From the inbox #667

CW: Sexual talk, mentioning of rape

“Hello, I identify as Autochorissexual. As a result I am a proud virgin. My entire life I have been 100% repulsed by any form of sexual behaviour, and am not attracted to the human body, although I do experience arousal through specific obscure fantasies. I recently met an amazing person who has identical fantasies, but as I learned is very obsessed with sex. I thought I could be what she needs as I assumed the fantasies could be enough to help me achieve orgasm. However each attempt at a sexual act upon me, regardless of the adequate fantasy outcomes felt like the worst experience I’ve ever had. Despite consent, I felt violated, filthy and embarassed. I never achieved orgasm, and all I wanted was for them to leave. I felt like no amount of showers could erase the memories that bring me fear and sadness resulting from that night. I never wanted those experiences, but now they haunt me. I am unsure of what to say if my partner wishes to try again, because I know I will never be what she needs. I’m not ashamed to be Asexual, but the truth of what I cannot be for others is what weighs me down. I have nobody that understands my position and feelings. So therefore nobody to turn to. What do I say if she wants to try again? How do I convince the poor woman that it was not her fault? Am I crazy?”

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