From the inbox #650

I used to be all over this page and I was so glad to have found a loving and supporting community where I felt like I belong, until tonight. I’ve been personnally insulted and called aphobe and told I didn’t understand asexuality because I didn’t express myself clearly while trying to make a biological point.
I’ve been all over the place on this page, and now I just want to unlike it because it makes me so upset that people are so quick to judge.
Not everyone here has English as a first language and it’s hard to carry feeling through a keyboard. I’m upset and shaking to my core because I can’t believe how quick on the execution those people were.
I’m going to unfollow this page for a while cause I just can’t deal with that at the point of my life, but I want all of you to understand a thing.
When you disagree with someone, whether online or in a real world, on any subjects, be kind. Being insulted doesn’t make anyone want to listen. If I had indeed been a aphobe who didn’t know the first thing about asexuality, the reactions I got would have make me want to never know anything about it and never respecting any aces because of the personal insult.
I don’t want to offend anyone and yeah, maybe my point was wrong to start with, but be polite. Even if you’re pissed. Even if you’re tired of repeating yourself. You have the luxury of being behind your keyboards and screens. You have the luxury to take a moment to remember that at the receiving end of your hate, there is another human being with feelings. And even if that person with feelings hurt yours, still be kind. Give them a chance to want to hear what you have to say. Give them a chance to view thing from your perspectives.
I know there is many trolls on Internet and it’s hard to draw the line between who is trying to make a point or understand a point and someone who is insulting you or your community – because as I already said, it’s hard to carry feeling through a keyboard. But behind the keyboard, you have the luxury of time. The chance to take the time to understand, the time to re-read, the time to cool down a little bit and the time to choose your words.
I’ve been standing up for aces ever since I discovered myself 2 years ago. Geez, before I read those hateful comment, I was telling my S/O that I considered school counselling so the kids going through school would get a chance to hear about asexuality and different thing than “ovaries + sperm = babies” (which sums up the sex ed I got in high school). Because I’m open to different types of aces, because I know and aknowledge different sexualities and genders and could probably help younger people to explore their options.
And I’ve been call aphobe for a poorly phrased comment. Because you have chose to be the judge, the jury and the executionner. Because you decided of who I was without knowing anything about me.
We’re all upset from ace erasure. Most of us anyway.
I sent a message to Equinox to tell them how they wronged us, and yet that’s how I get thanked by the once loving and supporting community. Maybe you’re right. Maybe heteromantic cis aces who are sex positive don’t belong here because we’re straight enough.
So for now, I’ll take my leave. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who are suppose to understand me and who didn’t even try to understand.”

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