From the inbox #200

TW: Abuse

“I’m a cisfemale aro-ace (possibly demi or grey but as of right now I’m still finding out). I’ve come out to a couple of my very close friends who have all been understanding and supportive, and I really want to come out to my mother and siblings as well, but I’m hesitant.

I’ve gone through all the reasons for and against over and over. Pros: I can be fully open on social media and in person, they’ll stop trying to set me up/ask me when I’m going to start dating (I’m 24 and never been on anything even resembling a date)/looking at me pityingly when the subject of dating/marriage is brought up, I don’t have to feel like I’m hiding an important part of myself from them. Cons: I grew up in an abusive home, and my mother has already come out and admitted to me she thinks me and my siblings (who are all straight and married) could be doomed for failed relationships because of it and she blames herself. I know that’s not why I’m asexual, but I’m afraid to upset her and lead her to think she “broke” me. I even overheard her telling my aunt once she thought maybe I wasn’t dating because I was secretly a lesbian from being scarred from experience with my father.

I don’t want to hide anymore, but I can’t take my mother’s misplaced guilt. Any advice?”

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