Tag: advice

From the inbox #1357

“Hey there!
I just wanted to ask for some advice? I’ve found myself in a bit of a situation and I’m not very sure how to deal with it.
I’m an admin for our local LGBT+ Group, and every now and then we all meet up to discuss fundraisers and whatnot.
One of the girls on the admin team has asked me out on a date, which I’ve already politely declined because I’m quite happy being by myself, and a couple of other personal things that mean I’m just not in a place to commit to anyone like that :’)
She understood the situation, but keeps insisting on taking me on the date?
She’s been very forward about her sexuality, but it’s becoming a bit uncomfortable because she’s also very forward about how much of a sexual person she is too… Which I most definitely am not 😅
We’re meant to be having another group meeting in the week, but part of me is too scared to go because I don’t want to hurt her feelings and I don’t want things to be awkward :’)
Do you have any advice? I’m a bit stuck 😅“

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From the inbox #1332

“I’m demi and I think I may have trauma-bonded with someone I do activism work with and now I’m attracted to them, has this ever happened to anyone else? I haven’t told them because I don’t want to fuck up our work – tbh I just want it to go away cuz I feel really awkward around them now. Anyone else have similar experience or any suggestions?”

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From the inbox #1308

“I have a friend/ex that I still hookup with from time to time. When we dated it was just assumed that I was straight. I had an idea that I might be ace before dating him, but then we had sex and I guessed that maybe I really was just straight. In the time that we’ve been broken up and hooking up I’ve come to more strongly identify as ace (uncertain on gray or demi, but defo ace) and sex-favorable/neutral. I’m not out, but I kinda wanna come out to him so he can understand. And for some reason I feel like I should since he is a partner of sorts. Should I come out or just continue as is? I honestly don’t think it would change anything, he’s pretty allo and he’d probably still just be glad we could have sex lol I was a virgin when we started dating and he handled that pretty well when I told him. Just anxious in gen on whether he will believe me because I’ve been pretty open with him in doing and about sexy fun time things. I know action doesn’t equal attraction, but I dunno if he does. I have no problem dropping him if he doesn’t tho! Still, I dunno whether to come out or not.”

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From the inbox #1256

“So I’ve been following this page for awhile and it’s really helped me figure some things out. I haven’t posted anything here at all because I haven’t told my family or friends about being ace. But I think I want to change that.
Long story short, I just came out to the first person ever as gray-asexual. He was very understanding and respectful. We’re coworkers, and I feel this experience has actually strengthened our friendship.
But now I feel like I should come out to at least some friends and/or family, at the very least my twin sister as she’s the most important person on the planet to me.
Do you all have any advice for coming out to loved ones? Anything that would be good to know before I do this? It makes me really scared to think about and I’m afraid I’m going to cry the whole time.”

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From the inbox #1251

“so I recently realized I’m nonbinary and I’m trying to figure out a creative/joking/sarcastic/punny way to come out to my family, but I can’t think of any. I’m honestly thinking of sending them a link that just says what to do when your child comes out as genderqueer, but I’m not sure it’s sarcastic enough for me. Please help, thank you! Also here’s the link I wanna send:”

Link

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From the inbox #1224

“Hello everyone. This is not my normal approach to brainstorming solutions to my problems but I am out of ideas. So here goes. If I am to identify as anything it would definitely be asexual, panromantic, often going between sex repulsed and sex indifferent (now I hope I got all that right, it not my intent to offend anyone, I am new to all of this). Anyways, I am in a relationship with someone I really love, she is a very sexual being, but she is also very respectful to my feelings. My question is does anyone have any advice as to how we keep this relationship strong, I don’t want her to just be respectful of me and avoid sex, I want to be respectful to her and engage in sexual activities on a somewhat regular basis. Is this possible or am I just being hopeful. Anything I can do to increase it from like once a month/every six weeks to maybe two times a month?”

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From the inbox #1222

“Recently within the past year or so I’ve figured out that I’m panromantic demisexual. I’ve had an easier time coming to terms that I’m panromantic vs me being demisexual. Some days I have a difficult time feeling that my sexuality is valid because of how invisible pans are and how much discourse there is for aces while other days I’m rather confident in feeling valid. Feeling invalid takes over more times than I’d like and I’m not even sure what to do about it. I really don’t have any friends that identify with what I do to help so it just makes the feeling of invalidity a bit worse. There’s also not too many people (celebrity wise) that I can look up to that’s pan aside from Deadpool and Brenden Urie.
Does anyone have any advice as to what I can do to feel valid?”

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From the inbox #1201

“Hi, I was wondering if anyone can give me their opinion on this.
My boyfriend of two years has just cheated on me but I don’t feel anything about it. We’re at the stage where we’re looking for our first flat together so we’re currently living apart. I’ve moved home to live with my parents in the interim and we’ve been phoning/ video calling every day.
We have the kind of relationship where if he wants sex I usually give it to him and it’s not a problem. If I say no he respects that.
A few days ago he told me he met a random woman on a train, she turned out to be a prostitiute, he went back with her and did the do because he was missing having sex so much. It had been a week since we last slept together.
So my problem is I don’t feel betrayed or angry because it’s just sex. It’s not like he knew this woman or was in a romantic affair with her. It’s not something I would consider breaking up over either, it seems such a small thing to me because it was only the act of sex without any romantic involvement.
So my question is what do you guys think of his behaviour? And my reaction to it?
Anon”

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From the inbox #1196

“I don’t know if I’m suppose to ask for advice in this way, or not but I need some advice when it comes to a girl I’ve had a crush for a little over four years, I developed a crush on her in the middle of sophomore year of high school (before I realized I was asexual) while I was being bullied heavily at the time, she tried to help me with the situation but I pushed her away by ignoring her in order to keep her safe from the bullies which only led to rocky second half of sophomore year, fast forward to junior year’s beginning, I mostly left her alone due to me not having classes with her, and to give her a break after the bad stuff that happened sophomore year, but our friends found out about my crush on her, and started playing pranks on us which led to us just staying distant for the duration of junior year. Then senior year starts, and we become friends again, and I mentioned the fact that I don’t have any desire for sex with anyone, and she suggests I might be asexual so I looked into it, and determined that I am asexual, my depression also goes away as a result of me becoming friends with her again, but then sadly senior year came to an end once we graduated. Now, fast forward two years to now, and my depression has returned, and become much worse, we are both in college(we both attend the same college, but I’m a semester or two ahead of her due to her being in the National Guard, and having to do military related stuff since we graduated) but haven’t talked since this most recent November, and I want to ask her for help with my depression, and maybe talk to her more, and maybe develop a romantic relationship with her, but I don’t know how to go about it, she knows I’m asexual, and seems to like that characteristic of me, and won’t let anyone bother me about it, and knows I have a crush on her, but she is bisexual, and I’m not sure if she would want a relationship with me, I’ve never lost feelings for her(I have no desire for sex with her though), and I haven’t developed feelings for any other girl since falling in love with her. Plus, she makes me really happy. Our personalities are similar for the most part, but I’m just nervous about everything between me and her especially after the awkward sophomore, junior years of high school. If I have to, I might just stay close friends with her. I just need advice on how to talk to her more, and finally fix this situation.”

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