From the inbox #700

“I’m often wondering what the difference is between gray-ace/demi and sex positive asexuality within a romantic relationship. I know in theory that the difference is that demi/grays feel sexual attraction to their partner after an emotional bond is formed but that sp asexuals enjoy sex but don’t experience sexual attraction. In theory I understand that, but I don’t understand it in actuality. I’m trying to find a label for myself for my own comfort, but it occurs to me that I don’t actually know if I experience sexual attraction or if it’s just getting turned on by my partner. I consider myself to be in a romantic relationship with my partner, and sometimes we do have sex. But I don’t actively think about their body or anything like that. Sometimes I’m in the mood for it, and sometimes if we do end up doing anything I do feel arousal. I don’t know if it’s because we already have an existing emotional bond (demi) or if it’s just the physical stimulation I like. I certainly wouldn’t have sex outside of a relationship but that’s also because I find it unnecessary and messy, whereas I see sex with a partner as just another form of physical intimacy. Is that sexual attraction? I honestly don’t know and I know it shouldn’t be bugging me but I’m the type of person who likes labels to soothe my own anxiety.”

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