From the inbox #669

“I know about asexuality for quite a while now, and sometimes even considered I am, but I was never really sure or just thought: nah, you’re not a real asexual person then. I had sex two times in my life with a person I really trusted, but I just didn’t enjoy it. I never had any bad sexual experiences, but when I think about sex, I start feeling a bit uncomfortable or annoyed about having it myself. I feel like other people are OVERLY interested in anything sexual. I never really understood this “this person is so hot”-concept. No matter what gender or what body it is, but I don’t understand people who get aroused because of nudity. I can find a girl’s face cute and beautiful, but this aesthetic affection is pretty much all. Honestly the one thing that would be arousing for me is only when two people share a deep connection. But I would never want to imagine being in this situation myself. I hope this is not too explicit – however, I do masturbate, but I don’t want to share this with anybody. Other people seem to do. I’ve been in this situation quite a few times and it was always annoying or gross for me. Especially when I was in a relationship and my partner wanted to have sex. French kisses were always disgusting for me. Truth be told, this relationship wasn’t really based on love, more because I wanted to fill a void, and here’s that: What makes me unsure is the fact that I would want to kiss (still no French kisses tho, haha) and a bit more if I would find a person I am really close to. I just don’t know if sex would ever feel good for me. It was never a big part of my life, and I guess many people have been told “you just haven’t found the right person yet”. Thing is, I really don’t know if that’s true in my case. I am looking for a person I can truly love and connect with, so maybe I am really asexual, or well maybe just demisexual. I don’t know, really. What do you guys think about that?”

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From the inbox #667

CW: Sexual talk, mentioning of rape

“Hello, I identify as Autochorissexual. As a result I am a proud virgin. My entire life I have been 100% repulsed by any form of sexual behaviour, and am not attracted to the human body, although I do experience arousal through specific obscure fantasies. I recently met an amazing person who has identical fantasies, but as I learned is very obsessed with sex. I thought I could be what she needs as I assumed the fantasies could be enough to help me achieve orgasm. However each attempt at a sexual act upon me, regardless of the adequate fantasy outcomes felt like the worst experience I’ve ever had. Despite consent, I felt violated, filthy and embarassed. I never achieved orgasm, and all I wanted was for them to leave. I felt like no amount of showers could erase the memories that bring me fear and sadness resulting from that night. I never wanted those experiences, but now they haunt me. I am unsure of what to say if my partner wishes to try again, because I know I will never be what she needs. I’m not ashamed to be Asexual, but the truth of what I cannot be for others is what weighs me down. I have nobody that understands my position and feelings. So therefore nobody to turn to. What do I say if she wants to try again? How do I convince the poor woman that it was not her fault? Am I crazy?”

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From the inbox #504

CW: Explicit sex talk

“Hi. I consider myself a panromantic asexual. I’m sex repulsed sometimes in that i often get anxiety attacks from penis and vagina penetrative sex and also oral sex performed by or on me.
I do worry that people judge me because i like to be a tease but then don’t “put out”. It boosts my self esteem and gives me an energy boost to know someone finds me sexy. I nearly always wear low cut tops.

I like to do sensual things with my partners that turn them on and i like knowing when they are sexually gratified. But It doesn’t turn me on or make me horny, but it makes me happy.

When in polyamorous or open relationships i love hearing about my partner’s sexploits or kink escapades and find i sorta live vicariously through that. It’s almost disappointing when they don’t have a experience to tell me about.

If i do get horny (usually just random every few months) i masturbate but don’t like the idea of having sex to quell the horniness

Enjoy play wrestling and tickling and ropes in the kink sense but the enjoyment stops as soon as it becomes sexual. (I know kink and sex are not one in the same)

Am i safe to consider myself asexual confidently? Or should i be looking for other terms?”

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From the inbox #503

“I’m a 17-year-old girl and so far I have never experienced any kind of attraction for anyone and I don’t really feel any desire to pursue a relationship with someone. Honestly I don’t mind not feeling attraction to anyone right now, but sometimes I wish I could get those “butterflies” my friends get when they like someone” when they have a crush. Despite not being interested in love, when it comes to fictional stories (in books, series, movies etc.) I absolutely love romance. I like thinking about two characters building a strong bond between them, caring for one another, having sex and so on. I like to imagine it as some sort of “everlasting unconditional love”. But when it comes to real life, I could never picture myself having that, I can’t see myself having that type of bond with someone. Maybe I’m just skeptical, when I think about divorces, break-ups or not genuine relationships it makes me believe that that sort of connection is not possible in real life at all. Perhaps that’s the reason why I like shipping fictional characters, in my mind that love lasts forever.”

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From the inbox #328

“So I’m a sex-indifferent ace and found this out through having sex previously. But I have a question, if anyone else can relate. Has anyone occasionally had vividly sexual dreams where you and this imaginary partner go through the motions of initiating sex and through the whole time you are enjoying it and feel, what I presume, what allos feel? Then you wake up and you’re just like “well that was weird”. Could this be a sign of demisexuality? I’ve considered the possibility of being demi previously, I just never felt that way toward someone to confirm it. But would definitely like to have that question answered as well.”

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From the inbox #321

“Is it weird if you’re sex repulsed and hate being touched but you have sex dreams and want to kiss people….. And then when you actually get the change to kiss someone, you do it but instantly regret it?”

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From the inbox #261

“I’ve been dating my girlfriend for quite some time. We met because we were both asexual, and it took off from there. However, the longer I’m with her, the less asexual she seems. She’s very sexual, and usually tries to turn a simple kiss into a lot more. Originally, she had told me she was repulsed by the idea of sex. I’m very flexible, but only if my partner were to really want any kind of sexual favors. She used to say her friends would bring up sex, and she would cringe. Now, she can talk my ear off about her sexual fantasies. I’ve confronted her on the amount of sexual desires she has, and she says it’s all talk. Does she sound asexual? Help?”

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From the inbox #259

“Would like some help from the ace community that does like dating and romance. I feel confused about a situation: there is a lady I find myself thinking about more than usual, a feeling of wanting to be with her, look at her while she does random stuff. Also found myself thinking of her having walks on the beach and candlelight dinners, but with another lady instead of me. while this is a step further than how l usually think of humans, Should it supposed to be like thinking myself into my own thoughts about being romantic? And are there others who have this way of thinking?”

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From the inbox #241

“how do you cope with dreams/day dreams/fantasies of sexual encounters but the actual idea of doing anything to act upon those thoughts bores/disappoints you”

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From the inbox #145

“Hi everybody! Just wanted to share with you a piece of myself.
I’m autochorissexual – I enjoy porn and masturbating (not often, maybe once or twice a month), but when I imagine someone doing things to me… yeah, no. I was on exactly one date and kissed him few times during it. I decided it’s not something I enjoy.
I’m aromantic. I never was in love or had a crush, the closest thing was when at the age of 10 or so a classmate asked me who I like and I answered with a name of the prettiest guy in my class grin emoticon
I’m a loner. I don’t form long lasting relationships because I don’t often innitiate conversation. When I was at school I latched on one classmate and stuck with them most of the time. When prompted/invited I socialize with bigger group but I have to have someone famililiar nearby because I’m like “What I’m supposed to talk about? I’m not interested in boys, make up or other girly things”.
Right now I’m alone and I’m good.
Just wish my family would stop asking about boyfriend/friend/life outside internet.
Thanks for everyone who read this.”

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