From the inbox #724

“I’m kind of having a hard time right now, there has been a lot going on in my life. So I am just looking for advice or support.
I have been ill for several years now, and had to have emergency surgery earlier this year. My twin sister is currently raising three young children, and divorcing her husband that completely stopped supporting them a couple months ago. I also just found out that my oldest sister has a tumor somewhere in her head, but we have to wait a couple of months due to other medical issues, before they can find out anymore information. I have also had to back out of a few important events, and i know people have been very disappointed in me… I have been super stressed, to say the least.
I am supposed to be moving across the country in a couple weeks to go stay with my boyfriend that I have known for nearly two years, and dated for almost a full year. We talk on the phone for hours almost everyday. I love him to death, and he is an amazing person and has helped me with so much within the last two years. He is pansexual, and I am Ace. I go back and forth on whether I am greysexual or not… I have a long history of sexual abuse, and intimacy tends to trigger me. So it is difficult to discuss anything remotely related to sex. He knows this, and for the longest time, was fine with me not wanting to have sex with him. Though lately I have been feeling really unsettled with how he talks about having sex with me. I don’t always shut him down when he talks about it, because I am unsure about whether or not I might one day be ok with it. But he brings it up more and more frequently… Honestly, it terrifies me.
Sometimes the hardest part about being ace, is the gap that is created by not having the same wants and desires. It hurts to confront this issue. And I really don’t want to completely shut him down. I always feel torn about it because I think I am overreacting.
Thank you to all who took the time to read and reply.”

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