From the inbox #829

“any advice on being a sex repulsed teenager in high school?
as anyone who has suffered through high school knows, it’s full of sex. all the rumors are about sex, and who fucked who, and it makes me want to vomit. even people in my friend group are frick fracking and pipping the diddly do and i find it extremely gross to the point where i don’t really want to be friends with them anymore. i know that’s probably messed up but they don’t understand that i don’t want to hear about it or even know it happened at all. i don’t want to make the feel bad for doing what they enjoy but this is really tough on me.”

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From the inbox #783

From the inbox:

“Hi, I’m sex repulsed. The idea of sex terrifies me. I’m a 23, soon to be 24 year old male. Virgin. Before I discovered I was Asexual and before I discovered the Asexual community this fact really used to worry me. I’d seriously lose sleep over it. I would become upset that I wasn’t having sex and not knowing how to have sex and the fact I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of sex. . Now I’m okay with the idea of not having sex.
. I’m worried that when I enter a relationship sex will be a massive issue. I don’t want sex. Full stop. Kissing and cuddling is brilliant but sex itself? No. I’ve heard of lots of Asexual people being broken up with because of sex. I’ve not been in a relationship in five years and I doubt I’ll be in one soon so this isn’t an immediate problem but still…

Advice?”

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From the inbox #754

“I work at an office that is mostly women, ranging ages 24-60. I have a good relationship with all my superiors, because I’m friendly, happy to lend a hand wherever I’m needed, willing to do work no one else wants to do, a great multitasker, etc. I’ve been there a little less than a year, and I’m outshining a few of the long-time employees, and refusing to do their work for them to make them look good. So one of them has started a rumor that I’m having sex with one of my supervisors to earn special treatment. I’ve already started the necessary steps to open a case for her creating a hostile work environment, which the company takes very seriously, but can’t mention it because I heard about the rumor from a tertiary source, not myself or from a friend.

So, my question is this: if I have to face the people doing the investigation that will certainly come of this, even being totally innocent of her accusations, how should I proceed? Is it a good idea to mention being asexual if they seem to disbelieve my denial of the rumor having any truth?
(note: this company also has a lot of respect for LGBT rights, but I’m uncertain of their knowledge on the +)

Can anyone offer any other advice for this situation? I haven’t had to deal with a rumor this nasty since high school, and this time it was started by a woman in her late 50’s.

Thanks in advance!”

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From the inbox #697

“So I could really use some advice, or at least some input, in regards to a situation. I’m a heteroromantic asexual female, and I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for over a year. I came out to him as asexual twice in a way, once early on when I admitted that I didn’t notice physical attractiveness, and the other time officially, about 5 or 6 months into our relationship. He took it well, and over time I’ve been able to educate him about asexuality. Well, not too long ago, he asked me if he could tell his closest friends about me being asexual. I was super hesitant, since I’ve only met his friends via voice chat once, and know nothing about their general views of the LGBT+ community. He got upset with me, and started talking about how I should tell my family about being asexual eventually, even if it’s after I move out. I got upset with him, and told him why I’d never tell my family(they’re a bit homophobic and highly transphobic, so really not safe people to be out to). I explained that coming out to someone put me in a very vulnerable position, that I always had to proceed with caution, and that I’ve gotten burned before, hence my caution and my reason for trying to gauge people first. He started apologizing to me, and admitted he didn’t realize how private me being asexual really was, and that he’d told people without me knowing. Not his close friends, but his oldest sister and some people he works with at his summer job. His sister guessed I was asexual during one of their conversations and he merely confirmed it since he didn’t want to lie. As for his coworkers, he works at a place that is very open towards sexuality, so when he asked a few questions about asexuality, people were able to figure out he knew someone who’s asexual, and again, not wanting to lie he’d confirm it. I’ve only met his sister in person once and his roommate(who’s girlfriend is also asexual) via a skype chat(we’re a long distance relationship, so most of our chats are via skype). While I’ve forgiven him, I felt completely and utterly terrified when he told me this. I was crying and started to shut down on him I got so overwhelmed. He started crying when he realized how much he hurt me, and it basically was a cry fest for a bit until we managed to calm each other down. I’ve forgiven him and I still love him, but I guess I’m wondering is, how to handle this. This whole mess was a result of him wanting someone to be able to talk to about me being asexual, and me not really mentioning how much in the closet I really am. I never made a big deal out of being asexual, after coming out, heck I’ve shared a few things from this page with him. I don’t want to prevent him from being able to talk to someone if he needs to(one of my good friends is bisexual and the two of us talk about LGBT+ stuff a lot, which is really nice since there really isn’t anyone else I can talk to who is also part of it), but after this, I almost don’t want him to tell his friends, however I already said he could if he gauges their views first. So basically, any advice for dealing with this mess or moving past it?”

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From the inbox 571

“I’m such an idiot, I need some advice. Okay, so after my boyfriend and I started dating I kissed another guy, I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal or like it should be but to me it really is. It’s been two years already and I feel like I need to tell him but I can’t, I’m just too scared. Every time I try to plan it out or envision it in my mind I have a panic/anxiety attack. I just don’t know what to do.”

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From the inbox 568

“My girlfriend is an Ace and she’s sex repulsed, and I completely respect all her boundaries and what she’s comfortable with and what she isn’t, I love her more than anything and would never do anything she didn’t want me to. And recently we started to play around with things and she told me she was loving it and wanted to keep exploring, etc and I kept checking that she was sure that it’s what she wanted and she kept telling me yes. But now she’s wanted to stop so we have. But she tells me that no matter what, after any sort of sexual act she starts to hate herself and feel guilty. She said no matter how much she enjoys it and wants it, she always ends up hating herself. I was just wondering if I could get some advice on it and if there’s anything that could be done to help her not feel that way because she wanted to do these things but yet she falls into this state. It doesn’t matter to me if there’s nothing that can be, I love her no matter what. But I would really just like some advice on how she could combat that feeling of guilt and self-hatred, along with anything I could possibly do to help.”

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From the inbox 565

“I understand, appreciate and respect the vastness of the spectrum. However I wanted some advice. I am a heterosexual female and have been with my partner for 14 years, being married for 3. We have only had sex 4 times in 8 years. When we first got together we had sex frequently but we no longer do. I want to. He doesn’t. I don’t want to force him. I have asked him if he considers himself asexual after reading a description to him. He said yes. But I am not, I do have sexual desires. I never want to push him and would never use the ‘try it you might like it’ line. You wouldn’t say to a gay man to try vagina once, he might like it. You’d respect that he’s gay.

So. My husband has zero interest in sex. I miss it dearly. So so much and want to start a family. We love each other deeply and have stood united and strong through so much. I need sex. I miss it, the bond, the intimacy. He doesn’t need it.

What do I do? I’m a heterosexual who married an asexual. I didn’t know when we got married. If hoped he’d ‘put it in’ and realised he enjoyed it. But that hasn’t happened and I now understand and respect asexuality as a legit sexual orientation. He’s not broken, he’s not frigid, he us my husband and he us asexual. I don’t ever want him to be uncomfortable and I love him.

What do I do?”

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From the inbox #537

“Hey guys so today is my birthday (no I’m not saying this because I want attention or whatever) and so my father called me on my phone because of this. He wished me happy birthday and stuff and we talked for a bit and then he was like “so when do you bring a boyfriend home” or “you know I would like some grandchildren”… and yeah… I don’t know what to do anymore… my parents are divorced and i live with my mother so i’m not often in touch with him… i don’t want to destroy his dreams of a family for me… i hope you understand my problem. Maybe you know something that i could do?”

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From the inbox #532

“Hello! I’m looking for some advice.
I’m demisexual, and have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. We recently found out that he is being transferred for work across the country. We have been trying to work out what we are going to do. Am I going with him, are we going to try long distance, or are we breaking up? Neither of us wants to break up, and don’t think that long distance will work for us. In his mind, moving across the country together makes our relationship permanent. We have both admitted that we think that the other one is our person. He is hesitating because we don’t have passion together. We do have sex, and enjoy it, but it’s not tv/movie look at each other and jump bones, passion. He has had that in the past, and says that is the only flaw in our relationship for him, and he is trying to decide for himself if that is a deal breaker. He has literally said everything else is perfect. I’m really struggling with this because there isn’t anything I can do about it. I didn’t even know that the TV passion was a real thing. It made me feel broken when he said it. We started our relationship knowing that he is very sexual and that I’m demisexual. We are in an open relationship, and it has worked very well for us. I just don’t know what to do. This time limit is stressing me out. He moves in July. Has anyone been in a similar situation, or does anyone have advice for me? He is a fantastic person, and this has never been an issue for us before, but this time limit is making us question everything. Any advice or shared struggles would be helpful.
Thanks,
J”

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From the inbox #529

“recently my asexuality has started to show more when my parents surgest to get a partner of some sort .. and well they know i dont want anything to do with it, i was wondering whats the advice for weather i should come out or leave it as that”

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