I began to question my sexuality. I’ve had some interesting experiences in the past year which forced me to do some serious introspection. My curiosity brought me to this page, and over the past week I’ve been piecing together information from people here, dissecting my past struggles with sex and relationships. I’ve come out as asexual to my parents and most of my friends, but I still had my doubts and settled on the idea that “it’s just on a spectrum.” Labels don’t give me anything except a place to start.

Then tonight, I found an article about demisexuals. It describes to a tee all of the romantic failures, abandoned friendships, and insecurities about love and dating that I’ve dealt with my entire life. It gives me a newfound hope that I’m not inherently damaged or broken, I just process love and sex in a different way. It helps just knowing there are others who understand and even approach relationships in the same manner. In time, I may even revisit the online dating scene, after spending years telling myself that there’s no way I could ever be compatible​ with anyone else due to my uncomfortable history of trying to connect with others.

I’m not sure if this has been shared here before, but it really helped me find the final missing piece in my loosely-defined sexuality, and I think it could be a major help to others in my shoes. I’ve been severely depressed for a long time, and I believe this revelation could be the start of a new chapter of growth and self-acceptance in my life. Thanks for giving us this community as an outlet to figure out who we all are and what makes us beautiful human beings.”


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From the inbox #816

“I came out as initially asexual and then Demi-sexual and finally (because I finally figured myself out) as pan-romantic, gray-asexual to my mom. It’s kind of upsetting that each time her reaction has always been ‘you’ll find someone eventually/you just haven’t found the right one yet’. However, I came out with my ace-ness to my aunt, and she was just like ‘well, that makes sense’ and was totally cool with it! I’m just super excited that someone in my family is cool with my ace-ness!”

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From the inbox #806

“Recently my mum has basically come out to me as being an ace as well, so I was just wondering if anyone else’s parents later come out to them in return, or (as in my mums case) if they figured something out about themselves thanks to you coming out about them not knowing existed before.”

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From the inbox #796

“Just something I’d like to share.(vulgar language warning for anyone that is uncomfortable by it, but it’s just in the paragraph underneath this one) I’m from a small town, and I’m the only ace I know of in my area. (There used to be a panromantic ace that I was good friends with, but she moved to California.) And since asexuals are virtually unknown around here, I get some interesting experiences. I’m a greyromantic Asexual, and I’m only completely out to one person. For everyone else, I just drop subtle hints like the ace flag in the corner of my picture or the symbols in my insta bio.

So first, my favorite which actually happened today. We were talking about the word adulterate since it was on our vocab list, and friend 1 chimes in. “If you guys could f*ck anyone in this school, who would it be?” Friend 1 and friend 2 start listing off names while I sit quietly and awkwardly. Then, they turn to me. I get nervous since I don’t have any names to list off, but I don’t want to come out yet. So, trying to think of something quickly, I just say, “does yourself count?” Friend 1 says “ewwww” and starts laughing, friend 2 is dying laughing.

Then, another time I was talking with everyone at the table for why I didn’t want to move to Florida. My brother’s friend decides to comment. “Yeah, but imagine all the babes you’ll meet on the beach.” My response was, “maybe I don’t want babes.” (I was kicking myself later because I thought of something funny to say. Earlier I had complained about the heat, and I realised I could have said “didn’t I say I don’t like it hot?”) I’ve never seen a more confused look on someone’s face in my life, and it was absolutely glorious.

A little bit later on, I’m talking to my brother’s friend again. He brought up how I did my face paint for the football game, (which was honestly badass) and he said something along the lines of “what was that about?” I explained that our mascot was the devil, and I like to go all out for the football games. (Even though I don’t really watch the football games, I just wonder around and socialize.) I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it had something to do with there being no point to it since it won’t attract anyone. I then brought up how he brought an inflatable alien to the bar with him. He got kind of jokingly defensive. “Hey, mine was at least successful. Fred [the alien] got me a picture with two hot blondes.” “Mine was a success.” I say. “No it’s not, did it get you a boyfriend?” He says. “No bu-” I get cut off by him chiming in “then it wasn’t a success!” “Maybe the goal wasn’t to get a boyfriend.” I reply mockingly. “That’s always the goal.” He says.

Then this other time, I was talking to a different friend of my brother’s. We’ll call him brf #2. So BRF #2 teases me a lot. I was cooking myself some food, and he said that it smelled gross. Then, he said “I feel bad for your future husband.” There was a pause, and I was smirking. “Or girlfriend. I won’t judge your life choices.” He adds. At this point, it is killing me inside because I want to tell him so bad. There’s no worse feeling than holding in a laugh over a secret inside joke with yourself.

Lastly, a lady friend of my brother’s and I were talking. (Seems like I interact with my brother’s friends a lot, doesn’t it?) She asked me, “what would you even do if you had a boyfriend?” I already had the perfect response in the back of my head. “I don’t know, put a newspaper in the corner of the room. Leave him some Cheerios; that’s what boyfriends eat, right? Then, I’ll pet his hair once in awhile, and when I get annoyed, shoo him away.” My grandma’s in the background laughing. “It sounds like you want a pet, not a boyfriend.” She remarks. Bingo, grandma.

I know some of the responses by the people here may seem degrading, but I promise you, they are awesome otherwise. Not one of them even knows what ace is, so this is a fairly new concept which is why I’m not ready to come out yet. This was meant to be a fun post, but I’d like to ask for advice from you guys. I do feel like it’s time to come out, but I don’t know how to go about it or how anyone will respond. My brother just got done watching the new season of Bojack Horseman, and he knows I watch the show. I’m afraid if I come out to him, he’ll think I saw it on Bojack Horseman and just wanted to be like that. Besides the two friends in my first example, most of my friends are lgbt+ and I don’t want them to think that I’m just doing it to fit in. Also, for the people who have never even heard of ace, I don’t want them to think I just made it up. I want life to go on as normal, but this is an important part of myself that should just be a, “by the way… This is a thing.”

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From the inbox #794

“Hi guys,

For one of my visual communication classes we were given a project for which we have to make 3 posters about something personnal and give advices we would have liked to hear. So I decided to do it about asexuality (kind of coming out? Well I’m doing an Erasmus so lets try where we won’t see the other people ever after if it turns out they don’t get it )

We all know that many people don’t know about asexuality and I’m fine with that except that people who are asexual don’t know about it either and can feel abnormal when it’s not the case. So I wanted to make something for them in the lines of :”It’s fine if you would rather cuddle, read a book, eat cake 😛,…”. Kind of an awarness campaign.

What do you think of it? Is it something you would have liked to see? And most importantly what would you aswer to the question what would you rather do?
Thanks for your opinions

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From the inbox #755

“Basically I had a thought today, no one knows I’m asexual and how do you bring that up in a relationship? How much of a hindrance is that? I don’t think I’m likely to be in a relationship any time soon but I want to be prepared for any challenges being Asexual might cause. Thanks in advance.”

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From the inbox #745

“I came out asexual to my pansexual friend a few months ago. She’s a huge supporter of the LGBT+ community. I want to tell her that not only am I Ace, but I’m also a closeted Biromantic that’s been in there for 2 years, but I’m too afraid of what she’ll say. I know people normally say don’t come out until you think you’re ready, but I kinda think I am. If anyone can give me some advice on what to do that’ll be very kind to do so.

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From the inbox #740

“I just thought I would write this to encourage people unsure about telling their families they’re ace(Not sure if this is the right place to be writing this).
Just under a year ago I first came out to my family. When I came out to my brother he in turn confided with me that he was bi, something he’d been keeping to himself for a while. Later on I came out to my mum, and although she didn’t really get it at first she accepted me.
Being the wonderful person she is, she set out to find out as much as she could and we’ve had many conversions about it since.
Anyway, last week on my 19th my mum gave me bag with a bunch of cupcakes printed all over it, and inside where two books on asexuality and a pride pin. I can’t put into words how happy I was, since it felt like the ultimate moment of acceptance to me, when all my worries finally vanished. I’ve been wearing my pin ever since.
The point of this rambling is, sometimes we just need to put more faith in our families and they’re reactions. We might even find out something’s they’ve been scared to share in return!”

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From the inbox #735

“I am pretty much a closet asexual right now. I have shared with a few people who I thought would understand asexual and they did and didn’t really question me. Well tonight I have my first coming out to someone. It’s a girl that was interested in me and mentioned something about being horny and a sexual girl. I figured I really should go ahead and let her know that I am asexual. Well after more than an hour she might finally accept that I am sure about myself. Though I doubt she believes it herself. This is still after probing questions of “have you had sex? If so give me details. So you masterbate for pleasure.” Just assumed I masterbate, didn’t even ask. And whatever else. The struggles of being asexual are very real. Please tell me this is not an every time occurrence…”

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