From the inbox #985

TW: Abuse

“Hi everyone 🙂

I have a question… I hope someone will be able to help me with.
I don’t know if I’m “valid” as an aroace…

The thing is that, when I was a kid, I was verbally, morally harassed. A lot, every day, by everyone, all the time, and the only way I had to stop suffering from it was to “agree” to what they were saying… In a way, I convinced myself that what they were saying was true. It worked, and today, I’m not suffering anymore.
The problem is that, today, I can’t change it… and I’m not able to “accept” that someone could love me. I guess I completely lost self-confidence because of that…
When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t find myself ugly or fat, but when I see myself through the eyes of someone else, it can’t take it. I’m not able to accept it, even though I don’t think they are lying. In the end, no matter talking about love or sex, I’m totally out of it. I don’t feel sexual attraction toward people, I’m not excited seeing “sexy” men or women, neither do I feel love, I just like being alone with myself.

Saying it like that… I really feel like an aroace, but I also feel like I’m broken. So I don’t know if I can considered myself as an aroace, or just as a broken someone… I don’t know if not being sexually attracted by people is because I’m a true ace, or because I was “broken”. Same with the fact I can’t fall in love with anyone… is it because I’m broken, or because I’m truly aromantic?
I tried to understand it by myself… but thinking of it is really hard for me. I’m really confused…

What do you think?
Thanks to all of you, I love you guys

(sorry for me English, it’s not my mother tongue ^^)”

Here are the replies