From the inbox #358

“So I have never desired romance before, never dated anyone, and have never had a boyfriend. I actually hate the idea of having a boyfriend, and the idea of romance never made sense to me and it basically annoyed me. I am 20 and found out I was asexual 2 years ago and want to remain a virgin my whole life. A month or so ago I met this guy, we both connected really well and he couldn’t believe I wanted to be friends with him because he said he thinks I’m really cool and he isn’t… but i really liked him, and I felt the “spark” that everyone always talks about– I didn’t even think it existed, let alone that I would ever feel it. But when he found out I was asexual, he didn’t want to pursue the relationship; there was another issue too that made him think we wouldn’t work out and he later said my asexuality was what gave him another reason to know that it wouldn’t work out. He started dating another girl, and yesterday, found out she is asexual, and he isn’t going to break up with her but try and make it work. I feel like that was karma on him, but we’re really close friends and I’m honestly not mad at him at all, I really just want what is best for him. But I also want him, and both of those desires are in conflict with each other because he doesn’t want me in that way, so me and him being together wouldn’t be what is best for him. I just want him to be happy but I want to be with him and I feel selfish for thinking that. It’s just that I’ve never felt romance or even wanted it in the 20 years I’ve been alive, and the one guy I actually want it with, I can’t have. It just feels like it shouldn’t be like that, because I’ve had crushes before, but this is different, and it’s like it doesn’t make sense that when I finally say yes after so many no’s, the answer is no anyways.”

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