From the inbox #521

“This is probably just whining but nobody I try to discuss this with understands. A loved one of mine recently started seeing somebody; they’re sexually active and I’m struggling with feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. This is a very close friend of mine, and I guess my feelings for them are…queerplatonic, might be the term? Idk. Ideally I’d love to be “single together” with somebody, just a companion so we both have somebody to live life with using the buddy system. I’m explaining myself very poorly. Basically, I’m jealous because their partner is able to offer them things that I just do not have the wiring for. I love deeply, but not in the right way. 😐 I can not offer “enough” to make somebody else happy as their primary relationship. This has happened before with another friend, and we’re still close, but the old level of intimacy is gone. And the phrase “just friends” gets under my skin, because it devalues the highest level of bonding that I can reach. Arbitrary hierarchy.

IDK, I’m sorry. I’m just afraid of a lifetime of being pushed to the side by the people I love most for others who can offer the whole package. Anybody ever feel the same way? How do you deal with it or channel it into something constructive? Thanks for reading, I swear I’m not usually this melodramatic. 🙂

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