From the inbox #502

“So I’m a young ace/aro teen dreading the day when my friends will begin to desire sexual relationships. The thought completely horrifies me; I’ve become a bit of a mess over it on multiple occasions. Most people to whom I’ve tried to explain this assume that sex talk just makes me uncomfortable, but it’s much deeper than that—it’s the typical uncomfortableness plus repulsion, isolation, confusion, anxiety, a healthy dose of pure terror, and Lord knows what else. Whenever anyone my age shows any kind of interest in sexual things, I either completely shut down, go into Full Sarcasm Mode, or if the situation is appropriate, politely excuse myself and wander around feeling mildly nauseous for about half an hour.
I don’t know exactly what makes me feel this way—whether it’s the feeling that I don’t and never will fit in, or the fear that my attitude toward sex will change and one day I will fit in when I really don’t want to, or whatever else—but what I do know is that the day will come when my friends will start to lose their virginities, and it will be soon, and I’m not entirely sure how I will be able to look at them the same way. I’m very lucky to have people in my life who are accepting of me and my sexuality, and I want to be able to do the same for them—but that’s quite difficult when every time someone mentions sexuality I feel sick and choked up and want to run away and hide in a corner. Can anyone relate and/or advise me on how to cope with this?”

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