From the inbox #459

“I’ve been wanting to send this message for a long time, but never got to do it until now. I’m 20 and I need help in determining what I am in terms of sexuality. I’m really confused–I like watching, reading etc. romantic works but I couldn’t imagine myself in a relationship. When someone shows interest in me, I get really nervous and end up with two options: to fight or flee. But I do know for myself that I also want to have someone who can understand and talk to me, and be there for me. I want to have a deep, loving connection with another person. I could imagine myself holding hands with that him/her, or hugging and, okay, maybe kissing, but not have sex. Sex is.. I understand couples do that but I couldn’t imagine doing it! I mean, why would I want to stick someone’s body part inside me, and vice versa? Isn’t that guy’s d too big to ram in that small hole? And where is that girl putting her mouth into, for goodness’ sake? What about the germs that I might get from that (wait, do we get germs from sex? Lol I have no idea 😂). I do have people whom I find attractive, but I was never sexually attracted to them. I don’t get it.

But I don’t get myself either, because some rare times I do think that it might be okay to do it when I truly love the person. But most of the time it just grosses me out. I don’t have anything against those who do it though. I just don’t see myself doing it (if not very rarely).

Platonic relationships are very beautiful in my eyes. Just knowing that you love and care for that person, and that you want to spend the rest of your life with them without having sex (or just doing it rarely?) sounds like the ideal relationship to me. I want to do lots of things with that person–travel, try out new hobbies and simply engaging in deep conversations about life and other philosophical topics. I think I’m either asexual or demisexual, or somewhere in between. But is it possible that I’m not within these two categories, but somewhere else? I hope you would be able to answer me. I want to know as well so I could say it loud and proud!”

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