From the inbox 620

“So I had a female friend visit me because she was feeling lonely – she lives an hour and a half’s drive away so clearly she’s a good friend, contrary to my eternal self-doubt, and she’s far more outgoing than me so living in a small town with no established friend group I think she was really feeling blue. We were in the park chatting about randomness and the topic came around to sexuality,so I of course stated (fairly simply) that I’m Ace, and that it just means I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.

Now the part that annoys me, and she is a great friend with nothing but the best intentions and all, is that she proceeded to then try and tell me all the reasons she thought I wasn’t Ace;

I have used the phrase “She’s hot” before;
Asexuals don’t masturbate;
Just because I haven’t had sex yet doesn’t make me Ace…

I think she made a couple of other points, but overall the impression was that she was trying to make me feel better about myself by showing me that I’m not really Ace, as though it were something bad, or something to be ashamed of… The best analogy I can come up with is that it was as though I’d told her I thought I might be a selfish bastard, and she was reassuring me that I’d done plenty of things that proved otherwise and therefore objectively she could prove that I wasn’t selfish after all. “Now don’t you feel better about yourself?” sort of approach.

Now I love this girl (platonically, as friends! ) and she’s very supportive and open-minded, so it makes me wonder where this image of Asexuality as a character flaw comes from, and if anyone has advice on the best way to educate people, especially such friends, otherwise? I somewhat timidly used the usual counterpoints so often mentioned by this page, but somehow they felt a little underwhelming in the face of my friend’s conviction that she was helping me by trying to disprove my Asexuality…”

Here are the replies