From the inbox #1321

“Hey there, I was wondering if I could get some advice.
My husband has come out as asexual recently, and our marriage is fairly new. We’ve decided to keep things open on my end so I can still have my physical needs met.
He’s my best friend, but I’m having trouble getting over the awkwardness of sleeping with someone else while married. How do I feel less guilty?”

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From the inbox #1261

TW: Coercion mentioned

“I’m an extremely sexual demi (once I have sexual attraction, I’m in the mood almost all the time), and am dating someone who appears to be somewhere under our lovely ace umbrella. He describes himself as “basically asexual”, but doesn’t care for utilizing an actual label (which is fine, obviously).
The problem comes in where I’ve never dated someone who was ace-spectrum. And neither has he. He’s expressed on numerous occasions that his entire history of sexual experience involves regularly being forced/coerced/guilted into sex. He’s also said that he’s not sex-repulsed, and sometimes even enjoys sex, but doesn’t care for it enough to ever initiate. For me, if he were sex repulsed I’d be okay never engaging sexually at all. But knowing he’s sometimes okay with it makes me really want to have a sexual relationship, even if it only happens once every 50 years. How do I proceed while being respectful of his feelings? I don’t want him to feel pressured by me attempting to initiate, but at the same time he has said he will never initiate it himself.
Tl;dr: My potentially gray-ace bf stated he sometimes likes sex but will never initiate. How do I proceed in a way that won’t make him feel pressured? And also in a way that won’t make him feel like other forms of affection (kissing, etc) are just being used to get sex (because they are not, I love him to death and enjoy every second with him, sexual or not)?”

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From the inbox #1131

“Hey, I’m sure you get this question a lot, but I’m having trouble with making my ace partner feel okay about being ace. She feels bad because “she can’t give me something I want” but I don’t know how to tell her it’s not important to me (I might be somewhat demi, but have no idea). Do you guys have any suggestions or able to point me in the right direction to find some?”

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From the inbox #1099

“My apologies for messaging you from my naughty page but I would like to thank you for the awareness you create. Please look past the smut on my page and see this message for what it is, an outreach for advice. I would like to find out if you have advice for someone that’s extremely sexual (me, as evident by this profile 🤦🏻‍♂️) dating a non sexual person (my boyfriend) We have been together for 16 years now and sex has always been a struggle because he couldn’t place his “sexuality” About 10 years ago he self identified as Asexual and it gave me a bit more of an understanding. Having been without sex for most of the 16 years, especially since he identified as Asexual has become a very difficult hurdle in my life. Before then he made concerted efforts to be sexually involved in some manner but then it all died. We have spoken about it numerous times. I have expressed my feelings and he has done so with his… I have never cheated on him, the main reason for this explicit profile, but it really is turning into a major struggle for me, to the point where I am now considering cheating on him. He knows about my successful porn accounts and he does encourage it. But it has come to a point where I am craving sexual intimacy with a person instead of a fleshjack or my hand. I am sorry if this is way too forward of me or if I reached out to the wrong group. As I said, I’m simply looking for advice to better understand and save my relationship with the love of my life.”

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From the inbox #1055

“Saw a friend like this page and thought I’d take a look because I’m in need of some advice/help. Sorry if this is long, but need to provide context.

I, a heterosexual male, have been in a relationship with, in my opinion, the most wonderful woman on this world for a few years now. She’s been open to the idea of a relationship but various factors in her life, a lot of them medical related, left her feeling hesitant on progressing into a more intimate one.

I’ve been doing my best to give her the time and space she needs; I always ask if she’s doing alright or if I need to back off when we cuddle, she quickly put a stop on me asking if it was okay to kiss her, and I’ve done my best to not pressure her till almost a month ago when I said to her something along the lines of “I know we’re still a long ways off from having sex, but how far is too far for you?”

She responded that she wasn’t sure if she would ever be fully comfortable with even the idea of having sex ever.” I’d be lying if I said that didn’t disappoint me, and she probably picked up on that, but I love her and willing to deal. Well after that she did a lot of thinking and came to the realization that her hesitancies on getting into an intimate relationship isn’t due to germ avoidance from her medical issues, but that she’s asexual.

So to actually get to the point, she thinks we should break up because she doesn’t believe she’s capable of fulfilling my needs in a relationship, but wants me to actually make the decision since, according to her, “It affects you the most.”

I love and deeply care about her, but I’m afraid that despite her saying she still loves me as well, that she won’t actually accept me wanting to continue our relationship since she’ll feel like I should be with someone else. But I’m also afraid that if we don’t continue our relationship that over time we’ll drift apart, especially if I find someone else, and if that happens that she’ll finally let her medical conditions get the best of her and take a turn for the worst, since her family can’t stop talking about how much better she’s been doing since I’ve entered her life.

TL:DR version, long time girlfriend recently figured out she’s asexual, doesn’t think our relationship can work out due to how physically intimate I tend to be, but wants me to make the decision, I’m certain I love her enough to make it work, but at a lost on just what to do.”

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From the inbox #977

“Okay, so ive been curious about all the different parts of asexuality and what they are exactly, id rather ask people who are asexual instead of looking it up because there’s only so much that’s accurate. I’ve been curious because i think my boyfriend might be asexual in a way, because he says that he doesn’t like having penetrative sex because it just is weird to him and i just want to understand that more so i don’t make him uncomfortable.”

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From the inbox #906

“I know sometimes you guys are helpfull for things like this.
Me and my fiancee have currently been seperated by distance and shes ace im very much not so and thats ok but lately ive been feeling unwanted in a sexual way due to the distance the military has put on us due to her training and it wasnt a problem before we had sex regularly but with the distance its hard to cope sense outside of sex she feels no lust for me and telling her how i feel leads to her feeling like theres somthing wrong with her is there anyway i can cope to make the distance easier on both of us”

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From the inbox #880

“I’m a panromantic pansexual that really is attracted to aces all the time… I mean, once you realise that having tea, watching anime, cuddling with the other person and just talking about anything there’s nothing that could beat that feeling… Especially talking ! I dunno aces always sound so damn intelligent you just can have a conversation with them about litteraly anything, from history to the toughest mathematics and they’ll always leave you speechless like “wow that person’s so clever I just wanna stare at them and keep listening” so yeah out of the record I’m more than a supporter and have tried to support the ace society ever since meeting the first person that introduced me to the whole ace thing and explained to me what it is and everything. As for the latest post about whoever told you people that you are disfunctional, they don’t know a thing ! You are not disfunctional at all ! You’re all fine and should be waking up each day smiling, knowing that you are yourselves ! 😊

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