From the inbox #646

“So, I have identified as asexual, biromantic, and agender for over a year now, but recently I’m starting to question if I might also be somewhere on the aro spectrum, because romance just doesn’t appeal to me, and looking back, I’m not sure if it ever actually did, or if I just dated because I felt other attraction to people and didn’t realize that aromantics actually exist. I’m just struggling to differentiate platonic, sensual, and romantic feelings, and it’s pretty confusing. I like kissing, so sensual attraction is absolutely there, but everything else is just a big question mark right now. Cupioromantic is the term that currently sticks out to me most. Any input, advice, resources, or similar experiences anyone could share with me to help me figure this part of me out, that would be amazing.”

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From the inbox #237

“Hi! I would like to share my story with you guys, or at least as much as there is currently. I’d also like to remain anonymous, as I’m not out to my family really.
I am an agender(and I guess technically transfeminine, as I use the feminine pronouns that I have used since birth) asexual who just recently realized that I was asexual, and who is in a polyamorous relationship.
From what I’ve found online, many allosexual people seem to think that polyamory and asexuality are complete opposites, when that isn’t the case.
Polyamory means “many loves”, and while sex is part of it, it’s not the main thing like some assume.
For us, our relationship is this:
My boyfriend is the polyamorous one, and his other girlfriend and I are monogamous. We don’t have any romantic or sexual interaction with each other, but we both interact with our boyfriend. She helps me raise the two kids I’ve had with our boyfriend, and I help her with whatever she needs help with, as long as it’s not sexual.
Not many people in our families know that we’re in a poly, and even less know that I’m asexual. And that’s fine. As the world (hopefully) becomes more open to things, maybe then I’ll find a reason to tell them. Until then, I’m perfectly fine with letting my family and most of my friends assume that I am a binary, sometimes sexual person, because honestly? What I do behind closed doors is none of their business. As long as my kids are cared for and happy, and I’m happy, that’s all that should matter, right?”

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From the inbox #214

“I have a question that I’ve been debating on and I’d appreciate some advice. I’m a writer, or I aspire to be, and I have a story that focuses three main characters. Each has their own history/backstory, their own personality, their own goals, and their own story arcs that intersect and build on each other. The part I’m hesitant about is that one character is asexual, one is aromantic, and another is agender. The focus of the story isn’t on these aspects, no more than it is on the color of their hair or of their shoes, but I don’t identify as any of these labels and I’m worried about showing disrespect. I have a few people I was going to approach on Tumblr, as advisers/references, but I wanted to see what you thought.”

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From the inbox #208

“I am an aro-ace, and I’m a professional actress and I am doing a part that the description is of an asexual , agender. I’m really having trouble understanding agender and what they go through. I really need some stories of how they’re portrayed or what struggles they go through daily. I’m also looking for stories of people that work in group homes or safe places for the LGBT people to get acceptance/assistance. As I said I’m an Aro-Ace but I would like to accurately portray the character. Also, my character uses they/them… I’m wondering how people tell what pronouns they use and how they feel when someone mis-labels them. This character was born female but in her 30s decides to go with they-them. Can I also ask if there’s any particular “signs” of someone being agender? How do they dress, do they face bathroom issues like trans people? I’m really trying to figure out what I need to make this character real. Please help. Thanks!”

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From the inbox #181

“I’d like to ask all the genderfluid lovelies what restroom do they use whenever they don’t identify as a male or female? Do they still use the one that matches their biological gender or a family restroom if available? Just wondering since we’ve had all this restroom legislation going on lately
This also could be a good question for agendered as well”

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From the inbox #165

“Life is too confusing for me right now. S for as far as I know (currently) I’m asexual, aromantic (still questioning this, idk relationships scare me and I don’t know how to be in one) and agender. These might change later in my life but for now that’s all I know. If any of you guys have suggestions or any tips at all please let me know!

So let me expand on this topic just a bit, because I feel this is important to my identity and who I am as a person. I’ve been definitely not into sex for as long as I’ve known, hated french kissing, and thought I was demisexual for a long while until I figured out that I really didn’t like nor care for the idea of sexual attraction or sex all together.
Now the Aromantic thing is still in questioning. Mainly because I am a sucker for romantic cliches….but only when they happen to others if that makes any sense. While in relationships I find myself to not be a very good partner because I don’t like PDA that much (although I don’t mind it when I see it if that makes sense because I could care less) and I never was one to believe in love for me. Now before you guys go saying ‘oh how could you say that, you haven’t meet the right one yet’ or whatever let me tell you. I’ve had my share of guys (and girls at some point) and I really wasn’t into the whole romance thing either. I do experience crushes from time to time but I really don’t see myself being with said person. It just doesn’t work out well in my mind and so I may be aesthetically attracted to them it doesn’t mean I necessarily want to be with them.
Moving on to the Agender aspect. I really started to feel this way at the beginning of last summer and was questioning it. When I went swimming I didn’t like wearing bikinis and wasn’t all to comfortable in them. At the time it was still in questioning. During the time when school started I reached out to online communities to help me through this all and figured out that I am Agender. I don’t like feminine or masculine pronouns and I prefer non binary ones, however if you do mistakenly call me by those I can’t stop you. I don’t mind it but I don’t like it if that makes any sense.
Basically at this point I’m pretty much not into anything romantic, sexual, or gender wise. Who knows though, I might change my ways. I know that I shouldn’t be so eager to define myself while I’m still figuring it out, but regardless it would be much appreciated for help. If you made it to the end then thank you ^_^ ”

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From the inbox #155

“So I’m asexual and also agender(puberty was really hard in me; I remember when it happen thinking,”This is so unfair, why didn’t I get a choice…”).I have been trying to find ways to physically change my body to reflect who I am.issues being: female genitalia are very difficult and expensive to well get work done on(as in removed,) and I haven’t found any non gender sexual hormone replacements…I don’t even know if they exist/could exist. If any one has any helpful knowledge about this sort of thing I would welcome it immensely!”

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From the inbox #149

“A few months ago, I told my mom that I am an agendered demipanromantic asexual. She didn’t seem to care much about the demipan part but since that day, anytime I try to talk to her about me being asexual (and agendered), she looks at me as if in pity. She thinks I’m “going through a phase” because I was abused by my brother when I was little. I try to explain that I’ve always been an ace but she insists she knows my thoughts and feelings more than I. She knows I prefer “they”, but she acts as if it’s a crime to use it in font of people and refers to me by my sex. She says she supports me but the way she treats these topics is breaking me and just when I think it’s okay to talk with her about it like normal humans, she gets all sad and it’s like… why? Why are you sad that I’m not sexually attracted to people? I’m agendered because I don’t want to be defined by my genitals, thank you. Biologically I am female, and I have a girlfriend. Even though she didn’t seem to care about me being a demipanromantic, I fear telling her about it. It’s one thing to say you accept someone’s orientation, it’s another to actually do so. Please help me…”

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From the inbox #138

“For three years, I have been happily asexual, aromantic, agender and no-contact (I don’t like people hugging me, but I am ok to hug people in certain situations). Content with my plans to not have another relationship, I haven’t been seeking one out… But then I met the most wonderful agender person… They’re smart, caring, happy, charming and I am properly smitten. My issue here is that they know that I’m no-contact and ace. I’m trying not to think ahead and wonder what would happen if we ever did form a relationship, but right now I don’t know how to broach the subject – if they know I’m ace and no-contact, how do I let them know that I’m open to the idea with them without being too full-on? (Not 100% sure that they are interested in me, though we’ve been spending a lot of time together recently). They’re very huggie, and I would be happy to at least try hugging them… But they know I’m not huggie, so they haven’t tried, out of respect to me! Any advice would be much appreciated, as we’re both a little awkward around each other and I can’t figure out how to subtley bring this up!”

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