“Honestly, I’m so over feeling like a jerk when it’s clear someone’s trying to flirt and I’m just like….sorry dude…..but there is no water in this desert.
Just……cacti and shit.
Always feels like I’m a shitty, lesser person.
Not even being rude or anything, getting along fine…..till you get the wrong idea. Now I’m an asshole, and you feel shitty….and somehow I did this.
I thought understanding my sexuality would be freeing.
But I feel like I’ve never been more isolated and self loathing.
How am I supposed to explain the absurdity that is my fucking weird ass existence drunk at 2 am when I myself barely understand my own soul and needs.
This shit is new for me. It took me years to comprehend and I’m still insecure about it. It’s fucking with my soul.
I feel doomed to keep meeting these great people and think “if I was “normal” and could crave of you what you crave of me….could there be and us?
But I don’t even let my mind go there. God forbid.
Let myself feel, fall, and remember that “normal” people want flesh and you want their soul because you’re fucking not normal….
Well….what’s normal anyway.
I should just embrace being alone.
I’m not likely to find, and somehow as a greysexual fall in love, with someone who will love me, as I am. With all my….limitations.
Fuck love. And fuck normal.
What’s normal anyway.”