From the inbox #821

“So I’ve always had the notion of being poly, because I feel the same affection towards everyone, because I love everyone, but in different ways and at different levels. I’ve had alot of relationships that I have quickly regretted going into, after realising I wasn’t all that into this person. I’m coming to the realisation that perhaps, it is platonic love, and that is why this is happening to me. I’m demi-pansexual but I don’t necessarily have to love someone, my emotional bond can be something like a really good friendship bond. But I’m starting to wonder, and I aromantic? I’ve been questioning this since I read a post about aros being able to be a hopeless romantic, and we’ll I’ve always been told “you want a wedding not a marriage” maybe I’m attaching myself onto people quickly because I feel a need to experience my “happy ever after” I’m sorry I’m rambling, but I’d like some advice please.
I’ve spoken to my partner about this, he’s part of the spectrum too so he’s very understanding.

I’ve also, never really felt that mushy love, the joy of being by one person all the time. But I can commit to people, I put so much effort into people, but I struggle to find a benefit of mine that isn’t a safety blanket and a friend.”

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From the inbox #807

“As a question for my open-minded friends as well as myself, how do Aromantic relationships work? I would love to know to be able to understand this better as a person.

Also, what is the full difference between NB and Agender? Again I would love to fully understand this so I can be a better person.


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From the inbox #743

“I’m not asexual but I am on the spectrum and looking for advice.

So I’m going through a dilemma in my current relationship. I’m very much a demisexual while my boyfriend is aromantic heterosexual. We’ve been best friends for three years, dating for two. He’s very sexual but I need a very strong bond with a person before I can even consider it. Even then I don’t always desire it or really enjoy it all that much.

We’ve always had constant struggles but right now I’m having a hard time keeping an emotional connection with him due to the lack of “romance” if you will. Resulting in me losing my attraction to him. This isn’t the first time either. I should add we are now long distance and he works nights so we don’t get to communicate much.

I’ve tried to explain to him how I feel but he still believes everything is fine. That I’m just over thinking it. I don’t really know what to do. I don’t know if we can rekindle our relationship or if we should just be friends.”

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From the inbox #682

“Hiya, so I’m pretty sure one of my friends is aromantic. She told me she feels weird because she’s never had a crush on anyone. She says she just doesn’t think of people like that. I don’t wanna bring up that she may be aro because she comes from a Christian family and they don’t accept LGBT people very much. So if I were to bring it up, she would tell her family and they wouldn’t let us hang out. I mean, Im gay, they’re fine with that because I’m not their daughter. I don’t really think they know actually because they don’t speak English. But if she is, i want her to that she is instead of thinking she’s weird or broken. I also don’t want her to not be able to hang out with me because I “turned her against God’s ways”. Do you have any advice
Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes”

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From the inbox #671

CW: damaging relationship

“I’ve gone through my fair share of break ups, but for some reason the most recent breakup, which happened in November, is hitting me particularly hard. You see, I work in the same building as him and his new girlfriend but the details aren’t important…

I fell in love with a sociopath. I feel so damaged from him after only being together 2 months. We clicked so well and it felt meant to be, but apparently I was just meant to be a temporary fling. I dont feel romantic attraction at all anymore and I’m having a hard time trusting others. I’m in counseling and on medication, but for some reason I just hurt more than usual. I’m asexual and also have autism spectrum disorder. Are there any words of healing or advice for getting over a sociopath/damaging relationship? Just some words of kindness and encouragement would go a long way. Thank you.”

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From the inbox #670

“As I’ve learned from following this blog (and my own experiences); it’s possible to be asexual but still enjoy sexual experiences, either by themselves or with others. By extension then, is it possible for an aromantic to enjoy romantic experiences or gestures?

Ex. My friend just said “oh so-and-so isn’t aromantic because i buy them flowers all the time and they really enjoy it.”

If you are aromantic, what types of romantic experiences do you enjoy, if any?”

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From the inbox #635

“Hi (sorry this is long), i’m just a little confused and I guess I would like other people’s input on this because I never get a chance to talk about this with anyone. I am most certainly asexual, no doubt about that, and I am pretty sure I am aromantic as well. I have had one close call, but i’ve never been in an official relationship before. I would like to try dating at least once because i’m curious, but I feel like the feelings I would have would be just super platonic mixed with finding someone aestheically beautiful. I feel like the chances of me finding someone who is also ace and aro is so slim. I guess I’m just second-guessing labelling myself as aromantic because the daydreamy part of me still wants this unrealistic perfect relationship and because of that I guess I still try to convince myself that I have romantic feelings somewhere, but I know that in reality I don’t do romance, and hearing about other people’s romantic relationships just puts me off. I enjoy when people that I find aesthetically beautiful compliment me and give me emotional attention, so I think i’m confusing that feeling of wanting them to appriciate me with genuine romantic attraction, but i’m so second-guessy that I don’t feel confident labelling myself. Any advice? And can aromantic people still be in relationships with romantic people but just experience different feelings?”

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From the inbox 629

“My friend heard today from our mutual acquaintance that aroaces who are in relationships for whatever reason (be it taxes or just a very deep not romantic bond) make exactly zero sense and it really got her down. I think she could handle the message alone but it was said in kinda rude way. I’d like to ask other ace (and aroace especially!) people to give her some hugs and loving because she totally deserves that. And maybe some advice how to handle remarks or buddies like that.”

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From the inbox #526

“So I have known I am asexual for a while, but I just found out a label for it in recent years. I’ve felt pretty lonely for a while, and I’m starting to feel like relationships aren’t for me. I’m not sure if I’m aromantic or not and now suddenly there are quite a few people interested in me. I’m starting to realize that I’ve never really felt comfortable in relationships. I’ve never really liked kissing anyone, but I love talking to people and cuddling. So what is everyone’s advice on this? And I was asked to go to dinner and watch movies this weekend, I want to go but I don’t want to break their heart by not wanting a relationship. I don’t know what to do..”

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From the inbox #503

“I’m a 17-year-old girl and so far I have never experienced any kind of attraction for anyone and I don’t really feel any desire to pursue a relationship with someone. Honestly I don’t mind not feeling attraction to anyone right now, but sometimes I wish I could get those “butterflies” my friends get when they like someone” when they have a crush. Despite not being interested in love, when it comes to fictional stories (in books, series, movies etc.) I absolutely love romance. I like thinking about two characters building a strong bond between them, caring for one another, having sex and so on. I like to imagine it as some sort of “everlasting unconditional love”. But when it comes to real life, I could never picture myself having that, I can’t see myself having that type of bond with someone. Maybe I’m just skeptical, when I think about divorces, break-ups or not genuine relationships it makes me believe that that sort of connection is not possible in real life at all. Perhaps that’s the reason why I like shipping fictional characters, in my mind that love lasts forever.”

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