From the inbox #281

“This is kind of awkward for me, but I want to share, so here goes.
I used to have a sex drive, but it completely disappeared seven years ago. Apparently, this is common for people who have given birth, but it normally only lasts for a few months at most. I have had no libido for seven years with no change in sight. It didn’t even increase when I started testosterone.
Sex used to feel good. Now, it feels boring and disappointing. I would honestly rather fold laundry than have sex.
I think I used to be a sex addict. Still am I guess since I still feel the compulsion to have sex. It’s not at all like a sex drive. It feels more like an obligation or a habit that I no longer have a need for, but keep falling back on. Like I don’t want to have sex, it doesn’t feel good anymore, but I still feel like I should be having it.
When I think of why I used to have sex, I remember having a libido, I remember that it used to feel good, I think of how I used to want someone to care about me so bad that I’d have sex with people so they would pretend for a little while (I’m not that weak anymore), and I remember feeling unable to say, “no,” but I can’t remember feeling sexual attraction. I can’t remember if I’ve ever felt it. Maybe I have. I don’t know.
I do know that I don’t feel sexual attraction now. Do I not feel it because I don’t have a sex drive or did losing my sex drive help me realize that I don’t feel it?
I heard someone describe being asexual like “If you think about someone in your life who you would never even imagine being attracted to, like someone you grew up with, it’s like that with everyone.” (Sorry I probably got some words wrong and I can’t remember who said it.) That’s what it’s like for me. Whenever I think of calling myself asexual though, I hesitate because I’m worried I’m not asexual enough because of how it used to be.”

Here are the replies