From the inbox #1214

“Women with intimacy issues who also recently came out as asexual and aromatic is looking into therapy for gender dysphoria and possibly transitioning.
Informs ex, who she broke up with to save them from a physically unfulfilling relationship, that “I may be okay with sex in general from a guys perspective.”
Ex is supportive but concern. Wants to know if this is common or not.”

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From the inbox #1213

TW: Abuse, self-harm, suicide
” I’d like to share my story. It’s not one I’m comfortable discussing with the people in my life. I lost my virginity the day after my 23rd birthday. No one knows this. Not my mother. Not even my best friend. It was consensual and I felt that I loved the person, yet I felt violated. I disassociated my mind from my body and basically blacked out the event to the point of not even feeling the physical pain of losing my virginity. I was operating only within my mind, feeling what was happening to my body was happening to someone else, not me. There was a lot of blood and as I showered afterward, I went into shock and passed out. I still felt I loved this person and wanted a relationship with them after sex, so why did I feel so disgusted with myself and in dread of the inevitable next sexual encounter? I chalked it up to my conservative, religious upbringing and carried on. (I myself am agnostic.) We struggled on through this relationship for nearly 2 years, living together part time. My partner was frequently perplexed and angry at my lack of interest in sex, complained that I never initiated it, and eventually took to verbally and emotionally abusing me. I couldn’t help it. I took no pleasure in these acts and found them frankly repulsive. I kept going through the motions, I even learned to pretend, to try to please my partner, but we both knew something was “off”. I felt sex cheapened the intellectual bond between two people and couldn’t imagine how people could have sex for “fun”, yet I enjoyed kissing, holding hands, and other romantic gestures. Perhaps it would have been tolerable had I felt loved, rather than objectified? There was no love-making, no time or care spent. My partner was alternately a horn dog and cold and indifferent toward me. I discovered he had a second phone he was using to arrange times to cheat on me when I was working or sick. We argued, and he blamed me for not “looking like other girls” and said he felt like I was his younger sister. I wore very practical, androgynous clothing and little to no makeup. Attracting men or fitting in with societal norms of what sexually/aesthetically attractive women look like has never been important to me, so again I could not understand why he cared. He could not understand why I didn’t care. He came close to physically abusing me, and I fell into depression. I started self-harming and suffered suicidal thoughts. I have never been comfortable showing many emotions and am generally uncomfortable around people who are emotional. Let’s say, vulnerability is not my cup of tea. I one day forced myself to cry in front of him. He sat stone faced and ignored me while I sobbed. I thought if he could see how much I was hurting, something might change. It didn’t. I finally decided my only option was to leave. I have since realised that I am in fact a heteromantic asexual, something I had suspected since I was a teenager, but dismissed. I am in a much healthier place psychologically now that I’ve accepted my sexual orientation and I’m much happier with myself. Sex was the dark cloud that hung over the relationship and now I know why, and also that I need a partner who appreciates my value sans sex and is understanding of my sexual orientation and not dismissive/abusive. My question to other romantically inclined aces going forward is this: at what point do you tell a potential partner you are asexual and probably won’t ever want to get naked with them? I’m again romantically attracted to someone, but have no clue how to broach this subject in a non-awkward way. 😞

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From the inbox #1169

“For the past few weeks I’ve been dating this really nice guy, him and his family have been treating me so nicely. There’s only one big problem: he has it in his head that we will have sex. He knows that I’m asexual, I don’t exactly hide the fact that I am ace. I hate any type of sexual contact. But every once in a while he’ll ask for a pic of me shirtless or a “sneaky pic” if you get what I mean. I do love him but it can get so overwhelming at times. I’ve talked about the whole ace thing with him so many times, I’ve no idea what to do, sometimes I think I should break up with him .”

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From the inbox #1097

“So recently I just got dumped. He meant everything to me. He was the only person I have ever been attracted to in a romantic and sexual way (Im demi) and I am having a hard time handling it. I feel like it is partially my fault that I didn’t make him feel like he was good enough. Our relationship wasn’t “stereotypical” and because of circumstances we couldn’t spend a lot of time together in person. I didn’t mind and I thought I made that clear though, but he broke up with me because he said that he wasn’t a good enough boyfriend to me and that I deserved better and that he needed to work on himself. I let him go because I love him too much to make him stay when he doesn’t want to. But it hurts so bad that sometimes I don’t even know if it will ever stop hurting. I guess I just wanted to vent. Maybe see what other people have to say. And share my newly reinstated motto in life that unless he wants to be with me again will stay permenantly in place. “Single and never going to mingle”. I thought some people may like it, so I figured I would share it. I thought it was pretty fitting for those of us who don’t want to get into romantic/sexual relationships.”

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From the inbox #1082

“I’m going to send some pictures people might relate to 🙂 I was watching a K-drama on Netflix called Hello My Twenties (I think it’s also called Age of Youth) and there were these scenes where one of the characters essentially broke up with her best friend and she was really sad and got annoyed with her flatmates for not taking it as seriously as when their other friend broke up with her boyfriend. It’s kind of a sad moment but I was glad they acknowledged how much of a big deal the end of a platonic relationship can be and how hard it can be to get others to understand. Anyway here are the pictures…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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From the inbox #1055

“Saw a friend like this page and thought I’d take a look because I’m in need of some advice/help. Sorry if this is long, but need to provide context.

I, a heterosexual male, have been in a relationship with, in my opinion, the most wonderful woman on this world for a few years now. She’s been open to the idea of a relationship but various factors in her life, a lot of them medical related, left her feeling hesitant on progressing into a more intimate one.

I’ve been doing my best to give her the time and space she needs; I always ask if she’s doing alright or if I need to back off when we cuddle, she quickly put a stop on me asking if it was okay to kiss her, and I’ve done my best to not pressure her till almost a month ago when I said to her something along the lines of “I know we’re still a long ways off from having sex, but how far is too far for you?”

She responded that she wasn’t sure if she would ever be fully comfortable with even the idea of having sex ever.” I’d be lying if I said that didn’t disappoint me, and she probably picked up on that, but I love her and willing to deal. Well after that she did a lot of thinking and came to the realization that her hesitancies on getting into an intimate relationship isn’t due to germ avoidance from her medical issues, but that she’s asexual.

So to actually get to the point, she thinks we should break up because she doesn’t believe she’s capable of fulfilling my needs in a relationship, but wants me to actually make the decision since, according to her, “It affects you the most.”

I love and deeply care about her, but I’m afraid that despite her saying she still loves me as well, that she won’t actually accept me wanting to continue our relationship since she’ll feel like I should be with someone else. But I’m also afraid that if we don’t continue our relationship that over time we’ll drift apart, especially if I find someone else, and if that happens that she’ll finally let her medical conditions get the best of her and take a turn for the worst, since her family can’t stop talking about how much better she’s been doing since I’ve entered her life.

TL:DR version, long time girlfriend recently figured out she’s asexual, doesn’t think our relationship can work out due to how physically intimate I tend to be, but wants me to make the decision, I’m certain I love her enough to make it work, but at a lost on just what to do.”

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From the inbox #1047

“I’m asexual. I didn’t know until after I had been married for over ten years and had 3 children. Now it’s causing a huge amount of on tension and fighting and disconnection between my husband. He needs sex and I don’t want it. But i know it’s destroying our relationship. Now he’s talking alot about wanting my permission to to see an escort once a year. I don’t know what to say. But that seems not helpful and a road to separation rather than helping our marriage. I’ve suggested counseling, he’s not so interested in counseling but I think he’ll go. Does anyone else have any success stories from similar experiences?”

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From the inbox #1043

“I wanted to share my story. I identify myself as demiromantic. Am still trying to figure my sexuality which could be demi, ace or grey. In the process of it, I’ve realized a few important things in life. In a society which is overwhelmingly sexualized and even more so when it comes to men, the hardest part of self-recognition is to overcome the odds and accept one’s true self as it is. A label is nothing but a validation. It could be important to some people, may not impact others as much. Depends on perception.

I have always been a dreamer. Being a guy who loves Disney and has unrealistic expectations of a fairytale romance is not easy in the society or at least the society that I’ve been a part of without being judged. I’ve been deemed as unpractical, naive. I’ve been called names and said to be not “man enough”. I’ve been madly in love with someone who coerced me into having sex and willingly compromised my sexuality just to hold onto the person that I was or probably still am crazily in love with. I was dumped by my very loved one who refused to understand me and left me when I needed her the most to be by my side. Years later, am still trying to figure out who I am and what I want and I’ve finally begin to understand.

Am a hardcore demiromantic. I’d die for my love and expect the same. Not an inch less. And due to lack of any other terms, I identify my sexuality to be “PRECISEXUAL”. I’ll engage in sexual activity only and if only it meets certain specific criterion and conditions which is mutually agreed upon. I don’t expect anyone to be like but rather hope and wish there’s someone who’s like me and maybe someday we’ll be together. If not, am content being by myself as I am. I no longer want to be accepted nor I’d let anyone psychologically, emotionally and/or sexually violate me in any ways or manners. I believe in myself and I’ll stick to my belief. I won’t allow anyone to disrespect me just the I don’t disrespect any other orientation. I won’t be passive discriminated for being a guy who doesn’t want sex or companionship just for the sake of it. I am not incomplete without someone in my life but wish to be with someone who thinks just the same way or at least puts in the effort to understand it.

I want my story to be heard cause fighting it is never easy and I just wanted to let everyone know who’s fighting their unique battles, don’t give up. You are who you are. Don’t let anyone define it for you. Find yourself. Seek the answers from within. You’ll discover things beyond your thoughts. #AcePride

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From the inbox #943

“I’ve known that I’m Ace for quite a few years now but I’m beginning to think I’m aro as well. I have a girlfriend but I only feel platonic affection for her. She’s the only one I’ve ever dated and that’s only because she asked me out. I don’t want to hurt her by breaking up but I know it’s something I need to do.”

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From the inbox #749

“Long story short, i tried having a normal relationship, but being asexual,
obviously it didn’t work. Now he’s stalking me, please show me support.”

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