TW: Rape, abuse, slurs, invalidation
“I first realised I was asexual at the age of 16, the whole time before then I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t like everyone else. Discovering the term asexual and being able to relate took a whole load off of my shoulders. I finally understood why I wasn’t interested in people and I was happy.
Sadly, that happiness didn’t last long. After a few months I decided to tell my mum, who pretty much just rolled her eyes and went on a tangent on how there is only straight or gay people and to stop making crap up.
I was disheartened, but not surprised by her reaction. So, I decided to tell my dad(who is a biromantic homosexual) thinking he’d totally get it. No. The first thing he did was laugh, say that’s what plants do. I decided to show him a simple description for him and he was silent for a few minutes. After a while he turned to me and said, “Don’t be stupid, Nise-apotamus. You just haven’t met anyone yet, you’re still a baby. I know! Alan and I will take you to a gay bar and find you a nice butch lesbo to bunk up with.” I was honestly gobsmacked. I told him I didn’t want to, that I’m not a lesbian. He laughed again and said, “You won’t know until you try.” I stopped talking to him for a few months after that.
Next up was my eldest sister. I used to tell her everything. Her response was just, “Why don’t you just date that guy Matt that has been crushing on you for three years. That’ll probably fix you.”
After those three responses, I thought maybe they were right and I was wrong, so I decided to go on a date with Matt. However, I learned that no, I wasn’t wrong, they were. I hated being touched, kissed, etc. I couldn’t even say I loved him, because I didn’t. So, I broke it off. Luckily, Matt understood, even thanked me for being honest.
When I was 19 I managed to secure my first full time job. It started off great. My mum and siblings worked there with me so I wasn’t completely alone and it made it easier for me to make friends.
About six months in, I learned that another Matt liked me, however this one was 30 years old. I kept telling him I was interested, just wanted to be friends, etc. he couldn’t accept that, kept persisting. My sister once again said maybe he could fix me, and again I relented. It was okay at first, he’d just swing by for dinner with me and my family, we’d go for a walk, but otherwise we only ever hung out at work.
One day, I thought, he always comes to my place for dinner, maybe it’s my turn to go to his place for a simple dinner. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.
He made dinner, then decided to go out with friends, leaving me alone in his apartment. I watched Supernatural the whole time, until I fell asleep.
I was woken by him stumbling in drunk, and then climbing into the bed next to me. Started saying he heard from my mum that I was asexual, but it was obvious I was just scared and that he’d be happy to help me overcome my fear.
I said no, I’m not interested in sex. He didn’t listen and forced me to do various sexual activities. He fell asleep soon after, but I was wide awake, crying. I texted my friend in America and she told me to get out, to go home. So I did.
I broke up with him the next day, that I didn’t want him to come to our house anymore. He was confused, but agreed. A few weeks later three rumours spread about me at work. 1. I am frigid. 2. I’m a slut. 3. I’m a lesbian.
Work proceeded to get harder for me, everyone was talking behind my back. Matt also started to follow me around at work, even sat next to me when we worked in two different departments. He used to gossip about me to one of the girls in my department right in front of me. Even told her he was in love with me.
I reported him to my manager who told me he couldn’t do anything in case it’s work related, but he can if it was during a break.
Manager never helped, soon he heard the rumours and I was forced to tell him about being asexual and that Matt wasn’t handling the break up well. You know what happened? I was fired for being a was going to believe the teenager over the 30 year old cis that had been working there longer?
Six months after that, I got a text from Matt at 4am saying that he still loved me and wanted to help me. He even went as far as buying a car just to drive my mum home from work so he could see me.
When I was 22′ I was gang r*ped by a 4 people- 3 male and 1 female claiming I just needed a good fuck.
At 25 when I went overseas to visit a friend, I was beat up for trying to invade queer spaces.
At 27 I was called a snowflake and told to kill myself by a drag queen who didn’t believe in Asexuals at a Pride march.
I am now 28, I’m Demigender, I’m panromantic, and I’m still Ace, and I am going to keep fighting for visibility and equal rights.
Aces are discriminated against, we are shunned, and mistreated. We face corrective r*pe, abuse, and harassment. I will keep fighting and I will not back down.”