Content warning: Some sexual details
“I don’t know who I am anymore.
I was with the same man (husband) for 14 years. We have three children. As far as our sex lives went, after first two children were born we probably did it once every few months and it was more to cure my need for intimacy. For a while I thought he was possibly asexual too because he told me he just had sex for me and I was like you totally don’t need to do that, I just like to be close and touch.. And I explained to him that I was asexual. He masturbate(d/s) a lot though. I think he was really gay… I found evidence to back this up. He has told me that he’s experimented use ago. I told him I’m cool with whatever he is and as we were able to talk more about these things I’m fairly certain that he is gay but in denial.
I’m also polyamorous and had a boyfriend for the last year. I didn’t mind getting him off but I really wasn’t into receiving. And things dwindled pretty quickly because everything just felt obligatory on my part.
I started seeing my current boyfriend and my previous boyfriend was throwing fits about it not understanding how I can be attracted to someone else. I didn’t want to be the rude one and point out that he was already the second. And all the drama from the first boyfriend basically caused me to cut off contact with him about because he is my husband’s good friend I husband got an earful of all the drama and started getting paranoid about things that never bothered him. My relationship with my husband ended mostly because of this but there were a lot of other problems that I never addressed and our separation was the best for both of us.
I appear cis female. I am genderqueer and more often dress in loose men’s shirts, flannels. Used to have super long hair but many days tucked it under a hat. I have often been taken for a young male. (Until they see my chest) This was me like 98% of the time.
Now that I’m with my current boyfriend I wear skirts and leggings and more feminine items more frequently. More than half the time. Including underwear and nice bras which usually when I’m feeling dude-ish I go without and wear a sports bra. I still refuse to shave.
Back to the sexuality – Now that I’m with my current boyfriend. We have sex like at least once a week. And the thing is I couldn’t care less if he never touched me sexually again. But unlike with previous relationships when he does touch me, I mean before even foreplay, he touches me in a way that arouses me. The people before could’ve tried the same thing and it never would’ve piqued my interest. Things usually go and alternate route to actual intercourse. I like to perform oral sex on him and the last few times he’s actually touched my vagina or try to do oral sex on me I was kind of like “nah… I’m good.” But he loves going down. And I find it hard to orgasm by external stimulation but I don’t want to do more so I go without and I’m more than okay with just the foreplay touching and kissing.
I crave his touch and he touches so freaking good but I don’t want to finish or go those final steps to intercourse.
I’M SO CONFUSED ANYMORE!!!”