From the inbox #244

“Since I realized I was Ace a while back (about a year now) I’ve held off on relationships while I discovered and chatted with others about this new aspect of my identity and being Ace has given me a lot of clarity about many things in my life that used to confound me. However now I that I want to start looking for a romantic partner and I find that I’m really nervous. I don’t know when I should “come out” to them about being ace because I feel like to most allosexual people that’s an instant turn off and they won’t even give me a chance. My self esteem isn’t very high already, my last boyfriend had been my best friend for five years and we were dating almost a year before I found out I was ace. When I told him he dumped me less than a week later because I wanted to turn down the sexual activity since I not longer felt obligated. It really hurt me and now I almost feel like unless I just happen to bump into another Ace who is also interested in me I’m doomed to live life without a romantic partner. Don’t get me wrong I love my friends and my family those relationships are a huge part of my life but everyone around me has a romantic partner and I want that to be a part of my life too. I just don’t know how to get there.

If I wait too long to say anything they might be angry or think I was lying to or playing them but if I speak up to early they might not even want to get to know me because sex is supposed to be some ultimate relationship goal. I know I’m not comfortable with an open relationship because I want my romantic relationship to stay with me and my partner half of the relationship for me is communication and problem solving. Working together because you care enough about the other person to try and make it work. I guess I’m just looking for some help because I’m really lost here”

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