From the inbox #400

“I am trying to figure out whether I am asexual or somewhere on that spectrum but it’s very confusing. I’ve read a lot of definitions of different forms of sexuality and attraction but none of the labels seem to fit me exactly.So I was wondering if I described the way I am feeling you could tell me whether or not it sounds like asexuality or grey-sexuality or what?

I am a cis girl and I would normally say I am straight, I’m pretty sure I am heteromantic at any rate, or at least I get crushes on guys. I can definitely feel romantic attraction without feeling sexual attraction, when I get a crush I want to kiss and cuddle him and make out etc. But I’m not really sure where I am in terms of sexual attraction, it isn’t something I feel as strongly, and certainly never strongly enough to act upon. Definitions of grey-sexuality that I have read talk about experiencing sexual attraction very rarely, but they do not define what counts as rarely. One definition I read somewhere said “for example once or twice a lifetime or once every few years”. I experience something which I might call sexual attraction perhaps a few times in the space of a week, and then not again for months, though I’ve never kept a record of it so I’m not entirely sure. Is this rarely enough to be defined as grey-sexual, or is this the kind of frequency allosexuals experience?
Also I am not entirely 100% sure what I experience is sexual attraction. What I mean is that I sometimes fantasise about having sex with a person in a daydream kind of way and imagine that perhaps it might be quite nice, but its never strong enough to act upon. Does that count as sexual attraction?\”

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