From the inbox #282

TW: Abuse mentioned

“Been following this page for a while and never had a reason to write in for myself, but now I do.
I’m Ace, (sex has never been good, just painful and humiliating) but I recently snagged a boyfriend and he is very sexual. We’ve had sex and it was surprisingly enjoyable, so for a while, I was thinking “Holy crap, I DID just need to be with the right person!” But. . . That was wrong. I stopped having the urges and never wanted to have sex with him, despite how good it was. The desire just wasn’t there. Still isn’t. Well, being a very sexual person and finding it highly important in a relationship, this upset him. He flat out told me he would never be happy in a sexless relationship. I panicked (also have anxiety disorder). All of my relationships have been abusive and I just got this guy and he was amazing and I didn’t want to lose him. So I told him I was willing to force it for him. To let him have sex with me if it would keep him happy and make him stay. But he told me he didn’t want that. He says he never wants to make me feel like I have to have sex with him to keep the relationship good. He wanted me to compromise. Which is what I thought I had just offered, but no, he wants me to WANT sex and LIKE it. I cried about it for a long time, hating myself for being broken and wishing to god I could just be normal. But I can’t do it. I can’t FORCE myself to want sex. So. . . We just broke up. Because apparently sex is more important than love. No one will ever find me appealing unless I spread my legs for them. 😞

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