From the inbox #287

TW: Abuse

“So I really don’t know how submitting stories go but, find out I’m ace took a long time to be honest. First I thought I was pan, then demi, then back to pan with a preference but it took to being hitting on constantly, and annoyingly, by someone(let’s call them A) to get it out. Before I realized I was ace, I was great friends with A and one day she started making really sexual suggestions when we would meet up at a party a couple months in the future, I blew it off as her being funny since I was single and a lot of my friends were like that but A kept pushing it and we we went to the party, she said hi and stuff and then ditched me soon after and left. I thought it was weird but my friend(she’ll be H) started talking to me about my now fiancé and how I should ask her out and stuff since a few weeks prior she confessed her feelings to me(I told her I was flattered but not ready for a relationship, my ex bf dumped me real hard ) and she understood and we kept talking. So when I got home I messaged her and she said that she’d love to go out with me.

Now, my fiancée is pansexual and has expressed that one day she would like to lose her virginity. I love her, I really do but the thought of sex made me so uncomfortable and I felt bad. At the time I thought I was pan and didn’t think much of it since I /am/ attracted to all genders but sex wise, it made me want to nope away. So for the first couple of months I kept playing off my aversion to sex with sexual innuendos and references but eventually I couldn’t hide how I felt.

I confided in my fiancée best friend ( who is H ) and came out to her as ace and voiced my worry since I always heard stories about aces losing their partners. H has a degree in psychology(or sociology idk) in gender and sexual studies. So she told me to go to my fiancée and tell her the truth and the worry and guilt would leave.

I was terrified, I was crying at my laptop when my fiancée messaged me about H telling her I had something important to say. I felt like I would lose my world if I told her, but, she is such a sweet understanding woman who loves me for my flaws. So I tell her, and she tells me soon after she thought I was going to break up with her because I took so long to reply. She ended up calling me to assure me being ace wasn’t going to change anything and even made a joke about it which eased my nerves considerably.

My ace identity stems from sexual abuse, sexual violence and a dislike if being touched in any sexual way but, it doesn’t fully define me as a person, just how my friends and fiancée accept me as a person no matter what.

I always hear stories about how we asexual will never find love without sex but I found the love of my life without needing sex; just cuddles, kisses, ice cream and marvel movies”

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