From the inbox #819

“Hello! After they noticed that I haven’t had a serious relationship since high school (I’m 25,) a few friends suggested to me that I might be legitimately asexual. I always considered myself to be an open-minded cis-hetero LGBT+ ally, but I denied the idea that I was anything other than a heterosexual with too much anxiety to bother with relationships. After all, I’m romantically attracted to women and enjoy the sexual experiences I’ve had before. It wasn’t until recently that I began to question my sexuality. I’ve had some interesting experiences in the past year which forced me to do some serious introspection. My curiosity brought me to this page, and over the past week I’ve been piecing together information from people here, dissecting my past struggles with sex and relationships. I’ve come out as asexual to my parents and most of my friends, but I still had my doubts and settled on the idea that “it’s just on a spectrum.” Labels don’t give me anything except a place to start.

Then tonight, I found an article about demisexuals. It describes to a tee all of the romantic failures, abandoned friendships, and insecurities about love and dating that I’ve dealt with my entire life. It gives me a newfound hope that I’m not inherently damaged or broken, I just process love and sex in a different way. It helps just knowing there are others who understand and even approach relationships in the same manner. In time, I may even revisit the online dating scene, after spending years telling myself that there’s no way I could ever be compatible‚Äč with anyone else due to my uncomfortable history of trying to connect with others.

I’m not sure if this has been shared here before, but it really helped me find the final missing piece in my loosely-defined sexuality, and I think it could be a major help to others in my shoes. I’ve been severely depressed for a long time, and I believe this revelation could be the start of a new chapter of growth and self-acceptance in my life. Thanks for giving us this community as an outlet to figure out who we all are and what makes us beautiful human beings.”


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