From the inbox #420

“Hi, I’m not sure if I would identify as an asexual person but I would like some help figuring it out if that’s ok?
Growing up I was always the teen that got grossed out by sex scenes in movies and stuff like that. I had crushes too but to me they were more romantic than sexual. I had a boyfriend (now ex) for 6 years from 17-23. For a time I was happy with him in the very one sided romantic bubble I had in my head but when it came down to sexual stuff I was never really interested. Sometimes I’d do it to keep him happy, other times so he would shut up with all the moaning I never gave him sex. Sex to me is never something I’ve ever wanted for myself but I’ve always found myself doing it to please my current partner as they feel deprived (or I feel they’re deprived). I’ve found myself in a long distance relationship with a wonderful man who doesn’t know what my sexuality is (I’m still figuring it out myself) and occasionally he sends me pictures and asks if my body is reacting. Often I feel I have to say that it did but only a little, even though it didn’t, just to save his feelings. He is already aware of my fears surrounding sex (miscarriage from 6 years ex) but it’s not even that it’s a fear anymore. It’s kinda like numbness I think. My body and mind just don’t react to sex in any ways unless it’s a freak out moment because it’s wanted of me and I wasn’t the one who offered it. I’m so confused on where I stand I don’t know what to do. I’m crying now because I’m afraid if I tell my boyfriend that he will be upset and I really really don’t want to hurt him.
Any advice?”

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