From the inbox #671

CW: damaging relationship

“I’ve gone through my fair share of break ups, but for some reason the most recent breakup, which happened in November, is hitting me particularly hard. You see, I work in the same building as him and his new girlfriend but the details aren’t important…

I fell in love with a sociopath. I feel so damaged from him after only being together 2 months. We clicked so well and it felt meant to be, but apparently I was just meant to be a temporary fling. I dont feel romantic attraction at all anymore and I’m having a hard time trusting others. I’m in counseling and on medication, but for some reason I just hurt more than usual. I’m asexual and also have autism spectrum disorder. Are there any words of healing or advice for getting over a sociopath/damaging relationship? Just some words of kindness and encouragement would go a long way. Thank you.”

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From the inbox 584

“hey- so im in a bit of a weird situation and im not sure who to ask about this…
i just broke up with my gf and the main reason she cited was that she thinks she may have had more of a squish than a crush on me when she thought about it. were on good terms now, and im wondering if i might want to be in a qpr with her instead, but i feel like that might be weird for me to ask her. thoughts?”

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From the inbox 559

“Last year my ‘what-I-thought-to-be-a-boyfriend’ broke up with me so he could date some girl from his workplace. We were in a long distance relationship, or at least I was. Thing is, I cared a lot about him and he didn’t think twice about me or my feelings towards him when he did what he did and the way he did. He obviously cares about her way more than he ever did about me, as he’s always demonstrating it online (he posts pictures with her, he reacts to her posts with ‘love’ and sends her heart emojis all the time – things I’ve never had from him). I wish I could move on with my life instead of crying about it and feeling so bad and letting it hurt me, so I’d really like to know how other aces/demi handle this kind of situation. I can’t just replace him for another person like any other person would do and forget about it. I’m not a teenager anymore (I’m turning 30 in two weeks) and I’m really scared this has broken me inside forever and I won’t be able to recover anymore. What can I do? It’s so hard to cope. It’s been months and I’m not any better. I’ve tried everything people told me to do, but I know the problem is me being ace and, therefore, not able to replace him so soon and so easily. Please help Thank you.”

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From the inbox #546

“There are no resources for leaving your queerplatonic partner. I love them completely, but I just don’t like my life with another person. It’s not the same as a romantic relationship. I don’t know what to do and have no one to talk to. How do you leave someone just because you want to be by yourself? I don’t know if that’s valid. I don’t think it’s worse seriously disrupting their life.”

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From the inbox #532

“Hello! I’m looking for some advice.
I’m demisexual, and have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. We recently found out that he is being transferred for work across the country. We have been trying to work out what we are going to do. Am I going with him, are we going to try long distance, or are we breaking up? Neither of us wants to break up, and don’t think that long distance will work for us. In his mind, moving across the country together makes our relationship permanent. We have both admitted that we think that the other one is our person. He is hesitating because we don’t have passion together. We do have sex, and enjoy it, but it’s not tv/movie look at each other and jump bones, passion. He has had that in the past, and says that is the only flaw in our relationship for him, and he is trying to decide for himself if that is a deal breaker. He has literally said everything else is perfect. I’m really struggling with this because there isn’t anything I can do about it. I didn’t even know that the TV passion was a real thing. It made me feel broken when he said it. We started our relationship knowing that he is very sexual and that I’m demisexual. We are in an open relationship, and it has worked very well for us. I just don’t know what to do. This time limit is stressing me out. He moves in July. Has anyone been in a similar situation, or does anyone have advice for me? He is a fantastic person, and this has never been an issue for us before, but this time limit is making us question everything. Any advice or shared struggles would be helpful.
Thanks,
J”

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From the inbox #493

“Hello there! I’ve been thinking about messaging the page for months and, even though my relationship is now over, I ‘m still curious about the personal opinions of the members on a subject (forgive my english please, english is not my native tongue). So, as a demisexual myself, I was wondering if any of you get jealous of your (heterosexual) partner’s previous relationships with heterosexuals. Whenever I think of my (now ex) boyfriend with his ex girlfriends I feel disgusted and I throw up. I’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness that may play a role though, and I would like to know whether this attitude is due to the illness (bipolar disorder), my personality or my sexuality. Any similar experiences? Thank you in advance!”

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From the inbox #481

“I thought i found my forever person. Im an asexual female and he is a gay male. We were friends in highschool but eventually fell apart for a few years. And almost three years ago got reacquainted. At the time both of us re connected easily because we needed each other emotionally. He had just moved back into town after a two year relationship went bad. I was stuck in time afraid of the world and afraid to feel emotions, i barely left the house. We helped each other alot. Eventually we decided we’d be life partners, because he was emotionally unavailable in the romantic department, and i don’t date, don’t do romantic connections at all. Basically our friendship took over for any relationships we weren’t willing to have, filled in the empty spots. It was like dating with out anything romantic involved, strictly platonic. It worked for us. We were each others person. When not busy with life commitments like work, we were together. We lived a 3 minute car ride apart, only 15 mins if walking. We both changed with each others help, became better. But i don’t know what to do now because i don’t know the protocol. I knew i wouldn’t have him to myself forever, knew eventually hed get back out there and be ready to date again.. Have the kinda relationship he desires. But i feel so abandoned. He’s moving 25 minutes away with a friend he’s known for 2 months. He’s constantly pushing me aside for this friend. I know he likes him also know that its not mutual.. I think I’d feel less hurt about being ditched if there was mutual feelings between them, if i knew i (someone who cares for him and his feelings) wasn’t being pushed aside for someone who doesn’t care in the slightest. All i know is i feel more alone than ever and i just don’t know if im missing something here, is there something im maybe not understanding?? Anyone else have experience with anything remotely close?”

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From the inbox #465

“My partner asked me of I were asexual.
I said yes but not like his previous ex.
His response was yelling at me that I’m a liar and a fraud. He told me he doesn’t want to date asexual people and that he can’t trust me anymore.
He them told me it’s over and five minutes later came begging on his knees.
And that’s why acephobia bloody exists.
Now he’s my ex.”

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From the inbox #392

“Howdy. Ive found myself in quite a situation, and i was wondering if you could help? It pertains to me (a fellow ace) and a girl ive had feelings for. She demands too much romantically and sexually and i feel trapped. So i had cut communication with her, and had left. I hear shes heartbroken, but i cant bring myself to go back.”

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From the inbox #338

“Hey there. I’m asexual (but I’m not aro) and I’ve started to give up hope. I broke up with my straight boyfriend, not because of anything he did wrong, but because it just didn’t feel fair to him. I just thought he deserved more than I could give him, even though he objected. I desire a close, happy relationship with no sex involved but I’m just so scared that I am unable to have that and it makes me so sad. Any advice?”

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